Today I took Harlow to the doctor for her one month check-up. The doctor asked me if she was pooping regularly. I stopped to think.
“Ummm… I’m not sure. Maybe?”
Oh crap. I’m supposed to be keeping track of this sort of thing, right?
Suddenly I remembered the detailed diary I kept for Mazzy of each feeding (what time, which breast), her naps (what time, how long) and yes, her poops (what time, how big).
With Harlow, we are just kinda… winging it.
Thankfully, I shouldn’t feel too bad because Toulouse and Tonic did me the honor of guest posting today and she says most second time moms spend far less energy worrying about their baby after they’ve already been through the charade once before. She became a second-time mom less than a year ago and speaks from experience. The experience of breastfeeding while watching Homeland on your iPhone. Oh wait, that’s me…
TOP 10 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN FIRST AND SECOND TIME MOMS…
1. WARDROBE
1ST BABY: You have a vast collection of new baby clothes gifted from various baby showers or that you’ve purchased yourself while out browsing for your “layette.” They’re all pre-washed in gentle, hypoallergenic detergent and hanging in the closet coordinated by color.
2ND BABY: You have a collection of pre-owned and pre-stained baby clothing, most of which baby #2 will never wear because you just keep putting him in the same 3 outfits as they rotate out of the wash.
2. GERMS
1ST BABY: Baby drops pacifier. You dive across the room, hands extended like an NFL wide receiver, with no thought as to your own bodily harm, and narrowly miss it before it hits the kitchen floor. Afterwards, you sterilize it in boiling water, then give it back to her.
2ND BABY: Baby drops pacifier on grocery store floor. You pick it up, swipe it on your pant leg and hand it back.
3. DOCUMENTATION
1ST BABY: You have a carefully crafted baby book with photos of every “first.” First smile, first time rolling over, first tooth, first word, first step.
2ND BABY: You have a newborn photo they took at the hospital. Somewhere.
4. CHILD CARE
1ST BABY: When you leave your baby with a sitter, you insist she call or text with updates at least every half hour. You take your phone out continually to see if you’ve missed a message. At 10pm, you tell your hubs you just wanna go home and kiss the baby good night.
2ND BABY: Your friend’s neighbor’s boyfriend’s first wife’s stepdaughter only charges $8 an hour. You leave so fast you forget to give her your phone number.
5. DIAPER DUTY
1ST BABY: You’re constantly sticking your finger in your baby’s diaper to check for wetness or sniffing her tushy to see if she pooped. You take her to the changing table to put on a new diaper just so her bottom won’t get “irritated.”
2ND BABY: The diaper gets so full sometimes, the velcro tabs pop. Your “changing table” is the couch.
6. BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
1ST BABY: You throw a giant Sesame Street-themed 1st birthday party and invite all your friends, family and coworkers. You buy matching decorations, a bakery cake and rent a jumpy house for a child too young to go in one.
2ND BABY: You stick a leftover Chanukah candle in a Twinkie and call it a night.
7. SICKNESS
1ST BABY: If your baby is the least little bit fussy, you take his temperature rectally, under his arm, in his ear and across his forehead with one of five thermometers. Then you call the pediatrician to see if a 99 degree temperature warrants a trip to the ER.
2ND BABY: Your first kid flushed the thermometers down the toilet last year and you still haven’t bought a new one.
8. TRAVEL
1ST BABY: Whenever you leave the house, you have a dedicated diaper bag with everything the baby could possibly need while out (diapers, ointment, wipes, bottles, burp cloths, change of clothes, assorted toys, etc.) separated into designated labeled compartments.
2ND BABY: Your “baby bag” is your purse with a diaper and some Starbucks napkins inside.
9. ANNOUNCEMENTS
1ST BABY: You mail out a custom-made baby announcements to all your friends and family and get baby gifts in the mail almost every day.
2ND BABY: When you’re asked your baby’s birth weight and length, you often tell people your bra size or street address because you’re so damn tired. No gifts come in the mail.
10. VISITOR PROTOCOL
1ST BABY: If someone comes over to see the baby, you make them wait until her nap is over because you don’t want her schedule getting “messed up”. You remind people constantly to wash their hands before they hold her.
2ND BABY: If someone comes over to see the baby, you hand him to them without hesitation and ask if you can run out for a few minutes to pick up some juice*.
*Juice = wine.
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With regard to number 9 and gifts, you have to wait 6 years, move to another country and get new friends. Then there are gifts.
Actually I was more worried with my second because now I knew all the things that actually could go wrong, rather than what I may have imagined from reading every book published about babies. Like how expensive stitches are at the ER.
Totally true, all of them.
Also, food. I killed myself making stuff from scratch for my first. Pureeing etc. This baby? He’s 7 1/2 months old and eats off my plate.
Signed,
Mother of Two with a very resilient, adaptable second child whose mother keeps his diapers in her actual handbag.
After seeing the difference in how we tend to our second baby compared to our first, I look back and wonder how I – the fourth child – was cared for by my own parents. I assume I raised myself.
