Kids mispronouncing words is the gift that keeps on giving. Last time we did this, Mazzy was saying “salmons” instead of “almonds” and I was neglecting to correct her because it was TOO DAMN CUTE (check out Totally Butchered Words Part One and Part Two).
Now she’s got that straightened out but she’s saying “constructions” instead of “instructions”. I like to think she’s butchering words at an advanced preschooler level. She’s a genius! Obviously.
My absolute favorite butchered word shows up a lot on Mazzy’s pinterest board. “Sprinklers” instead of “sprinkles”. As in, “I want rainbow sprinklers on my ass ream!”
Below are 21 more words butchered by toddlers, pictured against the words they represent. These are all real mispronounciations submitted by my readers, presumably words their kids say wrong and not words they are messing up themselves. Although, who knows.
Be warned— there are some curse words in very large type. If you’ve got a child who can read or a boss who’s a dick, you might want to make sure they’re not standing behind you.
Just in case you think the women/lemon mistake is cute and innocent, here’s what Kerri had to say about that…
“My son swaps his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’ He sounds like a total creeper.”
Here are few more butchered words where a graphic couldn’t quite do them justice…
Victoria said:
“My daughter learned to call pants britches by a very country relative…she of course pronounced it bitches, as in, ‘Where are my bitches?’ We no longer refer to them as anything but pants.”
Janene said:
“My friend’s baby would say ‘jackin’ for jacket so when she was too warm she would say ‘jackin off’!”
Tiffany said:
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'”
And my favorite from Nicole:
“My son is obsessed with Toy Story. In the movie Andy calls Hamm ‘Evil Dr. Pork Chop’. My son has all the Toy Story toys and proudly shows off his ‘Evil Dr. Fuck Shop’ whenever anybody comes over.”
Please tell me your tales of butchered words below! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to indulge in some good old fashioned Orville Redenbacher Cop Porn.
———————————————-
Want more parental entertainment? Click here to follow Mommy Shorts on Facebook!Â
Want cute pictures of my kids in real time? Click here to follow Mommy Shorts on Instagram!
Yes, somewhere in his vast media horde, my adult nephew had video of me (and himself) coaxing his nephew to name the trains…and losing our stuff when he gets to Percy…and having him repeat it…over and over!
My 2 year old refers to all
Her favorite movies by her favorite part or line in the movie. For example: the new Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles is “MC Mikey” from the scene where their in the elevator beatboxing then run out screaming. Madegascar 3 is “Afro Curcus”. And any white man she meets with a white beard is “HOHO!”….yes they’re all Santa
My now 30 year old was OBSESSED with watches and clocks…he used to walk up to anyone with a watch on and say…”oooh, what time is it on you cock??”
My favorite of all time from my nephew when he was 3/4: He called Buffalos “buckalos”
MY 2.5 year old, when watching Dora — and seeing Sniper, who DOra calls, “the sneaky fox”.. would say, oh no, there is Sniper the Stinky Box!
Around here fruit snacks are fug nuts.
When my son was little he also said “jew” instead of juice. The worst incident of this however was when he spilt juice on the floor and starting yelling “Oh no! Dirty jew! Dirty jew!”. Thank goodness it was just with family and I was quickly able to translate.
I actually have a video (because it was too hilarious not to prompt and take one) of my daughter telling the life cycle of a Monarch Catapillar/Butterfly. Problem was for about 8mths she pronounces Catapillar as Catapigger. The video is hilarious and one I may use against her with her future husband.
Oh and Fire Fucks are common in our house instead of Fire Trucks (2yr old) and Pussy instead of Percy the train (2yo old).
My friend’s 4 year old son has a pretty severe speech impediment and pronounces “fish” as “bitch” and says things like “Mommy got me bitches!” Or when asked why he wanted a pot- “To put my bitch in!”
When he was around three, my youngest son called the animated movie “Madagascar” “MadamAssHard.”
Our neighbor hung a witch beside there door last Halloween and my 2 year old son was terrified of it. So, every time we left our apartment and had to pass the witch, he’d wave and repeat over and over (very loudly) “Bye, Bitch. Bye, bitch.” It was hilarious
My daughter used to called monopoly nobbly!
