If your stopping here for the first time from Modern Bird Studios, thanks to the awesome shout-out from Rants from Mommyland, I'd suggest you check out Wednesday's post— Fatherhood 101 (as taught by my husband) for the best taste of what goes on around here. Hope to see you again!

It's been three weeks since I did a recap (as I'm sure you gathered by the header) and although I'd love to do a bang-up job of it, I'll be honest— I'm a wee bit drunk. I just got home from a client dinner and I am now reminded of how much more I drink than normal in business-type situations. Why is that? No matter. Let's get on with the recap before I pass out, get rudely awoken by the baby at 6am, and then have the harsh realization that I have to be on location by 7:30. (Huh? My husband has just informed me that he is on a 6am plane tomorrow for work. The nanny doesn't arrive till 8am. It's past midnight. Ummm….What the hell do I do now???)

What else happened these last few weeks besides me having to shower at 1am and go to sleep fully dressed so I'm ready to hightail it out of here tomorrow morning the second the doorbell rings?

• I reluctantly accepted my mother's help

• I refused to eat heart-shaped polenta

I stabbed someone at a bridal shower

Mazzy got lost in cyberspace

• Where she got schooled by Mister Miyagi

• We were introduced to Betty White's future stalker

• And terrified by a miniature Joan Crawford

• The inevitable loss of "Adult Island" pushed me closer to suburbia

• The concept of "breakfast dessert" was born

• E*Trade played Careerbuilder at the Superbowl but somehow Bud Light won (or at least that's what I think happened)

• Walmart told your baby she looks better with mascara

Snooki nodded in agreement

• We had a collective mid-life crisis

• We imagined Tom Cruise dancing/prancing in sparkly heels and a unitard

• Our hopes for a heart-filled Valentine's Day were dashed by a can of Almond Roca

• Mazzy made fun of babies wearing Diapers by Dior

• Dr. B threw our babies in the tub, taught us how to take a punch and potentially saved the world from the next Paris Hilton

• My husband taught The Fine Art of Fatherhood (a combination of deep sleep and playing dumb)

And last but not least…

I asked Mazzy to be my Valentine (even though that holiday is stupid)

I also thought I'd let you know that Fatherhood 101 was one of my most popular posts ever. So now instead of my husband learning his lesson, he is calling himself a "fan favorite". Which is awesome. (When you read "awesome", please accompany it with an eye roll).

Before I go, I have one request— can you all vote for me at Babble for The Top Fifty Mommy Bloggers? I'm currently at #57 and with only twenty more votes, I can make it to #50. Here's the link. And here's the link again in case you're the kind of person that needs to be asked twice.

And Hoa? Are you out there? You won the Valentine's Day giveaway so please email me to claim your prize.

Have a great weekend!

— Mommy Shorts

P.S. Seriously— tomorrow morning? I am SCREWED.