Kids mispronouncing words is the gift that keeps on giving. Last time we did this, Mazzy was saying “salmons” instead of “almonds” and I was neglecting to correct her because it was TOO DAMN CUTE (check out Totally Butchered Words Part One and Part Two).
Now she’s got that straightened out but she’s saying “constructions” instead of “instructions”. I like to think she’s butchering words at an advanced preschooler level. She’s a genius! Obviously.
My absolute favorite butchered word shows up a lot on Mazzy’s pinterest board. “Sprinklers” instead of “sprinkles”. As in, “I want rainbow sprinklers on my ass ream!”
Below are 21 more words butchered by toddlers, pictured against the words they represent. These are all real mispronounciations submitted by my readers, presumably words their kids say wrong and not words they are messing up themselves. Although, who knows.
Be warned— there are some curse words in very large type. If you’ve got a child who can read or a boss who’s a dick, you might want to make sure they’re not standing behind you.
Just in case you think the women/lemon mistake is cute and innocent, here’s what Kerri had to say about that…
“My son swaps his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’ He sounds like a total creeper.”
Here are few more butchered words where a graphic couldn’t quite do them justice…
“My daughter learned to call pants britches by a very country relative…she of course pronounced it bitches, as in, ‘Where are my bitches?’ We no longer refer to them as anything but pants.”
“My friend’s baby would say ‘jackin’ for jacket so when she was too warm she would say ‘jackin off’!”
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'”
And my favorite from Nicole:
“My son is obsessed with Toy Story. In the movie Andy calls Hamm ‘Evil Dr. Pork Chop’. My son has all the Toy Story toys and proudly shows off his ‘Evil Dr. Fuck Shop’ whenever anybody comes over.”
Please tell me your tales of butchered words below! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to indulge in some good old fashioned Orville Redenbacher Cop Porn.
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