Aloha, my best friend & I live on Maui & when we were getting ready for a Tsunami Warning a couple years ago my friend’s 3 years old daughter called it a “Salami” and for days afterword she kept telling people about the “Big Salami” we had! Luckily it didn’t materialize so she’s actually still waiting for her first “Big Salami” 🙂
When my son was 2 he ran straight up to my mom’s fish tank and yelled, “Gramma! I love your bitches!!” I never saw my mom laugh so hard at a curse word. My niece would always yell, “Pussy, pussy!” on the swing for “push me”… That was awkward on a playground full of kids and parents.
My grandson isn’t a toddler – he’s 9 and autistic. He didn’t talk till he was three, so some of his labels for things are very interesting! The most recent was, “I want ‘Laminations on Turtles’.” I was like, Huh? He responded, “Like my toothpaste!” Oh! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! When he was much younger he repeatedly asked for “Boogliay” What the heck is Boogliay??! Turned out it was Wall-E. Not sure where that one came from! lol
When I was a kid we called pancakes pannie cakes (like panty cakes) and now my son…oh god, is obsessed with everything to do with the wizard of oz – so we watch it all the time and have all the little wizard of oz toys from McDs that just came out last year (except the cowardly lion…anyone got an extra ;)?? ) and he loves to LOVES to point out the wicked BITCH, mommy! It’s the wicked BITCH!! As loud as he can! Lol!! Kids say the darnedest things! If they didn’t, our lives as parents wouldn’t be as fun as they are 😉
My son calls nipples pickles. I had to quit getting dressed around him because he said “mommy, are those your pickles?”
When my son was in 3rd grade he was telling his teacher about “my cat Sebastian”. She heard “My cat’s a bastard” and sent a note home.
My 6 year old says pupcakes instead of cupcakes and she has trouble with her “L” and every “hole” is a hoe. Its funny when she says bitches instead of bridges
Great wall of gagina, LOL
I’m a toddler teacher, so I’ve got tons that I could share, but I’ll just go with my favorite: asslepauce (applesauce).
Hey! I clearly remember as a 4 year old calling penis’s Peanits! lol
My daughter’s forever word invention: instead of Soda Pop she called it Gaga. I STILL call it gaga… and the kinda juice with the aloe pulp was “chewy gaga”! And to this day everyone around me has to get used to what I mean when I ask for “Chewy gaga”. It just stuck and you know… I think Gaga is a better term for pop anyways!
Be glad he didn’t ask about his dad’s pickle…
Oh and her favorite blanket was “EEYOOO!!!” For the longest time she would stare longingly out of her crib and despondently call, “EEYOOO… EYOOOOO!” until we finally figured out that it was her BLANKET! She just made up the word out of thin air. I guess she thought that was the correct onomatopoeia…
And then there was the potato chip debacle… Dee-Tee-Toes! DEE-TEE-tooooes!” well yeah Potatos! lol she is a very intelligent 10 year old now and has been reading since age 3… they know what they are trying to say even if they can’t enunciate it and she is PROOF! Although I must admit these words of hers were from well before she was a year old!
That one put me over the edge! I’m an auntie to 6 nephews and a great-niece. I hear a lot of this, but it’s even more hilarious all at once!! Thank you everyone!
When my 8 year old was smaller he started saying he had the hiddycups instead of hiccups. He also called lemonade sizzling water. Both of which have stuck within our house hold, I even say to my children at nursery “have you got hiddycups?” they love it and some of the parents have also commented that they say it at home.
My daughter spent most if her toddler years saying “chicken” instead of “kitchen” and vice versa. It was somewhat confusing for others, but at least she was consistent.
When my son was five, he came in the kitchen, holding a badge, told me to put my hands up and said…”put your hands up, I’m from the BFI”….(which here is a trash company) =P
Now he is a Sgt and new daddy =)
my boys called them peanuts and tickles
My 2 yr old says “Whiskey” for “excuse me”
My son says “pank,” too…we can’t figure out where it came from!
