Kids mispronouncing words is the gift that keeps on giving. Last time we did this, Mazzy was saying “salmons” instead of “almonds” and I was neglecting to correct her because it was TOO DAMN CUTE (check out Totally Butchered Words Part One and Part Two).
Now she’s got that straightened out but she’s saying “constructions” instead of “instructions”. I like to think she’s butchering words at an advanced preschooler level. She’s a genius! Obviously.
My absolute favorite butchered word shows up a lot on Mazzy’s pinterest board. “Sprinklers” instead of “sprinkles”. As in, “I want rainbow sprinklers on my ass ream!”
Below are 21 more words butchered by toddlers, pictured against the words they represent. These are all real mispronounciations submitted by my readers, presumably words their kids say wrong and not words they are messing up themselves. Although, who knows.
Be warned— there are some curse words in very large type. If you’ve got a child who can read or a boss who’s a dick, you might want to make sure they’re not standing behind you.
Just in case you think the women/lemon mistake is cute and innocent, here’s what Kerri had to say about that…
“My son swaps his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’ He sounds like a total creeper.”
Here are few more butchered words where a graphic couldn’t quite do them justice…
Victoria said:
“My daughter learned to call pants britches by a very country relative…she of course pronounced it bitches, as in, ‘Where are my bitches?’ We no longer refer to them as anything but pants.”
Janene said:
“My friend’s baby would say ‘jackin’ for jacket so when she was too warm she would say ‘jackin off’!”
Tiffany said:
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'”
And my favorite from Nicole:
“My son is obsessed with Toy Story. In the movie Andy calls Hamm ‘Evil Dr. Pork Chop’. My son has all the Toy Story toys and proudly shows off his ‘Evil Dr. Fuck Shop’ whenever anybody comes over.”
Please tell me your tales of butchered words below! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to indulge in some good old fashioned Orville Redenbacher Cop Porn.
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I forgot one — not exactly a mispronunciation, but rather a misuse of a word…
My daughter had friends over for her 9th birthday on Friday and as they got out of the car, one yelled “I’m first” then the other girls yelled “No, I am the virgin”… How do I correct that one?!
When it rains my son always wants to go outside with a gorilla (umbrella)
At the beach one day, my son proudly exclaimed he made a “cass asshole” (sand castle). We couldn’t stop laughing! And around the same age, helicopters were “heli-calacala” like some cute hawaiian word.
One day I over heard my neice talking about how her Grandpa “has a big black cock”, I nearly died! My poor Dad never looked at his black TRUCK the same. On the other hand, my kids refer to it as Grandpa’s black fuck.
After going to the zoo, my kids had to tell their aunt all about it… including the fucking birds! Nothing like a FALCON to impress the kiddies!
My daughters 15 month so nothing to funny yet but my little sister used to say canoderink for deodorant and hanga boogers for hamburgers. And of course fire fucks. Lol
When my oldest was 3 years old, he would use “f” in place of the “tr” sound. It was always embarrassing when he would see a truck and scream out, “Fuck!!”.
When my youngest was two he called bridges “bitches.” He loooooooved driving over “bitches” and would squeal “here comes da big bitch!” as we approached them.
Snizzers for scissors was always cute. But the best/worst was when my then-three year old said she wanted to be a “call girl” when she grew up. Ack!!! What?!?! After some questioning, it turns out she wanted to be a COWgirl….ahhhh….much better!
We took my 5 year old daughter to Niagara Falls this summer and she has been talking about it ever since, the problem is she calls is “Nigger Falls”……in public…..and every single time I try and try to correct her but she thinks she is pronouncing it properly and I feel like the worst mother in the world because my 5 year old sounds racist!
When my daughter was 3 and we were carving pumpkins she used pumpkin “dicks and goopers” that is sticks and scoopers from the carving kits! Also, big sister rode the ghoul bus. Sc and st words were tough!
I remember being six or so and my mom stopped by a family’s house. There was a girl about eight, I recognized her from recess. They were eating dinner, spaghetti. She wanted more pasghetti. Her dad told she could if she said it the right way…by the time our moms were done, she had tried multiple times and was bawling and was told to leave the table because she couldn’t say spaghetti right. I was terrified of that dad.
