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Filter by age
Parental Tweet: On Sandwiches
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
Parental Tweet: On Band Aids
It's easy to judge the seriousness of an injury by my 4yo's refusal to accept a non-character-themed band aid. Verdict: Not Very Serious.
Parental Tweet: On Sex Ed
Sex Ed for teenagers should include trying to get 2 kids ready for school in the morning.
Parental Tweet: On Babysitters
I never realized so much of adulthood would be pretending not to be drunk in front of babysitters.
Parental Tweet: On Frozen
Is there rehab for people who continue to sing the songs from the Frozen soundtrack long after their children have gone to bed?
— Allana ...
Parental Tweet: On Card Games
My 3 year old wants to deal the cards for Go Fish so I canceled our weekend plans.
Parental Tweet: On Mischief
If your kid was alone in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, you should probably just go ahead and throw away all the toothbrushes.
Parental Tweet: On Arts & Crafts
Kid art time. Kitchen now covered in googly eyes & glitter glue. Its like they're all staring at me, silently judging how dirty my floor is.
Parental Tweet: On Sibling Rivalry
There is no sibling rivalry greater than that between a baby and his mother's computer.
Parental Tweet: On Responsibility
Parenthood is like being left in charge of the drunkest guy at your office Christmas party for 18 years.
Parental Tweet: On Tree Trimming
Holiday Tip #305 If you have toddlers, save time by breaking all your ornaments, with a hammer, before putting them on the tree.
Parental Tweet: On Sleeping Babies
Thinking of having nasal surgery to make my voice higher so having a simple conversation within 100 yards of his bedroom won't wake my son.
Parental Tweet: On Music
Follow @jessicavalenti on ...
Parental Tweet: On Nap Time
There are people who make art out of their sleeping babies. All I made while my babies slept was quiet desperate cereal crunching.
Parental Tweet: On Homework
Those who can, teach.Those who can't, do their kids homework for them.
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