I’m a little late to the game, but I just discovered your blog (thanks to one of these posts), and am so glad I did. My two-year-old says “butt trash” for “mustache.” He has a mustache painting on his wall, so I get to ask him to say it ALL THE TIME. He also says “apple puss” for “applesauce.” The most embarrassing, is when he says “thank you” it sounds completely like “f*ck you,” which is completely humiliating when he says it to strangers. Like, crawl in a hole humiliating. Thanks for the laughs!
I’ll still never get over the time two little girls I babysat told me they wanted to go to my house to see “the titties!!!!”
Another boy told me he was drawing “callibitters,” and when I clearly didn’t understand, he exasperatedly told me that they were the animals that turn into butterflies.
I called the principal of my preschool “princess” for at least a year. She liked the title and declined to correct me.
Omg, I totally forgot about being asked by a child about whether something had “High toast fruit corn syrup” in it.
My son used to love Thomas the Tank Engine. He had a hard time with one if the trains, named Percy. To make matters worse, Percy had coal dumped on him resulting in a ‘Dirty Pussy’. I cried laughing all the time!
A child I knew had a friend with the last name Nichols…he referred to the friend’s father as Mr Nipples instead of Mr Nichols LOL
LOL I’ve never met an under-3 who doesn’t have some variant of “douche” -the most I’ve heard is “doose”. I also know a girl who said “stippy take” instead of sticky tape when she was little and still says it now on occasion! My personal favourite was “slimy” for salami and “zoo-slimy” for zucchini!
My siblings watched a lot of Thomas the Tank Engine, so they changed TV channels with the Fat Controller (remote control)!
My son said “fuckwith” for the longest time. I knew it had to be something innocent, but could not figure out what he was saying so I could teach him another word for whatever it was. One evening his daycare teacher came to babysit for us and he asked her “why weren’t you at fuckwith today?” Knowing she had class that morning and wasnt at work, we finally learned that this was his way of saying breakfast!
I had a 2-year-old kid at the daycare where I work come up and tell me he wanted to “do cock.” He meant chalk, but it took a long time to figure that out!
This is just plain adorable! My now seven year old as a toddler would say “smismedy” instead of spaghetti
my friend’s son says “pajina”
My daughter says ‘lobbers’ for lobsters, and fuck for fork!
My 6 year old loves Mary Poppins. Her favorite song is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Only, she says supercalifragilistic-sex-pialidocious.
I’m really into trains, so I was teaching my son the names of train cars as soon as he could talk. He did pretty good with most of them, but when “flat car” came out “fucker”, my wife and I decided to skip over that one for a period of time… mostly for fear he would blurt out that one in the church nursery when we weren’t there to explain what he was ACTUALLY saying.
For a very long time, my son pronounced Mayonnaise “lemons” Most of this was during the stage where he would only eat mayo sandwiches – yep, two slices of bread slathered with mayo and slapped together – so he would frequently ask for/demand Lemons Sandmiches.
My all time favorites. My (now) 21 yr old oldest child, as a toddler: Helicopter = “happycopter” (awwww), popsicle = “popsipickle” (I still say that one, LOL), and not a butchered word but when unable to think of the word for elbow substituted “arm-knee” (yeah, I still say that one, too). My (now) 18 yr old youngest, as a toddler, could not pronounce the Y sound at the beginning of words but said it just fine in the middle, so yo-yo became “oh-yo” and yoghurt became “o-gert” which I heard as ogre-t and said “that sounds like something Shrek would eat” years before Shrek themed yoghurt came out in stores.
This is absolutely hilarious. Honestly, I don’t have kids nor am I around them often, but I kinda wish I was, so I could hear these possible mishaps happen.
dcffGGFFr
My son says “alligator” when he means escalator/elevator
My son loved to watch Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey when he was around 3 (I had to fast forward some parts!), and his favorite character was the “granny raper.” Aka the grim reaper!
My two year old was saying “boner drink” for blue boat (everything related to water was drink). He also says “raydon” for rainbow, which is just adorable.
My daughter’s friend lives in the Condoms up the Street.
My son used to confuse”dizzy” with “busy,” so he’d spin in a circle and announce, “I’m gettin’ busy!”
I was driving in the car with my nephew one day and the whole way down the highway he kept pounting out all of the “hookers” it took me a good 10 miles before I realized he was talking about cranes. He was so excited to see the hookers and told all of his friends and mommy about them when we reached his house.