Haha, my nephew used to do the same thing, and because I’m such a cool auntie, I got him to say it as much as I could.
After my 2nd child was born, I would often ask my 2 year old to help out with little stuff. One afternoon I asked him to grab a spit rag while I was nursing the baby, he threw it across the room and it went behind the couch. He followed it up with, “Oh tit, Mommy. I sorry!” Oh tit meaning…oh shit. Mommy Fail!
My little Brother says Fuckin when he try to say falcon and he will yell falcon dragon and my daughter will fun around with a big stick so when try are in harmony it’s Fuckin Dragon Big Dick
My 4 year old called the acorn he found an ‘anal’. My husband and I tried to convince him that it was an ACORN, but my son was convinced that it was his ‘anal’ and he proceeded to call it that to everyone at church. Just lovely.
To this day, we have no clue where he would have heard that word.
My daughter when about 18 months would pronounce Fox as F*#k. Her grandma read her a book about a naughty fox, which she loved! So much she talked about the naughty F8#k to EVERYONE! Even had a song about the ‘naughty fox’!
I know this is common, but our 3 year old still says DUMB FUCK for DUMP TRUCK. The best is my husband will say in front of company “call Auntie E (or whom ever may be visiting) a dump truck”. To which our toddler proudly says “Auntie E you a dumb fuck”.
My daughter did the opposite… she loved peanuts/peanut butter, but they always came out “penis” and “penis butter.”
My son called trucks “butts” for the longest time. We’ve had construction on the end of our street for over a year now and he would yell out at breakfast every morning as he looked out the window “LOOK! A BIG BUTT!!” I miss that. They’re twucks now which is sweet but not as funny 😉
These are all so funny – Once when we were visiting Universal Studios my daughter referred to Woody the Woodpecker as “Woody the Pecker” – lol! 🙂 Gotta love it!
Oh and my son (2) also calls pillows “beds.” If his pillow is not on his bed he’ll yell, “I need my bed!” It’s absolutely adorable 🙂
When my daughter was two, she learned to say motorcycle, except it sounded like “Mother fucker.” Like, “Mommy look! There’s two Mo fo kos!”
When my now 3 year old was about 1 1/2, we were reading Skippy John Jones books almost every night and there is a line about a “flock of birds” while on a trip to the park with my mom she begins to scream “fuck a bird” pointing a group of ducks by the pond! When the story was retold a family dinner that night, my daughter repeated the phrase – resulting in a round of hysterical laughter that only encouraged her. This went on for the next year or so, usually in parks but once in a crowded mall when she saw some birds stenciled on a department store window. It was bad. There’s even a video somewhere my brother-in-law took to share with his family.
Me, trouble with “s”. Sucker became Fucker.
I shared this on Facebook with the following comment:
“My daughter used to eat with a “fuck and a oon” and we played in the sand at the “bitch.” And she asked for us to “weed books” when we were not trying on the perfect pair of “Jews.”
In the middle of Walmart in a very segregated arear, she pointed to books and screamed, “Weed, Mommy, Weed” and then immediately, pointing the Dora shoes, “Wook Mommy, Jews!”
I’m a Black woman with, at the time, a mini-afro so, I imagine that everyone there thought I was an Anti-Semitic Pot Head! It was great!”
Somehow, my son started calling girl parts a purse. He would say girls have a purse and boys have a penis. We have no idea where this came from and he was so convinced of it we could not change his mind for a long time.
My 2.5 year old boy loves Dr. Seuss’s Fox in Socks; so every night when we ask him what story does he want, he starts screaming “FUCKING SOCKS! FUCKING SOCKS! FUCKING SOCKS!” While jumping on his bed.
Our boy’s is Gock car….
I think my favourites are “Dib” = Bib, “Peas” = Please and “Dude” = Food. So whenever he’s hungry it’s “more dude peas” !! 😀
My son cried and cried to have “Farmer John” with dinner. I couldn’t figure out what he wanted and finally took him out of his high chair and said “show me!” He made a bee line for the pantry and pointed to the tall green jar of Parmesan cheese.
