Most people probably know Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling for his dirty jokes. After all, he was Howard Stern’s sidekick for fifteen years. But, here’s a little known fact— Jackie is quick with G-rated jokes too.

Before his appearance on The Mommy Show, Jackie sent Mazzy a Jokemaster Junior, which is basically a little box with a face on it that tells hundreds of kids’ jokes if you press the nose.


She plays the jokes over and over until she memorizes them and then loves to tell them all wrong. For the first month of the Jokemaster’s appearance in our home, Mazzy slept with it every night. It was not uncommon to wake-up to an accidental activation of Jackie’s voice at 2am.

T121987What does a spider eat for lunch? A burger and FLIES.

Mazzy has been making me tell her three jokes before bed for almost a year now. When it first started, I would tell her the same three jokes every night.

She was FINE with this.

After Jackie appeared on the show, Mazzy started demanding new jokes. I tried my best to remember the ones from the Jokemaster.

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Then, even those jokes got old and now Mazzy gets mad every time I tell a joke she’s heard before. I’ve tried to explain that this is how comics operate. They have one half hour set and do the same thing every night for years. She doesn’t buy it. She wants three NEW jokes. EVERY. NIGHT.

I have no choice but to make the jokes up on the spot, and THEY ARE TERRIBLE.


The Jokemaster has a joke on it that goes “Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the MOOOO-VIES.” I pretty much use that joke as my model and make up all my jokes around animal sounds.

What did the crow have for dinner? CAWWWW-fish.

How did the cat do on the test? He got a PURRRR-fect score.

What did the dog think of the sandpaper? It was RUFF.

What does the horse call the guy next door? His NAAAAAAY-bor.

I could go on forever, really.

But instead, I’m going to direct you to Jackie’s appearance on “The Mommy Show” where we talk about what kids find funny. (Spoiler Alert: FARTS.) And Jackie proves he is much better than I am coming up with jokes on the spot.

Also, in the show, we make sock puppets, Jackie tries to put together my breast pump and Harlow makes her first big appearance.


I made Jackie feed her baby food, which was hilarious because it was her first week eating solids and she was not that into them. I’m not sure if her reactions are due to disappointment in real people food or Jackie’s horrible jokes.

You be the judge. Go watch this week’s episode of The Mommy Show and then come back to tell me what you think.

Or, instead of telling me what you think, tell me your favorite G-rated joke in the comment section below. Jackie was kind enough to write up some kids’ jokes specifically for my fans on his website today too.

I need to have an arsenal ready for Mazzy’s bedtime.