Chanel_baby2 This post was previously titled "Whore Your Baby Out For Fashion Week" but then that felt kind of wrong. Also— I fear it would attract the wrong kind of traffic from google searches.

Today is the last day of New York Fashion Week which means… absolutely nothing to me. Have you not been paying attention? I work freelance mainly from home. Most often, in my pajamas. But let's pretend that I am living my fabulous life of yester-year. That I have my very important corporate ladder climbing job where I must look the part of a trendy and cool creative director… Nope. Fashion week wasn't relevant then either.

Truth is, I wouldn't pay for a Chanel top if you paid me. Well. Maybe if you paid me. Because then I could use that money to buy the top. Unless you told me that I could use my Chanel top money for something else. In which case I would buy twenty tops. Scratch that. I would buy myself a new laptop. Hello! I'm not an idiot.

Okay let's say I'm a total idiot. And not only will I empty out my entire future fantasy summer home account kid's college fund for a vintage Valentino raincoat, but I also need to make sure my baby is dressed accordingly. In a matching vintage Valentino raincoat. With Dior booties. And an extra Marc Jacobs onesie in my Louis Vuitton diaper bag in case of an accident. And by accident, I mean the strap on my Gucci baby carrier snagged a thread on my Fendi baby blanket. And OMG— are you mixing designers?? In one baby outfit??? Please. My hypothetical miniature fashionista is DOWNTOWN. Save the matchy-matchy for the uptown kids.

Anyway— if you'd like to ensure that your baby has a front row seat between Anna Wintour and Keirnan Shipka (that's eleven-year-old Sally Draper and yes, she cares about such things), you should embrace the label whore within and dress your child in one of the outfits below.

Editor's Note: I have not included links for purchase because if you have the money for these items, you also have the money to snap your fingers and summon a lesser human to track them down for you. Then you can have them delivered to your private jet docking station in the sky where you and your child are currently eating french macaroons while watching a team of scientologist slaves sort through your fashion party invites. Yes, Katie— I believe you are the only person still reading. Tell Suri I say hello.

For the girls clockwise from upper left: Dolce & Gabbana dress, Little Marc Jacobs onesie, Fendi dress, Chloe jean diaper, Kenzo jacket, Baby Dior snowbooties, Burberry Baby overall dress, Roberto Cavalli sparkly pink shoes, Armani dress.

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And because baby boys can be label whores too: Baby Dior snowsuit, Baby Dior gold shoes, Little Marc Jacobs puffy vest, Armani Baby jeans, Ralph Lauren Baby snowsuit. Fendi sweater, Gucci booties, Paul Smith cardigan, Burberry Baby Boy overalls.

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And in case you thought I was being hyperbolic when I mentioned the Gucci baby carrier and the Louis Vuitton diaper bag and the Fendi baby blanket…

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Don't ever doubt me again.