Biggest overriding difference between the two experiences: energy and drama. As second-time parents we’re don’t have enough of the former to spend on the latter.
Is it bad that I’m on baby number one and still do half the second time things? Maybe I’m just making up for (maybe) only having one?
I was the same with my first I’m the oldest from a large family. I realized a lot of the stuff people do with the first baby is pretty silly and unnecessary.
Being out in public with #1 used to scare the crap out of me. People always come up and want to see a new baby, and they tend to get a little close. I never appreciated it and thought someone would sneeze on him, or try and take him and run.
Now with #2, half the time I have my hands full and I consider saying “hey since you’re here, can you hold her while I get __________ out of my purse?” Not that I have, but I’ve been tempted.
QED: raise your first child like it’s your second.
So, so hilariously true. We forgot to even have hospital pictures taken of baby #2 because I was trying to get out of there so fast.
First baby: Raised with Raffi, Dora, and Blue’s Clues.
Second baby: Raised with Eminem (R-version), Criminal Minds, and Dexter.
I called it Experiment: Nature vs. Nurture
Fun – I didn’t have that. 🙂
I’m raising my first like a second…. though I am still taking 8 million pictures and planning a huge 1st birthday for the end of the month.
We constantly use the phrase “close enough” when dealing with the second baby.
Chocolate cake “cleaned” with a bit still in the eyebrows and hair? “Close enough”, she’s getting a bath in a few hours. Maybe. If not, she’ll have a midnight snack.
Walking though Target and the socks and shoes come off? Put socks back on, “close enough”.
It switched around for me with the exception of the clothes, changing table and diaper bag. My second was born prematurely so we have to be extra careful about the kids being sick and germs. I don’t hand him off to other people easily like I did my first, and if you are sick don’t even think about visiting until you are better. We keep hand sanitizer in every nook and cranny in the house, in our bags and cars. With your second child, its supposed to be all carefree and go with the flow. I didn’t get that lucky but, I also wouldn’t change who my son is.
Lol, 10 days postpartum with my third, this is so so true! If Iwasnt so wiped out, Id share another ten!!
Ha ha, great post! I’m hoping that when I have my first, that I’ll kind of have a jump on things and might tend to do more things like with #2, because I helped care for my two baby half-brothers when I was a teenager (you’re welcome, stepmother. lol)I clearly remember that one time, when I was younger, I wondered why people spent good money on changing tables, because we usually changed my brothers’ diapers on the floor. Etc. Although, it’s been a really long time since then, and I’ll be good ol’ AMA by the time I have my first, so who knows. lol. Love the guest post!
This is soooo true!
First baby: Oh! We need more supa-educational/brain stimulating/social skills enhancing/sell-a-kidney-expensive toys!
Second baby: Here. Play with my keys.
Oh, so true! By the time we got to our 4th child, she was strapped to by back and expected to fend for herself!
This is fantastic!
11. Documentation
First baby: Start a blog dedicated to first born’s every moment for out of town grandparents & friends to share in. Posting witty, amazing moments photographically captured with thoughtful prose multiple times a week.
Second baby: Gets to guest star on first baby’s blog posts which now come only once every two weeks if I can remember to take a picture.
Agree with most of this! I’m so much more laid-back with the second, and it’s SUCH a good thing!
I still take a ton of pictures of #2, though, and plan to give him an equally as awesome first birthday party – because, come on, he deserves it, too!
This would be funnier if it weren’t so painfully, painfully true. You should see what happens with the third! Speaking of that, where did she go…?
I was the third… and I was at the neighbors (at 3 1/2). Mom was constantly calling around to find out if anyone had seen me.
Yup, so true and will add I seriously don’t even listen to the half of the half that they say anymore either, because once you have heard screaming about something once, you have heard it a million times. So conditioned just to tune them out and nod and smile, lol!! By the way, the wine helps with this, too lol!!
I need to send this to my brother
Mostly true, but because mine were close in age, I still needed a purse full of diapers, wipes, a change of clothes for both (and an extra shirt for me), and toys/snacks to keep the 1 yr old from running away while I nursed his brother.
Just discovered your blog, and it has made me laugh out loud so many times — thank you! I have a 3.5-year-old and 1.5-year-old, and we live in a 4-story row house. The first time we left our kids w/a new sitter for a night out (baby #2 was probably around 6 mos. old), we handed her the monitors and made such a quick move for the door she had to call down to us to ask where the kids’ rooms were!
Yep.
This. True. All of it. It just goes downhill from there. #5 is pretty much self sufficient.
Never new juice was code for wine. Thanks for the tip.
Its true!! but without fears, we can enjoy the second baby more than the first one.
The last one tops it all. Take her, please! Haha
So very true! Wait until they grow up: baby #1 wants everything “just so” and baby #2 can roll with the punches. ;D
I am the fourth child. I honestly thought I must have been adopted because there were no pictures of me.
I laughed out loud at this: Your “baby bag” is your purse with a diaper and some Starbucks napkins inside.