My two year old has had me rolling the last couple days. The Sesame Street character Snufalupagus comes out as snookle-fuck-a-face. I’ve had to leave the room so I don’t laugh in front of her
My older son called magnets “magnetics” and bombs were “bominations”, courtesy of him being confused by the demolition Batman suit in the Lego Batman videogame, which allowed Batman to blow things up with bombs. And now we have the amusement of my youngest being unable to pronounce the letter x correctly, so his stuffed fox is a “fuck” XD
My three year old daughter says ‘Alligator’ for ‘Elevator.’
We had mazagines. To this day, 30 years later, we still read mazagines. Not sure how to pronounce it any other way thanks to my 3 year old daughter.
Also, we took baths in the tabub (bathtub) and washed with a cloff-cloff.
Then we put our sock-ons on. We also took our sock-ons off.
Bad part is, I only remember her funny words and not her brother’s two years later. Must be ‘cuz he’s a genius and pronounced them perfectly? Yeah, that’s it. 🙂
My 4 year old son could not say chocolate milk when he was 2. It ALWAYS was cock in milk. All his cousins which are teens would do everything thing they could to get him to ask for some!!
my son is obsessed with all things construction, especially the heavy equipment. forklift is “fuckwit” and bulldozer is “bozer”. the newest word he learned was “burn” (as in, don’t touch hot things because you might get burned), which he says as “berm”.
oh, also, concrete is usually “cock meat”. it’s hard to keep a straight face sometimes.
My son says “bi-curious” instead of “hilarious.” And he’s at that age (3.5) when he asks questions all the time, and if you don’t answer, in the hopes that he’ll shut up, he just gets louder and louder. So it usually starts off, “Mommy, are you funny? Are you, Mommy? Mommy, are you bi-curious? Are you, Mommy? ARE YOU BI-CURIOUS, MOMMY? ARE YOU SO BI-CURIOUS, MOMMMMMMY?”
My daughter struggles with her “f” sound and we often get a “p” instead – so Old Macdonald has a parm. Not too much of an issue until we were potty training and she’d say “I need pood” at dinner time leading us to dash her to the toilet when really she was just hungry…
My brother had speech issues when he was younger, which provided our family with endless comedy (unfortunately for him). Juice was pronounced “goot” for quite a while and later became “goose.” Dessert was pronounced “dee-dirt” and my mom would tell to go dig it up from the garden. Yeah, not very nice, I know.
My boys say hostabul too! love it. my 3yr old also says halmark for walmart.
my niece pronounces “my sneakers” the same way – I thought she sounded like a wannabe rapper when she got excited that they light up and started screaming “my ni**as!!”. Hilarious, but totally sounds like a racist.
According to my 3yo, we have a lot of Piss (fish) in our Piss (fish) tank.
When I was a toddler I would call Vienna sausage “chicken sticks,” except it came out sounding like “chicken dicks,” which happens to be exactly what they look like! Supposedly I really liked em, and my parents kept them in the house just for kicks. 🙂
My 4 year-old can’t pronounce ‘Despicable Me’ properly, so she says ‘spicable me.’ For a while, I had no idea what she was talking about because we hadn’t seen the movie together. I kept wondering what she was learning at her new preschool!
She also mixes up pimples and nipples all the time. she was look at her face the other day and said “I’m getting old.” “Why do you say that?” I asked and she replied with “Look at this nipple on my face!” I almost died.
My 2yr old loves when the “bitch truck” (garbage truck) comes each day to take away our ga-bitch. She also loves “pee-huts” (peanuts). She finds them “malicious” (delicious). I think malicious is a combination of mmmmm…delicious.
My son used to call water wok. So when we were at a wine festival next to a lake he ran over to the lake yelling big wok and pointing.
Also he called chicken bock bock. My cousin made pork for dinner and wanted her kids to think it was chicken so they would eat it. My son ate a bite and informed her that it was oink oink not bock bock.