My two year old daughter calls Beauty and the Beast, ‘Booty and the Priest’. Apparently, Disney now makes porns. Lol
My daughter does not like wops (wasps) – she’s been stung one too many times. Too bad my whole family is Italian!
My oldest son is 6 years old and he still calls mosquitoes, speghitoes. I correct him, but I’m going to miss it when it’s gone.
When my son was 2 we tried to get him to say “No way Jose” and he couldn’t pronounce Jose. It came out “pussy.” We had a lot of fun with that lol
These are hilarious!! I’m in bed trying already and my muffled hysterical laughter is beginning to raise suspicion!! Lol!! My daughter who is now 11 used to say pail nolish instead of nail polish and would call the trampoline a jumpoline. Not necessarily funny but it was definitely cute!! 😉
When my daughter was around 2 1/2 she would use the “d” sound for “s”…dit for sit, dar for star, and so on. The best was when she would do the little rhyme “1, 2, buckle my shoe”. When she got to “5, 6, pick up sticks” (dicks, in her words) we would absolutely crack up!
My son says “washcar” instead of car wash. Super cute. 3yo. “Mom can we go to the washcar”
He also says “I have sprinkles on my fingers” in the bath (wrinkles).
When my 17 month old sees a chairs or is trying to feed the dog she exclaims loudly, “sh*t, sh*t!” Meaning sit, sit. Yep I get looks all the time when we’re out in public.
Perhaps this is not the case in the UK but it seems every toddler pronounces “Percy” (the very popular train from Thomas and Frenemies) as “Pussy.” So we quite often have someone running down the hall yelling, “where is my Pussy!”
Last christmas my 2 year old pronounced pomegranates and tangerines as “pokeygranites and tangedreams.” I was really bummed when he pronounced them correctly this year.
My niece wanted a doggy bag at the restaurant so she asked for a body bag. lol My granddaughter told me she had her hair curled with a curling yarn.My niece also sang “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer” when she was 3 and sang “as they shouted out with bleach” lol
Our last name is pronounced FUR-CO our 3 year old says Fuck-no. I really hope he figures it out before preschool next year 🙂
My nephew love Thomas the Train…if you ask him who Thomas’ best friend is he will tell you Pussy (Percy). It’s hard not to laugh.
loves*
My 18 month old son says “butt” instead of “bed”. We often call my bed the big bed or mama’s bed. Now when he wants to get up on my bed he reaches up and says, “Mama’s big butt!”.
Our all time favorite from our 4 year old is “bagina”. She was being measured for a costume at dance and the tape went from the croch to shoulder. She shouts out “I don’t want to be measured bc the tape is measuring my BAGINA!!!” Everyone lost it lol.
Her other is “I want a smoozie please.” We love our smoothies!
And from our oldest who is now 8. She used to call speakers “fuckers” so she would always say “listen to those fuckers.”
My daughter, who is 4, will tell you her favorite
Candy is Reese’s Penuses. “Mom, may I have some
More Reese’s Penuses?” It is so innocent….and a great
Laugh every time I hear it! I vowed to correct her when she turns five;)
Bikini = zucchini as in I want my zucchini to the beach. Suck=soak me: baby,you’re all wet. Baby: yeah mom I suck.
My daughter used to call peaches ‘cuddly apples’ (knuffelappels in Dutch). I’m so sad she’s grown out of that now.
Percy from Thomas the Tank Engine is know in this house as “Pussy”……
My almost 2 yo daughter sounded like she was saying “pussies” instead of pumpkins. We heard this for a good 2 weeks around Halloween!
“Big Dicks” are very popular with my toddler. She always needs”bigger dicks,” “more dicks,” or a “longer dicks.”
We love the looks of dismay we get when we are out on walks.
My son calls his baby sister (Lilly), Willy, what’s funny is people actually think that’s her name.
My 4 year old niece got new pajamas. She’s obsessed with unicorns. These were Princess Uni-Kitty ones. Unicorn Kitty. She said, look Auntie, I’m Princess Uni-Titty!! I died!!
fweep=sweep and sleep
fworry=sorry
can cakes=pancakes
pot corn=popcorn
draybee=gravy
guckie=duckie
My daughter adds an “s” to some words. Someone recently asked her what she does with her nanny. my daughter said “She comes in the morning and gets me stressed (Dressed), then we can go to school” but i guess some days our nanny stresses her out too.
