After the success of my first butchered words post, I got so many additional great responses that I had to put together a second.
Again, these are all graphic representations of actual mispronounced words from the mouths of toddlers, reported by readers. Some adorable, some amusing and some that might make you lock your child in their room until they get it right.
WARNING UPON REQUEST: Make sure there isn’t a child who can read standing behind you before you scroll down. (Sorry!)
and of course…
And here’s the story of one more mispronounced word that didn’t quite translate with a picture.
Picture us sitting around having a nice family dinner. My 7 year-old wanted us to play the rhyming game.
“I’ll go first! Things that rhyme with ‘or’. Whore!”
Dead silence from my husband and I. Confused look from child.
“You know. Whore! Like the movies Daddy likes to watch!”
Dead silence increases and panic starts to set in.
“You know – the movies that are scary for me!”
Hubby and I break into peals of laughter (after huge sighs of relief!)
“Oh, you mean HORROR!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said! What’s so funny??”
I hope everyone has a good weekend and thanks for not freaking out when I didn’t post on Wednesday. Apparently, I can skip a day and the world still turns as usual.
Have a great weekend. I hope it’s warm enough for an ASS REAM CONE!
— Mommy Shorts
Yup the last 3 there is uttered often in my house by the toddler.
The whore one just made me die a little inside. In a good way.
When I was a teen, I was babysitting a 10-year-old who assured me she had been to a whore house. Further questioning (very cautious questioning!) revealed that this visit had taken place last Halloween. Whew!
Too funny! I plan to use some of these when my toddler repeats certain words I should not say in front of her- ‘oh, I dont know why she’s talking about ducks’ :)-
My favorite toddler malapropism, uttered by my niece, started with the phrase “Hello Kitty clock.”
I’m sure you can imagine what happened. Suffice it to say, my sister won’t be shopping that THAT Target again anytime soon.
I’ve even heard adults call crayons “crowns.” What IS that?
had i known you were going to do another, i would have sent in mine from my almost 3 year old! so here they are, incase you do a third round 🙂
and my favorite that he just can’t get right…
🙂 That was totally a true story! After we recovered I emailed it to all our family/friends and my work colleagues! I don’t think words could ever convey the expressions on our faces while it played out, and I actually learned what “deafening silence” really means! lol! It is vaulted for her wedding day, that’s for sure!
My daughter had bunches as a toddler, but even at 6.5 she still says “ambliance” (Am-Blee-ants) for ambulance. I admit that I don’t correct her because it’s so sweet!
My three year old calls Rice Krispies Treats a wrapped Christmas tree.
Boops for wellies is cute. And all the fucks make you wonder if toddlers do this intentionally, just to embarass their moms.
About the Mickey Mouse Crackhouse, the show does make you feel like you’re on crack sometimes (what with the colors and all) so that toddler just expressed what I’ve always been thinking.
My oldest is nine now. When she was 3ish, our dog had a stuffed Eyeore toy that she’d drag around and chew on. The kid would always say, ‘puppy has ewhore’. I could never stifle the giggles. Ewhore. Electronic whores? Holy funny.
I can’t talk to my niece unless my sister is there to translate. She was trying to help me with my daughter (7 months, my niece is 2) and kept asking where her bubbles were. I told her she didn’t have any bubbles, she was too young. Over and over for five minutes until my niece found my daughter’s bottle.
Wow… I really think this post could have used a censorship warning! I mean, I knew it was coming… And this post is sooo one of my favorites, but what I didn’t know was that WHILE I was reading it, my 8 year old was directly behind me, reading it too… as I got to the last 4 pictures, she started reading them out loud… She of course, has no idea that F*** is a bad word, so when she starts reading them, I turned, HORRIFIED and explained that we don’t use that word, and that it’s NOT a good word. Her response? “But you were laughing at it… how could it be bad?” Crap… Lucy! You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do… 🙂
Just added a warning. SORRY!!!!
I LOVE this list. Still smiling, starting to hurt my cheeks. Here’s to all the fucks. Kids are the best kind of entertainment.