He also used to call tow trucks hook trucks or hooker trucks. He once asked me where I put his hooker truck.
My son is a Thomas fan, so we at one point bought him a small Percy train for his collection. He sometimes slurs the Rs a bit. Upon hearing his first mispronunciation, we couldn’t help ourselves. So we decided to mess with him, saying this particular train was small enough to put in his pocket…for a while after he was asking always asking us “Where’s my pocket pussy?”. Ha!
So my favorite was my nephew. Instead of truck it sounded like cock, and being the best Auntie ever, I would record him and then ask him what he just saw drive by,,, to which he replied,,, “oh big cock” His mother was not impressed with my sharing of that on facebook! Aunties are the best!
Absolutely hilarious! My son just rambles right now but I can’t wait to see what funny things comes out of his mouth!
Seriously cracking up right now!!!
I have 3 kids, an almost 7 year old boy, an almost 5 year old boy, and a 2 year old girl.
My oldest says “Old McDonalds” for McDonalds, he used to say “Merry Christmas Tree” for Merry Christmas
My middle son told me that he wanted to be “Captain The Merica” for Halloween and used to pronounce his name Jophes.
Daughter is still learning but her form of words are very cute.
My husband and I were watch a friends son a few years ago and he said “Look thats a big fuck!” I thought it was hilarious
I know there are lots more that I can’t think of!
I took my 2 year old son to the grocery store this past weekend. It was a treat, because we almost never do anything with just mommy and him, as I’m usually carting my 3 toddlers around at once. We were walking past the cheese station to get some meat when he started getting very excited. He pointed down the aisle and started shouted (loudly), “Monsters!”
Me: “No honey, there are no monsters here.”
T: “Monsters! I see monsters!”
Me: “Dude. There’s no monsters here. Let’s go.”
T: (whining) “Monsters! I see monsters! I go see monsters.”
Me: “Monsters? Do you mean, ‘Lobsters?”
T: “Yeeees.”
for some reason my 5 year old son can not say buns, it always comes out as bunn-in-ins, or butt-in-ins
OMG I can’t breathe…laughing too hard! Thank you! My 3yo son with a speech delay calls Percy “Pussy” but he hasn’t told anyone they were like Pussy….yet!
We have a cat toy that we call the cat stick. Our two year old often asks for the “cat sick.”
One of our neighbors called Percy “pussy” as well! It was extra funny when he would say “I want to ride pussy!” and “Pussy is my favorite!”
My 7 year old still calls caterpillars “calepitters”. We just don’t have the heart to correct her because it’s so stinkin’ cute!
Pongo-atian for the dogs in 101 Dalmatians and would complain after swimming about the Pauline in his eyes
My daughter used to say “feces” instead of fishies. In Walmart she would yell “I wanna see the feces!”
She also liked watching Antiques Rodeo Show!
I used to babysit a 4 year old who said all the fucks and whatnot but his parents constantly told each other to shut up so Logan would yełl, “No, you up it up!” Or “Don’t tell my mommy to get it up!” So, as great baby sitters (and basically family) we would tell him to tell the truck to shut up. I’m sure the neighbors loved hearing him scream, “FUCK! Just get it up! Up it up!” We just couldn’t help ourselves!
My niece says “Hello Titty” (Hello Kitty)
We have videos of me as a kid calling Cookie Monster “mother-fucker”… I have no idea why. But the best part is… my dad would take me to Toy R Us and ask me to identify the toys just to see the look on everyone’s face when I would scream “mother-fucker” at the top of my lungs.
I worked with toddlers for years, a popular snack was “dese dicks” (cheese sticks.)
We were at the movies for a birthday party, and they had the kids all line up to pick up their snack tray. My son was probably around 3 at the time, and just starting speech therapy. He looked at his snack tray and yelled out VERY excitedly, “COCK PORN!!!” At a 5 year old’s birthday party. The entire lobby looked.
