Kids mispronouncing words is the gift that keeps on giving. Last time we did this, Mazzy was saying “salmons” instead of “almonds” and I was neglecting to correct her because it was TOO DAMN CUTE (check out Totally Butchered Words Part One and Part Two).
Now she’s got that straightened out but she’s saying “constructions” instead of “instructions”. I like to think she’s butchering words at an advanced preschooler level. She’s a genius! Obviously.
My absolute favorite butchered word shows up a lot on Mazzy’s pinterest board. “Sprinklers” instead of “sprinkles”. As in, “I want rainbow sprinklers on my ass ream!”
Below are 21 more words butchered by toddlers, pictured against the words they represent. These are all real mispronounciations submitted by my readers, presumably words their kids say wrong and not words they are messing up themselves. Although, who knows.
Be warned— there are some curse words in very large type. If you’ve got a child who can read or a boss who’s a dick, you might want to make sure they’re not standing behind you.
Just in case you think the women/lemon mistake is cute and innocent, here’s what Kerri had to say about that…
“My son swaps his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’ He sounds like a total creeper.”
Here are few more butchered words where a graphic couldn’t quite do them justice…
Victoria said:
“My daughter learned to call pants britches by a very country relative…she of course pronounced it bitches, as in, ‘Where are my bitches?’ We no longer refer to them as anything but pants.”
Janene said:
“My friend’s baby would say ‘jackin’ for jacket so when she was too warm she would say ‘jackin off’!”
Tiffany said:
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'”
And my favorite from Nicole:
“My son is obsessed with Toy Story. In the movie Andy calls Hamm ‘Evil Dr. Pork Chop’. My son has all the Toy Story toys and proudly shows off his ‘Evil Dr. Fuck Shop’ whenever anybody comes over.”
Please tell me your tales of butchered words below! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to indulge in some good old fashioned Orville Redenbacher Cop Porn.
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My son used to mispronounce chocolate milk… he called it “choc-shit milk”. He also couldn’t roll his tongue with the letter r… so one day he was showing his Thomas and Friends trains to another little boy and told him “I love Percy. Percy is my favorite”… it sounded more like “I love Pussy. Pussy is my favorite.” When I heard this I spit out my coffee and had to hide my face behind a magazine so the boys couldn’t see my face. I was mortified and trying not to laugh at the same time.
When my son was into trains, his younger sister would play too. For weeks (maybe months?), she kept saying, “Where is my pussy (Percy)?” It was not funny. We couldn’t even go to the library, where they had a train table.
helicockter=helicopter
Tit cock=tick tock
Nuk=milk
Alligator=elevator
Frigelator=refrigerator
Wegos=Legos
I nove you and I Nike you (l’s are hard!)
The list goes on and I get sad when he starts saying words correctly. It’s so darn funny!
We are getting our three year old amped up for our first family beach vacation so we have been explaining the bunk beds that she will be sleeping. She now excitedly tells people she will be sleeping in the “bunkers” on vacation! Crap…
Dildo = armadillo. Goodnight gorilla is a favorite in our house
My almost two year old calls elevators “alligators” and shrieks when the door opens as if he expects a green chin-up alligator to be inside.
When my neice was about two we were in the car an she kept saying “dads a asshole” my SIL and I couldn’t figure out what she was sayin but it was “deliciosos” that she learned from Dora!! Sooo funny!
My friend’s kid used to replace ‘tr’ with ‘f’
I took him out on my Dad’s farm one day and as we drove away he said “hey Kellie, we can’t see the f (tr)uck anymore!”
My Grandfather who was with us nearly had a heart attack until I said “yes Ben, we can’t see the TRuck anymore!”
My 2 year old son loves coconut and we buy the dried coconut chunks from Costco. Whenever he sees them at the store he screams: “mommy, I want to sack cocunt!” Translation: I want to snack on coconut!
My 2½ year old daughter has difficulty with hard consonants … Castle is our favorite word at the moment because the way she says it, it comes out “asshole”. “Mom, look at her big asshole!”
Sometimes when my husband is playing with my son the “Nibble Monster” makes an appearance, or “Nipple Monster”, as my son calls him.
Driving in the car one day my 3 year old started yelling, “I want the ass beater! Give me the ass beater!” I finally realized he had dropped his toy jet plane the “air speeder.” He also used to call bungee cords with the hooks “hookers”. When visiting his grandfather he would always say, “Pop-pop can I play with your hookers? I really want your hookers.”
My son has had some good ones over the years. He still to this day (he will be 6 in June) says “Ambliance” (ambulance) and, my favorite, “Rediclious” (ridiculous).
Just about 2 months ago, he said he wanted “Tuna Peanut Butter.” We could not for the life of us figure out what we wanted and he got so upset, then it hit me…. Nutella! 🙂
My daughter (just turned three) calls sunscreen “sun cream”. And she replaces certain words’ first letters with “com” randomly; like someone mentioned earlier, she changes TV channels with the “commote”, wants to have a “comnola bar” for a snack (granola bar lol), and the best is when she wants to look outside through daddy’s “comnoculars” (binoculars lol!!)
My 3 year old, was brought to my work today, by my mother, at lunch time… (I work at a financial institution) She announced very loudly, in an echoy lobby, with a large group of lunch customers around.. “We brought you Ass Cream Mommy” “I have chocolate ass cream, and you have vanilla…”
Thanks kid…
When my grandson was three, he watched his great grandmother take off her makeup with baby oil. He asked her why she was being a grease eye, so of course we had to tell him about the grease eye’d Granny song. For a few years, he called her Grease Eye Granny.