Thanks! 🙂 I do love the post, even if I did have to have an uncomfortable discussion with my daughter…
My daughter keeps saying “douchebag” for juice bag, you know like the kind the Honest Kids juices or Capri Sun come in. At least I think that is what that means:/
My child can NOT say the word “Armadillo”. It comes out Arma-dildo EVERY time. And I SWEAR I’ve never said that word around him. He’s said it to his Sunday school teachers at church and in public. I’ve been mortified for 4 years now at his mispronunciation.
My 27 month old son, who loves trains, calls Thomas “tatas”. I giggle almost every time.
Those were great! My daughter, 7, has just gotten over calling her dad’s favorite movie “Star Whores”. LOL.
My six year old son surprised us with, “I want my hooker!” What? “My hooker.” Honey, I don’t understand what you want. “My hooker truck, Mater.” Oh, you want Mater, the tow truck. “It’s a hooker truck mommy because it has a hook.”
Oh, and I remember as a toddler, my (now 7 year old) nephew could neither say Percy (from Thomas) or broken. So when Percy happened to be broken one day….Aunt Nichole nearly peed herself laughing at what came out of his mouth!!
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I missed Part 1.
Some of my favorites from my own kids:
Kick stand (concession stand)
By the fourth “fuck” I was officially laughing my ass off.
Which is a good thing since my husband is skiing in Mammoth this weekend and I’m not likely to get any other action.
Hahahaha these are great. I am still grinning. Heh, the “girl cheese” (vs. “boy cheese,” lol) was my comment…my brother always said that. 🙂
These are awesome. My two year old likes the f-word as well. Dump trucks are called (emphatically and repeatedly) ‘bum fucks’. Tee hee!
Ha ha ha ha…both my husband and I just laughed our asses off reading these. Except I may or may not have read them out loud and then my 2 year old said “fuck.” Oops.
When my daughter was little she called popsicles “hot pickles” & humans were “qumans”!!
I thought my son was the only one who called ducks, fucks. It’s great when he talks about fucks around his very conservative grandmother.
“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.”
My 8 y.o. son loves to watch my husband play video games. Whenever my husband’s character gets killed/injured/etc., my boy used to say
“That should HURT!”
But it sounded JUST like “That shit HURT!”
I had to clarify to him that it would be better to say “that WOULD hurt.”
Oh, and aren’t TRUCKS also “fucks”?
In Germany they call tow trucks hookers. Mater’s name in the translated movie is Hooker. I have had to explain to more than one person at the Kindergarten I work at why this cracks me up 🙂
I am sitting here in my office, laughing HYSTERICALLY!!! That post was awesome. I think I need to take a look at the rest of this website! I just discovered it a few minutes ago.
19 month old daughter:, “Shit-poop! Shit-poop! Shit-poop!”
Translation: “Swimsuit! Swimsuit! Swimsuit!”
I just happened upon this and am cracking up, but I can’t help but mention that in much of the South “crowns” is the accepted pronunciation for “crayons.” I was so confused the first time I heard my Midwestern cousins refer to them as “crans”…I thought they were talking about berries and they thought I was talking about royalty.
I have a couple more…
“SHIRT” is pronounced with a nearly silent “r” = “SH*T”
“PURSE” also with the “r” silent = “PUSS”
My Mom had to get false teeth, my son told her she didn’t brush her teeth right, she had “cabbages” (cavities). Hello, embarrassing.
When my now 5 year old was 2-3.5 she pronounced Clock as Cock! She loved to point at them and yell it loudly! VERY embarrassing so we decided to get her a watch thinking that the novelty would wear off…. Nope every-time she bumped it dropped it or forgot she would wail “oooh noo my COOOCK!”
As a former child mispronouncer, I would like to request that you please correct your children before they reach school-age!!!
I went to kindergarten thinking grill cheese was “girl cheese” and sun bathing was “sun babe-ing”.
Thanks, mom and dad.
My nephew had a “Percy” the train from the whole “Thomas” series, and he couldn’t pronounce his ‘r’ for a few years. He would often bring it in public on shopping trips and then drop it and yell, “My Pussy! My Pussy fell down!” Haha. After his mother got sick of this once she took it away, to which he instead loudly wailed, “I want my pussy back! I waaaaant my puuuusssssyyy!”