Ha ha! Great post! I just had my 1st 6 months ago and I actually do most things like this is my 2nd child. I do have a changing table and diaper bag but the diaper bag is also my purse because all I ever take with me is my wallet and cell! My little man rolls all over the floor and only gets really and truly cleaned up when we are leaving the house!
These are ALL so true!!! Haha! I’m a veteran Mama to 6…so yes, I can attest to the fact that most Mama’s, though NOT all, do relax a lot by the time #2,3 or more comes along =) But I do feel that ALL babies deserve a celebration of their “birth”day! Have a party! Just like every child after the first deserves a few of their OWN toys and clothes! Hand-me-downs are great! But we all like something of our own =)The main problem we have here (Hubby and myself!) is the whole name-chain…You know what I mean…you call child number 4 by all the other children’s names EXCEPT his/her own!
Hahaha very true I have 4 darlings and I go through all of their names before I get the right one, and when I’m out at a friends who have children I tend to call out “children who belong to me, get in the car!”
In my family all my aunts & uncles have between 6-9 kids. At the end of family events the kids get rounded up by last names… And adults just start listing off random names till the right kid responds. It’s hilarious!
Love it! Hilarious and true!
This is my first and I do most of that stuff like its my second. My change table is extra storage and I’ve a actually left the house with the baby and WITHOUT any diapers or Starbucks napkins because I thought to myself “he’s already pooped today and i’ll be back in an hour”. Is that bad?
This was my favorite. I am a mom of 6. so you could only imagine how care free i am now with #5 and 6. their twins. lol!
https://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/12/10-differences-between-first-and-second-time-moms.html
This was my favorite. I am a mom of 6. so you could only imagine how care free i am now with #5 and 6. their twins. lol!
https://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/12/10-differences-between-first-and-second-time-moms.html
I had my second baby in April last year so I could relate to and love your post about 1st and 2nd time mums:
https://www.mommyshorts.com/2012/12/10-differences-between-first-and-second-time-moms.html
I can only imagine…and I’m guessing that this is pretty spot on 🙂
Very interesting post. I really enjoyed reading it.
I guess I am more relaxed with two and three, but I will never be this relaxed. I still change wet diapers and prepare healthy food. Different perspectives.
Haha! I am on my second (I’m 22 weeks pregnant with baby 2), and this all seems pretty much accurate to me already, and he’s not even out of the womb yet!!! But I expect all of this! But if you take some of those, and convert them to pregnancy-related, it would also apply! I’m less picky with this one and not so uptight about going by and reading the parenting books and whatnot. We already know the ropes and expect what’s coming!! It’s more like a “here-we-go-again” type of thing, but we are just as equally excited as we were with the first! Haha
Amen! Nobody ever mentions the extra shirt, but really its a need most days.
you didn’t take care of yourself. Your older siblings took care of you 🙂
lovingly,
a mom of 1 and older sister of 3
3rd baby: No big list. Pooped a washer. Response is “Oh, man. Glad he passed it!” while deeply questioning where in the world he got it.
HAHAHA. Totally true! With my first, I was so careful and pretty obsessed with cleanliness. I can definitely relate with almost all of these. LOL
Hahahahaha…too good to be true…but it’s!!!!!
OMG! That diaper bag thing. My wife had a nice huge Coach diaper bag for my daughter Olivia and now poor little Zoë has cheap Walmart backpack that was Olivia’s Daycare bag. But I give my wife credit, she still uses the changing table.
Hahaha!! So true! I also heard this: first kid eats dirt, you sterilize everything including the child. Second child eats dirt you swipe their mouth with your shirt. Third child eats dirt and you wonder if you have to feed them lunch! LOL….and for the record, this is playful sarcasm, not legitimate parenting….
I think the admin of this web page is really working hard for his website, as here every stuff is quality based data.
I disagree with all 10! My Second daughter got brand new clothes, we had beautiful birth announcements sent out to friends and family, she has a baby book with milestones and pictures and I would never give her a binkie that fell on a grocery store floor!!! We try to do the same things with baby #2. She deserves the same things and treatment.
THANK YOU! So glad I’m not the only one.
I must be a second time mom. Except it’s my first baby. But I did enjoy the gifts in the mail and yet absolutely rotate the 3 shirts. Lol. Great piece.
Personally I will be treating my second child exactly like the first. With lots of love, care, and attention. Just because a child is second does not make them any less valuable or needing of your care. I disagree with much of this article, both “first time” and “second time” points. Perhaps I’m simply different from the rest of the world, because most of these did not fit my experience with our first child at all.
Really the only difrence between the first and 2nd, 3rd, and 4th was he got a bath every night and I’m guilty of matching his blanket to his out fit for a few months.
[…] Read these post for some funny laughs about second time Moms – here and here […]
Nice post… Thanks for sharing those thoughts! A big help, specially for new moms. 🙂
All Differences are true, I am second baby of my mom and like I had all experience in my life, my parent have lots of newborn photos of my big brother but very few photos of mine.. so there is one example, but I have more like that….