My 5 yr daughter old calls yellow leelo and my husband tries his hardest not to laugh
I work with kids with speech delays. One of the little girls was so excited to tell us about her outfit. Apparently, she was wearing “yogurt pants with sprinkles.” More commonly known as yoga pants with sparkles…
My sons are grown men now, but we still say…
Applepants for Elephants
Motoryuckle for Motorcycle
and
Meat Love for meatloaf
My youngest also said “girl cheese” for grilled cheese
My oldest one day was staring at my chest and said “nice knockers”…she had to repeat it a couple times before I figured out she was complimenting my NECKLACE. My second child had a hard time saying “walk” it always came out “fock”. So she would loudly announce “fock you, Mommy!” When she wanted to go for a walk with me….
When my niece was little (about 18 years ago)she could not say ‘wallaby’. The letters l and b were swapped around and we ended up with ‘wobally’ instead. It stuck and now we all call wallabies ‘woballies’. This has been passed onto the other children in the family, my daughter included.
We have those Quaker chewy bars that are dipped in chocolate, called chewy dips. My 3 year old niece calls them “chewy dicks”.
My 20 month old son finds the “cock” in every location we go to. The grocery store, family or friend’s house, Gymboree class, television, books, etc. What is he really saying? “Clock.”
one of my favorites from when my niece was younger…she used to call cockroaches “crotch rotches”
My son used the word “elbows” when talking about nipples for a long time. We talked of nipples often because he was curious about his nursing baby brother.
When my little brother was a toddler, he would pronounce “please” as “bweah”. And up until he was about five he called Honey Nut Cheerios “nahkeys”.
When my 5 yr old was younger every Starbucks was a foffee house. He always wanted his hemet to ride his trikle and when he was big enough for a bicycle he would ask to ride his
tri-bikle.
Now, he likes to eat scabaghetties (spaghetti) an tomatos, except he means potatos. When I correct him and try to get him to say it correctly, he say p-tomatos.
My mom said when I was little she would sit on the couch and cross-stitch while I played. One day we were listening to music and I was playing air guitar when the phone rang. I answered it and when asked what we were up to that day I told them ” well my mom is crotch stitching while I play my titar” now we laugh pretty hard about that one and I can’t wait to hear what my little one will be saying!
I said Pagina until I was 13. So, when my mother gave me a book to read for Sex Ed, I was completely baffled and returned it to her, saying it was boring. It took me a while to figure out how things “really worked” needless to say . . .
My niece is now 12, she used to say fucker instead of freckle. used to get her to call people freckles all the time 🙂
My younger son, when he was 6 or so (he’s 16 now), had a hard time saying certain letters if they were at the beginning of words (L’s were a hard one for him). So for him, lollipops were “wallypops”. And, my older boy (who will be 19 in May), as we were crossing a bridge, looked out and saw a buoy bobbing in the water. When he asked what it was, I told him that it was a buoy, to which he responded with, “What is a bluey???” And, for both my younger boy and my daughter (who is 13), used to call pistachios “stachios”! 🙂
My 2yo was excitedly telling my mom about the birdfeeder that she’d made in class that day. “Look Grandma! I made a beedfurdur!” “A what?” “Um, it’s a burdurfurdur.” She couldn’t quite make up her mind. 😀
I asked a friend’s little girl what her aunt was doing in California. She told me she went to live with her John. FYI, John is her son.
My sister offered her son grilled cheese and he started crying. She said, “why are you crying? You like grilled cheese.” His reply, “I no want GIRL cheese, I want BOY cheese.” He’s 11 now and we still offer him a boy cheese sandwich.
My daughter is 20 now, but at 3 she loved the Disney movie Hercules, her favorite character was Megra, and her favorite line in the movie was when Megra Is arguing with and grabs him by the collar and says , ” Do you want a piece of me?” Jasmine would say ” do you want a piece of meat?”. When your excited or happy about something you might say ” hip hip hooray!”, my child would say. ” hip hip parade!”. Unfortunately, at ten she was still mangling the language, this time, she had gone somewhere with her BFF, while in the car Hispanic, not thinking , pop in her new Prince CD. My child comes home and tells me how she heard the new Prince CD and it had some very explikit ( explicit) lyrics, that same year she proclaimed as we were entering Target on the day before Easter, that she has never had nor will she ever try Chicklings ( Chitterlings) , then just two years ago, I was picking her up from her friends house, after they returned from a three day trip, while she was gone her aunt, my sister had a colonoscopy, she asked about the results and I told her that the doctor said everything looked good, so then replied “so she didn’t have any pile- ups (polyps)”. I had to ask her again, because I wanted to make sure I didn’t hear wrong and she repeats, I
” I said so she didn’t have any pile-ups?” I hadn’t laughed that hard since the chickling incident almost exactly 8 years earlier.