My 2 1/2 daughter just LOVES noodles. She loves them SO much that when we are in a restaurant she will order it herself. This would be fine, even encouraged had she not pronounced it so terribly wrong. So wrong in fact that I wont even type it, but to give a hint – think of a terrible horrible word used by racist people and most rappers…………….. yup, we tend to eat in a lot more often now.
I just found this post, and wanted to add in a few my daughter used to say.
The cute one was when she would put on her “candles” to go outside in the summer (sandals) and the hilarious one was pointing out and yelling “heli-cockers” whenever a helicopter would fly by.
The boys I used to nanny were in LOVE with Star Wars and it took some major convincing one afternoon that C3PO’s name was actually not C-Breekio.
Oh I forgot one in my other comment: a-b-schmee-mouse-cock-com (abcmouse.com) HA!
Aw… Kelly had the same as me!
My little one LOVES Thomas and Percy. Or Toss and Pussy as they are known around our house… and the neighborhood… and daycare…
My little boy says “goose bus” for school bus; he has this weird thing where his G and C/K sounds are similar, and also that he moves an S that belongs at the front of the word with a blend to the end (tops for stop, goose/coose bus for school bus, etc.). Thankfully, he can say his Rs… 🙂
hilarious!! had to stifle my snickers at work.
My girls are past this stage and it’s hard to remember them – the only one that has stuck around is Ma-nay-nays.
My mum has a story about me though, at about 2 years old, wanting a fork in a restaurant. So I repeatedly yelled for a “FUCK”.
My sister would said “calipitter” instead of “caterpillar” all the way until she went to school and learner how to sound it out. My 5 year old son said “grumpstick” for the chicken “drumstick”. When he turned 6 it turned into “gumpstick”. “Motorcycle” was also “moshe-badaball”.
My kid is still cooking but I’m so excited for all of his cute messed up words! My parents never corrected me on ‘crooked’ so for a while it was ‘cricket’ and unless I think about it first, it’s ‘cricked.’ My sister and I both said ‘babulance’ for ambulance which they also never corrected because my dad is an EMPT but we have since figured it out. My 4 year old brother is just hilarious because he babies nonsense constantly. He walked into my house the other day and loudly declared that they would have to leave because I had no alarms and that just would not do for the ‘guppies’ (puppies). We still have no clue what that means lol.
I was in the car with my cousin and her then 2 year old son. As we drove past a shopping center, he started to cry how we needed to go get “Dorsies”. We had no idea what he meant. We asked him and he got so frustrated that we couldn’t understand just how important the “Dorsies” were. We sat there trying desperately to console him when we finally figured out he wanted us to stop and get “Dorsies=groceries”!
My Mom told me a story that when I was very small I told her and my Grandmother that I wanted my “Po”. They couldn’t figure out what I meant and I got really mad. Finally they figured out I meant “Po=Pillow”. I got my “Po” and harmony was restored.
My much younger brother loved M&Ms when he was little, but just couldn’t say it. They started as “nem-na-nems”, and eventually just became “nem-nems”. My aunt couldn’t say ice cream and eggs as a child. She’s 45 now, but my family still eats “peam” and “megs”.
Peanut butter was “penis butter” for a while and the airport was the “whore port.” All joy and a smidge of fun.
When my first child Will was around two, he couldn’t say two consonants together very well. Once I remember him holding up a stick and saying, “Look Mommy, I got a big dick!”
I visit a chiropractor regularly, and my daughter likes to come and play with the toys in the waiting area. She calls it the “doctorpractor.”
My daughter (2 yrsold) calls cookies -douchies. Chips are shits.
My niece, when she was about 2-3, loved to go to the grocery store with my sister.. Sometimes still does at 17 now, but they shopped at a very well known place in Florida… She, called it Pubix! Never laughed so hard after I heard they went there for the food we were going to eattated…
My mom used to love to go to Fudruckers to eat, great burgers! But when she said it it always came out Fuck puckers! We used to laugh so hard at that!
One of my sisters, at age 11, was telling is all at dinner about her arrogant new boyfriend… Except she kept saying argonat ! My mom had to spit out her dinner bite on that one!
