Today I have a guest post over at (the hilariously awesome) Rants From Mommyland called "Rookie Baby Wranglers At The Restaurant". It's about my dad and stepmom (Poppy and Nonna) and their adorably inexperienced attempt to take care of Mazzy whilst sucking down oysters and sipping martinis.

Lydia and Kate from Rants From Mommyland have been very kind to me since I started blogging. The only way I can explain their incredible generosity is a) they are genuinely good people and b) we have a shared love of fancy parenting charts.

So I thought now would be a good time to put all my fancy charts in one place. "A Mommy Shorts Fancy Chart Retrospective" if you will.

I'll begin with one big over-generalizing pie chart.

I know that most people will tell me that coffee and alcohol should be a larger part of the pie. But if you honestly have more cocktails in your life than drool, please tell me what I am doing wrong.

My next chart was made in reaction to a newstory involving a mom in NYC suing an Upper East Side Preschool for ruining her daughter's chances of getting into an Ivy League school.


Terrifying stuff that is very close to pushing this born and bred New Yorker into *GASP* New Jersey.

Next up is "The Working Mother Venn Diagram". It needs no explanation. Just a larger pair of pants.

The pie chart below was created for a post called "Babies on a Plane". 


It's worth clicking over for the step-by-step breakdown of "Intense Agitation".

I made the equation below while packing up the baby for a trip to my Mom's for the holidays. Totally forgot to figure "fancy chart creation" into the packing time.


Is your brain spinning? Are you sick of my charts yet? Cause I'm not done…

This bar graph was created using actual reader research I collected during a giveaway

Click here if you'd also like to see a "Who are Diaper Jeans Consumers?" pie chart. Hint: It involves rednecks and nevernudes.

Next up is a vortex inspired by New York Magzine's Approval Matrix. It is also based on actual reader responses to what they would like from their husbands on Mother's Day. Click the chart to enlarge.

Below we have a pyramid that needs some context. It was created for a post called "Meet The Dog That Will Destroy Me" about how my sister and her Boston Terrier are conspiring against me to turn my child into a doglover. Yes, yes, I know, I know. Only assholes don't like dogs.

Picture 26
The vacation pie chart below was made after Mike and I took our first and only five-day trip sans baby.

VACATIONpiechart Click for more detail on "the sea urchin incident" and a comprehensive breakdown of "OTHER".

And lastly, no "Mommy Shorts Fancy Chart Retrospective" would be complete without the "Fancy Undergarment Trajectory Chart". I created it for my first guest post on Rants for Mommyland entitled The Gift of Awkwardness and then I used it again last week for my Parenthood Isn't Sexy post. It's a personal favorite.

Which reminds me— if you are following Friday's Unsexy Parenting: Now a Competitive Sport, voting is still open. "Renee & The Nipple Tweaker" is in the lead but "Andrea & the Non-Sex Tape" is gaining on her. Winner will be announced this Friday on The Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage.

(Winner will be announced here too; that was just a cheap trick to get more facebook fans. Did it work?)