I was going to post Halloween Costume Awards today but since it was brought to my attention that many parts of the East Coast (including my good friends in New Jersey) will be celebrating a belated Halloween this year, I decided to postpone it until next week.
Provided I do not go into labor over the weekend, of course.
FYI— I am going to start caveating everything I say with the above sentence, from now until the baby arrives.
Today, I decided to give myself a break and write a good old fashioned Mommy Shorts recap. I think I deserve that, don't you?
Especially after attempting to brush the sticky sugar residue of a Tootsie Pop out of my screaming daughter's hair. Why didn't anyone tell me I should just throw her into the bath?
But first, I want to talk briefly about trick-or-treating, since this was the first year Mazzy kind of knew what was going on.
On Wednesday afternoon, before Mazzy even put on her costume, we walked into CVS to buy some toiletries. Mazzy saw pumpkin buckets on a shelf and asked for one. We said sure, since pumpkin buckets were not one of the things we thought to pack when we fled our apartment.
At the register, the cashier rang up Mazzy's pumpkin and then gave her a handful of candy to put inside. Mazzy took it with surprise. Then we went a few doors down to buy milk at a bodega and the man behind the counter did the same thing. I think I might have actually seen a physical representation of a lightbulb going off in Mazzy's brain. We spent the rest of the afternoon, going store to store, asking for candy.
By the time actual trick-or-treating started at 6pm, Mazzy considered candy less of a privilege and more of a basic right.
Five minutes in, I lost the battle to wait until trick-or-treating was over to eat her loot. And then it took every parenting bone in my body to get her to eat only one lollipop at a time.
What is it with toddlers and lollipops? Don't they realize there are Reeses Cups and Kit-Kats to be had?? Do I really have to grab those offerings MYSELF???
I actually heard that it's better for a child's teeth to eat all their Halloween candy on one night than to eat it slowly over time. With the added benefit that a stomach ache might deter them from overdoing the sugar in the future (although it hasn't stopped me). Any dentists reading who care to weigh in on this?
Anyway, I'm hoping when we finally go back to our apartment downtown (word is we will have power on Saturday), we can convince Mazzy that candy is only allowed on the Upper West Side and pumpkin buckets magically disappear once you go South of 42nd Street.
Alright. What else happened these past few weeks besides Mazzy eating her weight in candy?
• Mike gave me the finger
• I lost my mind in the dark
• We punished our children by dressing them like Hannibal Lechter
• Pregnant ladies disguised their baby bumps
• Mazzy told Mike he looked like Steve from Blue's Clues
• Kathleen's ridiculously horrible clean-up disaster earned her a vacuum
• I learned how to balance a toddler, a pumpkin and a bushel of apples on my pregnant belly
• Dr. Mazzy cured me
• Mike was subjected to HUSBAND SHAMING
• We told our kids that Calliou died, I mean— went to sleep
and finally (and most importantly)…
• Evil Babies went global (Seriously— I just got off a phone interview with a TV Show in Japan and I might appear on an Australian morning show next week.)
To all the new people who have discovered Mommy Shorts since the Glare-Off, WELCOME! I am so happy to have you. You should all stick around at least until I give birth. That's bound to be a great post, what with the live streaming vag-cam set-up and all…
I hope everyone has a great weekend full of electricity, uncontaminated water and readily available gas. And if that doesn't work out, you have my permission to steal a Fun Size Twix from your kid's pumpkin bucket. You know what? Make it two.
See you back here next week!
Provided I do not go into labor over the weekend, of course.
— Mommy Shorts
So glad you guys are doing okay, and happy to hear Halloween wasn’t a complete fail for Mazzy! I love your blog. As a first time Mom of an 8 week old boy, I’m up lots of nights and I spend them with you. By the way, following your recommendation I just checked out STFU Parent. Hilarious. Did you see what they’re up to at the moment?! Take care and good luck for the birth of number two!
Anne from Germany
PS how’s that for international!
One fun sized Twix – it’s not stealing… its called the “mom tax”! Once my little lion went to bed I made sure I collected my taxes in full – because no 18 month old should injest that much candy – and because he owes me 🙂
1. Mazzy is crazy adorable
2. Spraying massive amounts of hair detangler on any hair crustiness will also assist in brushing it out. My daughter has super long hair so I know this trick well.