You missed my son’s most common: every night at dinner he insists on having a fork, knife and spoon… He doesn’t know how to pronounce his ‘s’ yet so naturally spoon becomes poon. It’s very awkward when family or friend come for dinner and he yells “mommy Where is my poon? I want poon now!” (It makes it even worse since he forgets to add the article ‘a’ to his sentence). His most embarrassing use of the word so far. When I dropped my spoon on the floor “Mommy wash your poon. It’s dirty.” Mortified.
My son’s interpretation of armadillo was “I’m a dildo” which was then shortened to just dildo.
I think the saddest thing about this is that I dated a guy in high school who still pronounced it ‘crown’.
When my sister was little, she couldn’t say the word vanilla, but it was her favorite flavor of ice cream. So she would ask, quite loudly, for ‘the white stuff’. It was pretty funny.
My daughter is only 14 months old, so we’re doing pretty good so far. For a while, bye-bye was ‘hi-hi’, but that’s about as butchered as we’ve gotten. So far.
I’ve been laughing so hard I’m crying, this is awesome!
To add to your collection from my own childhood and from some of my friend’s kids:
1) Cimumum = cinnamon
2) Alumumum = aluminium
3) Bitch = Beach
4) Badito = Burrito
5) Kepuch = Ketchup
6) Peas = Please
Oh the joys of children!!!
These are awesome! My illustrated kid quote this week was a butchered kid word. My 3-year-old Sabrina calls humpback whales COMBAT whales.
A few more of my favorites:
That man is BOLD! (the man has no hair)
Watch out for the HOT LLAMA! (Hot Lava)
And my favorite / most potentially embarrassing:
COP PORN. As in, throw a bag of COP PORN in the microwave before we start the movie.
my 2 year old calls a propeller: Paella
My 3 year old use to call helicopters “helloTrecklers”.
When my granddaughter used to say helicopter it sounded like haut couture.
My daughter used to wear a bean soup to the seen cool (bathing suit, swimming pool)
My son called chipmunks “shitfucks” when he was learning to talk.
My daughter called dinosaurs diarrhea for the longest time..
Momma can I play with diarrhea?
I sleep with diarrhea.
I give diarrhea a kiss..
You get the idea.
oh man, thank you for these 2 posts, it’s been i dunno how long since I laughed till I shook & cried!!!
my 6 y/o still says noodles as “moodles” since he was 2!! my nephew said “too-ta” for water
My almost 4 year old calls helicopters wind copters. And the first time he seen a live chicken he screamed gicken!
My girlie is three and still talks with a bit of a twist. My favourite: Seeping Booty. Nope, neither some terrible disease nor pins and needles from sitting on the throne for too long… I’m almost sad she pronounces it Sleeping Beauty now.
When my niece was little she called a fire truck of course a “fire fuck” and butterscotch was “skiterbitch”! Lol
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My stepson used to call those black marks on the roadway “squidmarks”.
My almost 3 year old at Christmas at the mall kept calling mannequins mechanics. Pretty cute.
For some reason also used to call elephants haminess… I was sad when that one was gone.
My brother used to call strawberries “Bobosies”. My cousin said “Fire Fuck” for Fire Truck and I called pocketbooks “Pick-A-Pockets”. My daughter’s don’t have any mispronunciations that I remember. That’s sad 🙁
My kids called the confessional at church (Catholic) the “confession stand”, and last rights “annoying of the sick” (instead of anointing of the sick).
Vicky the babysitter from the Nickelodeon show Fairly Odd Parents is “Bicky the basybitter” to my niece and nephew
LOL so funny! XD
My son likes to play with chalk in the backyard, but he pronounces it with a K sound instead of CH. He also has a problem with the word clock, without the L it sounds like the way he pronounces chalk! It gets awkward when he yells those words in public.
As for my daughter, she says lie berry instead of library, and mote in a troll instead of remote control. LOL
Love these types of posts!
Both my kids have trouble saying the S sound in many words so horse came out as whore.
The problem is that they both are obsessed with horses and they would yelling it when ever they saw a toy horse at the store and we got weird looks from many people, so we told them to say pony instead until they learn to say it correctly.
Also, my nephew pronounces Percy the train without the R sound.