Seemingly overnight (or maybe it was over dinner), my belly has doubled in size. I’m 35 weeks today which means I will be 38 weeks on October 31st.

Where does that leave me, exactly?

Well, if I was prone to baring my belly and I lived in a temperate climate, I could be one of those pregnant women who paints her basketball-proportioned baby bump like an actual basketball. Or a watermelon. Or a jack-o-lantern. Or Epcot Center. Or pretty much anything else in the shape of a sphere (see the lovely ladies up top).

But if you are not into the painted-belly thing, there are tons of other options as well. Like white trash cross-dressing with your partner…


Or making your current child feel totally inferior to the real prize on the way…




You can also use your costume to make an important breastfeeding statement…


I’m not sure what the statement is exactly, but I KNOW it’s better than this one…

Halloween 2009

It’s not clear whether the above is an awesome Halloween costume or just a really unfortunate looking pregnancy belly. I really hope it’s the former.

If you’d prefer a cuter, more conservative costume, try dressing as the solar system…


But good luck keeping your arms extended while trying to inhale a handful of candy corn.

If you need to make a last-minute costume, I suggest the stranded-on-a-dessert-island-with-only-a-white t-shirt-and-a-set-of-markers route…

Look— it’s Wilson!


Personally, I’m a big fan of literal costumes, so why don’t you use this opportunity to express your love for tomato sauce?

Halloween 020

Or your fondness for baking…


I love how the couple above thinks they need to be super explicit about the meaning of their costume. If they are that worried about misinterpretation, instead of “the bun baker”, they could have writtten, “I stuck my penis in her and as a result, we made a baby!”

Another way to highlight your sexual antics is with the costume below. This says, “Not only will I have sex with anyone, but I’ll do it in the printer aisle of a Staples!”


On the opposite side of the “easy” spectrum, we’ve got the super wholesome, family-friendly egg sandwich…


As opposed to the bright lights of a single disco ball, screaming “I can’t wait until my baby is old enough to go clubbing with me!”


If you’d like your pregnant belly to masquerade as a d-list celebrity, I suggest stealing this brilliant Octomom costume. The babies are so lifelike!


Oh, wait— that IS Octomom. Never mind.

Jessica Simpson’s mummy costume (get it????) was uncharacteristically brilliant…


I’m guessing, she didn’t come up with it herself.

And don’t forget the go-to costume for pregnant hipsters everywhere— JUNO.


This costume works best if you actually get Michael Cera to tag along with you. Otherwise, you just look like a disheveled person who forgot you were leaving your house.

But my favorite pregnant costume BY FAR, and the most suitable for the holiday is a little something one woman whipped up called “Labor Pains”…


Yep. Not exactly something I needed to see 5 weeks before giving birth.

Is it too early to start eating Halloween candy???


Images found on Pregnant ChickenThe Krifts, Mama Said We Could Draw, Coolest Homemade Costumes, Tired of Being Pregnant, We’re Parents NJ, Lovelyish, This Next, Glamour Vanity, Costume Pop, Oddee and