My two year old son loves grapes…. he calls them BURPS. lol
You know those green insects that can jump really far? My brother used to call them ass-poppers, which made perfect sense to me.
My daughter the Bunnyworm used to call armadillos “eye-dildos” until we very carefully taught her to say “arm-diwo” instead.
We were at a stop light and there was a dead one on the side of the road. “Gramma! Gramma! Lookit eye dildo is dead! The eye dildo is dead! Car kiwt the eye dildo!”
and nothing but dead silence afterwards as I tried to see the armadillo (which was very dead)..
All berries are “babies” to our 2 1/2 year old. All summer, one of his favorite things to do was “hep pick black babies”, he wants “stawbaby cupcaykes” with “stawbaby frawsting” for his 3rd birthday in May. He also loves “boo babies”
I often have to stop and think about the context of our conversations. The other day, he was whispering and I thought he was asking to brush his teeth, when he really wanted to flush the toilet. Requests to brush teeth have also been mistakenly heard when he makes requests to visit Chuck E. Cheese…
I am now going to refer to everything cool as “La shit”. Thank you. I am laughing so hard!
Lol. This is great.
When my daughter was 2, she had a hard time making the “cl” sound, so whenever she saw a clock she would yell, “look, mommy, a cock!” Now she likes to pretend to be her favorite fairy, tinkle-bell.
For a while my daughter’s “tr” came out as “F” so whenever we would drive she would point all the big fucks out to her brother
My 2 year old calls frogs “fucks” and frogies are “fuckies.”
Also, he has a pacifier with a frog on it. He asks for his “fuckie paci” alot.
We’ve had from my daughter-
Cock porn for pop corn
Cock for clock
One direction becomes One Erection!
All these have to be shouted as loud as possible in the most public areas!
Both my daughters said chickmunks instead of chipmunks, which we thought was so cute. Also my youngest was confused about which were bees and which were hornets, so she just called both of them ‘horny bees’ haha. And yogurt was ‘nogurt’!
The best of course, is beach. We live in Florida, in Daytona beach. Consistently pronounced bitch. It’s awesome. Haha
My daughter also said hangabugger, and ak-a-pokka was helicopter. Now she’s 9 and I miss it so!!!
We went to a library where they had a pet cat and my daughter told the librarian ‘You have a nice titty”.
Also some goodies from my sons: mercenary for missionary (elementary school when he said that).
computer was ‘tuputor’, guitar was ‘butar’, gravel was ‘gravity’.
and the best of all time, in my opinion:
My two year old had just heard Jack in the Bean Stalk for the first time and we heard him going around the house singing’ Fee Fi Fo Fum. I smell (hmell) the blood of a English Muffin…”
I laughed so hard at Star Whores. My youngest used to call Star Wars the Clone Wars “Star Whores a Cunt Whores”
When my son was learning the Pledge if Allegiance he mistakenly thought it was: One nation, I’m your god instead of one nation, under God.
My 2 y.o. daughter and her friend (who is 2 mins older than her) both refer to a clock as a “cock”. It’s quite funny when we are at home but even funnier when my girlfriend and I had them in Target and they saw lots of “big cocks” as we were in the clock/picture frame department. The kids were having fun pointing to them and saying it over and over.. Which my girlfriend and I found hysterical. The more we laughed, the more they said it. So funny!!
My daughter also says “fag” instead of flag and “cock” instead of chalk. One day while we were out playing with chalk in the driveway, she noticed the flag hanging by the door. She couldn’t stop talking about how much she likes cock and fags. Hysterical!!