Presents You know how you'll be having a perfectly lovely time at a baby or bridal shower, and then suddenly it gets to the part of the party where everybody is supposed to sit around and watch the mom-to-be/bride-to-be unwrap their gifts? And then everybody is required to oooh and aaah like it's a total blast to watch someone else open boxes containing breast pumps and underwear and cooking utensils? And then if that weren't awkward enough, someone will inevitably turn to you and say— "Can you be in charge of the ribbon hat/bow headdress?" And you're like— I'm not sure because if someone gave me a pair of scissors at this moment, I might make the eleven o'clock news? Yeah? Well, get ready to stab someone because I am about to make you sit there while I open my presents. YAY!

Reader Gift #1: THE GIFT OF RACHEL ZOE, Love JLK

JLK was last week's Caption Contest Queen which put her in charge of judging the picture of Hazy (below left) in which she was protesting PETA. Strict rules forbade JLK from entering the contest. BUT— being Queen, JLK thought to herself— I am not going to let some stupid rule forbid me from contributing! And knowing that I often do a "Separated at Birth" feature, JLK sent me the photo of Rachel Zoe below. 


She even captioned it: "Hazy, the next Rachel Zoe? Per-fect-ion." I came up with another: "The similarty is BANANAS!" Anyone else care to admit that they know Rachel Zoe lingo?

You can read more from JLK on her blog Pieces of Me.

Reader Gift #2: THE GIFT OF PHOTOSHOP, Love Brian

You might remember Brian from my popular post: "How To Work A Breakfast Buffet". Brian is Mike's best friend from LA and as is typical of most people I know from Los Angeles, he has an unexplained large amount of free time. This week Brian used that time to create the awesomeness below.

This was of course done in reference to Mazzy's "Show Me Sand The Floor" video and that is actually Mazzy's profile. Brian told me he used about nine different baby pictures to create the "baby crane" in the middle. IMPRESSIVE. It's even better than the time he photoshopped Mike's head over Charlie Sheen's on the cover of the New York Post under the headline: "Coke & Hooker Rampage at the Plaza".

What do you think? Is there a business in this somewhere?

Reader Gift #3: THE GIFT OF JAM, Love Emily

Emily won last week's caption contest (she was crowned by JLK after scaring/scarring us all with her Mommy Dearest reference). Shortly after the crowning ceremony, Emily sent me the gift below. Seems she owns a homemade jam company in Atlanta called Emily G's Jam of Love. We had some this morning and it was delicious.

2TipsyOnionDelicious Just to be clear, attempting to bribe me with JAM will have no bearing on whether you are selected as the winner of a caption contest. I am not the judge and I don't want anybody thinking that there is anything fishy going on in the EXTREMELY serious selection process.

However. I will not turn away the gift of free JAM. I have a family to feed. And if my family can be part of a fancy homemade jam filled world where everyone laughs at the regular people and their Welch's usage, well I'm sorry but that's where we will reside. Anybody know where I can get some organic macadamia butter? You can buy Emily's fancy jams here.

Before I go, I want to remind you that my Valentine's Day giveaway ends on— wait for it— Valentine's Day. SO if you haven't already entered, click here to win a beautiful necklace from One Life Jewelry.

AND— just so you know, if you don't have photoshop skills or know Rachel Zoe lingo or own your own jam company, you can make me just as happy by giving me:


So there you have it. I hope that wasn't too painful for anybody. Now who made me my ribbon hat?

Have a good weekend!
Mommy Shorts