3. Thanks for postponing the costume contest!
Since there seems to be no gas left in the tri-state area, I’m going to go forward with taking your permission and stealing candy from babies (even though it’s only 9 am). My power is on and my water is (hopefully) not contaminated, so I won’t take TOO much. But no gas or school all week and an enormous tree that just missed the house has to be good for at least a little chocolate, right?
Good luck with the birthing of cutie pie #2! I hope baby waits at least until you have power!
I LOVE the fact that the kiddos love lollies more than chocolate. Specifically because I love chocolate more than lollies. Of course the dentists are certain to disagree.
Wow! Mazzy has magic pumpkin bucket! It must be great to be two. Also, I like your candy logic.
Amazing that went so viral. Good for you!
The lightbulb moment, how very cute! Love her candy shop raincoat! Too cute for words.
Re:” hair incidents” my 9 year old decided to “curl” her hair with a round, spikey brush. My husband showed up right after that happened, from a stressful business trip but with the utmost patience spent 1.5 hours working the brush out – while my baby held back tears and we both tried to stifle our mounting anxiety – as option B ( that was came far too close to needing to do) was a buzzcut … since it just happened a couple days ago, my husband is top of our good books!! But next week I will be PMS-y and ” that was so LAST WEEK!” and venty again 😉 ( but really? Really. If you love your kids hair, don’t only ditch the tootsie pops and gum, but also hide all scissors and throw out round bristle brushes!!) P.S. I also agree with poster who asked why WOULD you introduce Mazzy to the heaven that is a chocolate peanut butter cup? Keep her hooked on lollipops, so the god shite remains yours! lol!
I don’t get the lollipop obsession either. Lollipops are NOT chocolate!
And Lil’ Bit’s trick-or-treating spiel consisted of the following: “Trick-or-treat! I’m [introduces herself using full name] and this is my friend, Daddy.” As the parent who elected to stay home this year and pass out candy, I’m really sorry I missed that.
I live in Illinois, so there were no weather problems on Halloween. That means we were go for Izzy’s Halloween party at school, which included trick-or-treating at the local nursing home. Between that and trick-or-treating normally Isis pulled in 7 and a half pounds of candy. I am NOT going to have a 4 year old on a sugar buzz until New Years, so I’ve been encouraging her to give some to mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa… etc. If a few of the more choice pieces go, well, that’s life, and I doubt she’ll notice anytime soon as long as it’s not the lollipops.
This year we found the most awesome house ever- little candy for the kids, full-size Snickers for the parents. Not to mention the house near us that has given out beer to cold-looking parents.
I don’t see why you didn’t immediately think to grab the pumpkin bucket when you were forced to evacuate.
And it’s sad but true that kids like the absolute WORST candy. They like all the garbage that I’m pretty sure is all chemicals. They don’t even want the chocolate. More Reeses Peanut butter cups for me, I say.
It always starts with lollipops but ends with chocolate
OMG! I just checked out Fright Fest on STFU Parents. Scary stuff! Last year, someone actually submitted the scariest picture I have ever seen— it was an evil baby glare coming from a baby that was on it’s way out the birth canal. I never posted it because it was so freakin crazy and nobody wants to see pubic hair that close-up. I should send it to them!
We tried to leave the pumpkin behind when we left our friend’s house but they totally caught us. Now it’s hiding in the coat closet. So far, I have been eating from it daily (alright, hourly) and Mazzy hasn’t mentioned it. WIN!
Hair detangler! I forgot about that stuff. As a long-haired kid myself, that used to be a bathroom staple. I’ll have to get some, thanks!
The gas situation seems to be getting better around us. Mike only had to wait an hour and a half at a NYC station on Saturday. A friend in Long Island reported a five minute wait in Roslyn. How are you guys doing?
I know. I should be grateful. But the lollipops in the hair is a guaranteed meltdown every time. I should make her wear a lunch lady cap.
My husband doesn’t even know how to brush her hair when it’s knot-free. I can only imagine what would have happened if their was a round bristle brush incident when I wasn’t home! Thankfully, all we own are flat brushes with plastic bristles. Should be ok.
That is ADORABLE. Mazzy’s modus operandi was get the lollipop and run. If person seems like they are not paying close attention, go back and take two. She needs an etiquette lesson from Lil Bit.
I love that idea! Do you know how happy I would have been if someone offered me a full size snickers??? Instead, I had to pretend like I wasn’t into the candy at all and then steal from my daughter when we were finished.
I told Mazzy she could pick one thing and she chose some generic brand of packaged sour gummy worms. FOOL.
I’m sure they’ll love it 🙂