My daughter, at two years old, used to call trees “tits.” This was fine and dandy until the Christmas season came along. Suddenly, every where we went there were “BIG TITS, mama!” And “RED TIT!” And “WITTLE TIT!!!” Mortifying.
OMG my son said ” COPPORN” for almost a year and I didn’t correct cuz it was funny to me but everyone else knew what he was say. I can’t stop laughing that it was on here. He also use to call airplanes Hairplanez
When my 6 year old was 3 he couldn’t say his “r’s” very well and he loves Thomas the train… Look at Percy on the bridge became look at pussy on the bitch! I didn’t let him bring Percy out of the house until he could say it right needless to say! Lol
When my daughter was learning words the movie “Princess Diaries” was popular and my sister who was a teenager loved the movie but my daughter kept saying “Auntie is watching Princess Diarrhea” lol… I refused to correct her
My two-year-old daughter says:
maggots = magnets
crocalellow = crocodile
pianio = piano
My daughter loves this new snack she just tried, sex mix. (Chex mix.)
When my son was not quite 2 1/2 he loved watching Finding Nemo. One of his favorite characters was Bruce the Shark. But when Sam said it, it sounded like What the Fuck. It was hilarious. We actually have a video of him walking around saying “what the fuck” and after 4 years, it’s still hilarious to us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlsQjezgxz8
On our frequent visits to southern NJ to visit my family from our home in Maryland, we cross over the Delaware Memorial Bridge. Marking the halfway point of the trip, we referred the kids to crossing the “big bridge” as snacktime. Our oldest child, around the age of 2 or 3, called it “the big bitch”. Being the oldest of 4 children, and children frequently learning from older siblings, she eventually passed this mispronounciation from one sibling to the next (all 3 siblings) over several years.
My favorite was “eye bears” instead of eyebrows. Sadly, my little one has outgrown that particular mistake now.
After seeing this a few days ago (I believe you reposted it), I have been writing down some of the cute things my 3 yr old daughter says. Like flipball for football, alligator for elevator, and recently she’ll sing “Oh Mc Fun it is to ride…” while singing Jingle Bells (my personal favorite). But, today I heard a really good one. I am a teacher, and I was reviewing American heroes while working with my kindergarten, and I asked “Who was our first president?” and one of the students replied “George Washing Machine.” I don’t think she knew why I was laughing. Gotta love kindergarteners!
My kids say pug for plug.
My kids
pug=plug
da cereaw game= cereal game
cock=clock
My youngest says he wants to buy me a heart cock (clock)
obviously like your web site but you have to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts.
Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find
it very troublesome to tell the reality however I
will surely come again again.
My son calls hand sanitizer hanitizer and he calls napkins maknins. I’ve gotten so used to those pronunciations I asked a friend pass the maknins at lunch the other day. Oopsie woopsie.
“wee wee” = kiwi
I don’t have any kids, so I figured I’d embarrass myself and post what I used to call pancakes. They were pantycakes or pannycakes, depending on who I talked to and how old I was. It was a very long time before I figured out they were pancakes.
My brother had a speech impediment growing up so it was often hard to understand him. I think he called a pumpkin punching once. He said a few gems that I wish I could remember.
My daughter who is now 7, pronounced cupcakes as pupcakes until she was 5 or 6.
My 2 year old called firetrucks “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks”. It was so hilarious we never corrected him…even my granny laughed.
My 3 year old loves to go to McDonald’s as a treat for a happy meal and gets very excited her dessert, the YOGI BOOB – yogurt tube… and she asks for it very loudly… in the middle of Playland. .. sigh
my oldest son had a shirt with a picture of a triangle spaceship on it which he called a pizza ship, but it sounded like “piece a shit” I discovered this one day when he asks me where his piece of shit shirt was, after I went through the I paid good money for that shirt routine I finally got it. my middle son tells everyone he wants to be a ninja , but he says it with a ” G” sound, we now say power ranger lol