My 4yr old loves the piano and tells people sheis going to be a penis when she gets older. The best penis EVER!
My daughter recently asked where some of her toys came from. We explained that the Easter Bunny brought them. Without missing a beat, she very excitedly asked “The Easy Bunny?!” She will never live that down.
My son would say “nogle bar” for granola bar! So cute! He also calls chilli “jumpin’ beans”!!
When I was little I used to call Kentucky Fried Chicken: Fucky Fried Chicken.
And salmon sandwiches were sam sams. I actually remember being really confused about the word sandwich, because there was never sand in them!
My eldest, who used to love to watch Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (with mommy fast-forwarding through a few parts): instead of the Grim Reaper, his favorite character was “The Granny Raper.”
My daughter’s friend came for a sleep over one night and asked if I could put on Hello Titty. (I promptly texted my friend and told her, I don’t know what you watch in your house but Hello Titty was not one I would show in mine 😉 )
Needless to say, they were both Hello Kitty fans.
When I took my son food shopping, he’d say we were going to the grosher-raisin store. Made me sad when he stopped saying it, so my husband and I still go buy grosher-rasisins.
Tonight my daughter said, “daddy do you have a vagina?” My husband said no and she said, “You have peanuts (penis).” Pause to think… “Can you eat it?” I about died with laughter
My brother had trouble with s and would replace it with other letters. So we got lellow instead of yellow. And dister instead of sister.
And my sister always called Tinky Winky (Teletubbies), Winky Winky instead.
And a guy i know, his daughter messes up Frog and says Fuck instead.
pigoh for pillow, pampakes, Hungary for hungry. She used to say I’m Hungary and I would say I’m Poland. She was Not amused but we laughed.
My son refers to chicken as “cock” (I think because someone told him ‘cock-a-doodle-doo?’) and for a while, eggs were just balls. It all came together beautifully in the waiting room at the doctor’s office while reading a farm animal book when he turned the page and loudly exclaimed, “COCK! BALLS!”
Also, not dirty, but he calls muffins “mutton.” One day I’ll make mutton as he so frequently requests and he will be so disappointed.
my 5 yr old daughter says “domination” for dalmatian. she went to pre-k and told her teacher when she moves to Florida she is getting a domination.
My first son: instead of waffles they were faffles, tickle was lickle, Food City (a store) was Bood City,
My daughter: instead of Ford truck it was Fowd Fuck, Spooky was Smooky
My youngest son: tickle tickle was tucka tucka, My neighbor Malinda has been been Balimba, and yesterday it was dilemma.
That’s all I can remember at 730 in the morning 🙂
My son’s first grade teacher is Mrs. Fuchs (fooks, like books), but we’re talking about a bunch of first graders who have learned to sound words out. I was there almost every day at the beginning of the year helping with classroom stuff and while the Mrs. Fuches (just like it’s spelled) were funny, the Mrs. Fucks were hilarious. I’m surprised I don’t have some nasal issue from holding snorts in. She finally encouraged them to call her Mrs. F.
My child likes peckeroni on her pizza…
My older sister used to say doodaids instead of bandaids. We still say it now and confuse people.
My 4 yr old says “Moo-k” instead of Milk, but it makes sense! She asked my husband last night if he needed a new “shaver” since he had whiskers. And when she complained about a scratch on her arm “It sores really bad”. I love their logic!
Not dirty, just a little dyslexic….Grasshopper=Hosgrapper. My sister couldn’t determine tomatoes from potatoes, both were tapatoes. I’m 45 and still have to stop and think about the correct way to say asparagus. My dad always–and still does–called it “Spagarius”.
Our 5 year old refers to Geography as Jewography.
My daughter used to say “fourth head” instead of forehead. I couldn’t correct it!!
Raisins= Ray zees, coat= coke, book= boop. But I think my daughter’s worst offense is chalk= cock; outside time just sounds so dirty when she wants to play with cock.
my daughter was trying to say she had an “owie hoo-ha” but “I’ve got an owie hoo-ha” came out sounding like “goddamn owie hoo-ha”. Over and over and over.
My little bro always called his blanket a “Wubbie” whatever that means lol. And to say “I love you” he said “eye-ah-sin” and rub noses. Maybe some weird past life language of his lol. Either way it was cute.
Also, piss-ghetti is still used in replacement of spaghetti in our household.
my son still ( 8 years) say printzles instead of pretzles and he called me momp instead of mom and some how m & m’s turned into plemmons … just a few i can think of lol
We had a great dog that we named Baxter. My niece, who was 4 years old at the time called him Bastard!
When my oldest was two he called a dishwasher a “douche waffle”.
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My oldest son would say clackers for crackers, and doe doe beel for snowmobile. My middle son would always call me meema instead of mommy. Hamburgers are bamboogers, helicopter is dobbi dopter, milk is muck, please is freeze, trees are freeze, eea udda is peanut butter, oyit ape a is toilet paper, owl is towel, I turdsy for I’m thursty, I huhwee for I’m hungry…I think we need speech! Some of them are too dang cute to correct, others are like he’s speaking greek! 🙂
My son would say izz-a-sour for dinosaur and he once told his grandma that his daddy had piss-appeared.
My older son would call buses a Gee-bus. And he once told me he had a cornflake in his hair, meaning a cow lick. And he had a raccoon on his foot, a verruca
Peanuts is pronounced without the T
My son and his classmates all say firetruck without the iretr part