Kids mispronouncing words is the gift that keeps on giving. Last time we did this, Mazzy was saying “salmons” instead of “almonds” and I was neglecting to correct her because it was TOO DAMN CUTE (check out Totally Butchered Words Part One and Part Two).
Now she’s got that straightened out but she’s saying “constructions” instead of “instructions”. I like to think she’s butchering words at an advanced preschooler level. She’s a genius! Obviously.
My absolute favorite butchered word shows up a lot on Mazzy’s pinterest board. “Sprinklers” instead of “sprinkles”. As in, “I want rainbow sprinklers on my ass ream!”
Below are 21 more words butchered by toddlers, pictured against the words they represent. These are all real mispronounciations submitted by my readers, presumably words their kids say wrong and not words they are messing up themselves. Although, who knows.
Be warned— there are some curse words in very large type. If you’ve got a child who can read or a boss who’s a dick, you might want to make sure they’re not standing behind you.
Just in case you think the women/lemon mistake is cute and innocent, here’s what Kerri had to say about that…
“My son swaps his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’ He sounds like a total creeper.”
Here are few more butchered words where a graphic couldn’t quite do them justice…
Victoria said:
“My daughter learned to call pants britches by a very country relative…she of course pronounced it bitches, as in, ‘Where are my bitches?’ We no longer refer to them as anything but pants.”
Janene said:
“My friend’s baby would say ‘jackin’ for jacket so when she was too warm she would say ‘jackin off’!”
Tiffany said:
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'”
And my favorite from Nicole:
“My son is obsessed with Toy Story. In the movie Andy calls Hamm ‘Evil Dr. Pork Chop’. My son has all the Toy Story toys and proudly shows off his ‘Evil Dr. Fuck Shop’ whenever anybody comes over.”
Please tell me your tales of butchered words below! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to indulge in some good old fashioned Orville Redenbacher Cop Porn.
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ok – here’s 2 compliments of my son. When he was 5 he got interested in body parts. My favorite mispronunciations were:
“nipples” became “nickles” and
“penis” sounded more like “peanuts”
loved those!
My kids both did the “Star Whores” thing. My husband is a huge Star Wars fan and he was so appalled! My favorite was my daughter’s pronunciation of “pink”. She used to say it “pank”. She sounded like a southerner.
My husband’s “Kitty Gram” has become my son’s “Titty Gram”
My mother in law taught our 2.5 year old the Where is Thumbkin song. Now she yells Thumbkin Mommy – Daddy only it sounds like “Fuckin Mommy – Daddy” the best is when she yelled it at my mom to sing during dinner. Tea came out her nose she laughed so hard. We have the video for posterity of course.
My daughter still says yogrit instead of yogurt because I think it is too cute to correct her.
My son was 3 when my daughter was born. She had very goopy eyes, and we had to use cotton balls to clean them off before putting medicine on them. My son was very helpful and would always, without fail, call them “cock and balls”. We could get him to say it whenever we wanted just to amuse ourselves and anyone else around.
My 30 year old hubby still says yogrit. He had speech problems as a kid and it occasionally shows up.
My 2-year-old grandson calls yoghurt “Oh God”!
My son calls his blanket “Nakey” .
Look mommy there’s a HELCOCKER! (Helicopter)
My daughter said this too. Helicocker. 🙂
My 3 year old daughter has trouble with S’s before hard consonants, so instead of a spoon she says poon…comes out sounding pretty hilarious/appalling depending on the sentence.
At our house my daughter has been demanding “seapit” (syrup) on her “wufoos” (waffles).
Hilarious! My toddler says cock instead of clock, cockporn instead of popcorn and omelette instead of elephant. Too cute!
Our daughter is almost 4 and the best one yet was about a month ago when she attempted to repeat “absolutely ridiculous” right after I had said it to her father. In toddler speak it sounds like “apps-a-loopsy dick-less”. Of course we laughed, so now she says it all the time just to be funny. And it is, every single time.
Oh my god I’m literally going to the bathroom immediately after typing this. I’m dying over here.
“My 3 1/2 year old twins both say hungry as ‘horny’ so at mealtime they scream ‘I’m horny!'” <-- Funniest shit ever.
Nerdels! Hahahahaha
My oldest called juice “douche” for the longest time. “Mmmmm! Douche!” Then there was “crappucino” instead of frappucino.
My daughter did the same thing when she was 3 (cotton balls part)! I can’t wait for the day when I can tell her. 🙂
My nephew used to fuck his thumb, and my son changes tv channels with the commote.
Literally just wet the bed!
My daughter caked the remote a morote,
My daughter called Peacocks “cock cocks” forever!!! And she would say ridiculous as “dickless”!!!
My oldest used to say re-dickless for ridiculous. She would also ask me where her ‘baby soup’ was when we were headed to the pool. My two year old can get her shoes off, but always needs help with her ‘cocks off’.
“aaww shit” equals “sausage”
We were stuck on the highway in city traffic and my daughter was calling out every truck that went by… “look at the cock! oh…more big cock!” We were dying of laughter.
Those little blue fruits are “blue buddies”. – Duke
You know those little monsters that live under bridges? You konw,
controls”? – Bert
My oldest use to steal the chairs in the kitchen to climb on everything so we had to attach the chairs to the center of the table with a bungee cord. (It is an old 50’s style table with a center support.)
When he would get the bungee cord he would proudly proclaim “That is my favorite hooker!” lol
My five year old also calls nipples nickles LOL
My 5 year said he played “great wall of gagina” in PE. Now gagina was how he said vagina. So I was startled at first. Before realizng it was Great Wall of China not the great wall of vagina. We were driving and I hear “mom that cunt way tinky” What? Then I smelled it. Dead skunk is way stinky. This child still mangles the english language but strangely says spanish words beautifully. He has a speech delay and disorder. He is making progress. I kind of miss some of his special words.
My son was a total thomas fan and would call percy pussy. And it anyone was wearing a green shirt her would yell them they were like pussy
My nephew says “That was a really good blow job” after blowing his nose. I laughed so hard I cried the first time I heard it.
OMG! I’m dying! BAHAHAH
LOL
My 4 y/o is a 2nd generation sayer of “Girl Cheese” instead of grilled cheese
My 2 year old says “titties” instead of “kitties”. So when she wants to see the Aristocats, she asks for the Titties Movie.
The “tr” sound never comes out right. Fee (tree) fain (train)… And one day at a park: “look! It’s a boo f*ck just like papas!” (Truck)
My 3-year old has a slight lisp. When she sings Ring Around the Rose, she sings (very loudly) “Asses, asses, we all fall down”!
Our daughter one day when fed up with her older brothers shouted “Silly-ass-ly?” Instead of seriously. We all use it now.
I don’t have any funny ones but he has many cute ones. Hungy = Hungry , Lullart-lizard and my favorite one: he is convinced that our leaf blower is called a LIPUP, he just keeps pointing at it and saying LIPUP LIPUP, too adorable
My daughter pronounces Pistachios as “pu-tup-tash”, peanut butter is “penis bunner” and smoothies are smoove-me’s 🙂
My five year old always calls a hospital a hostabowl, it sounds cute so that is how I say it when he is sick, my husband tries to correct him but sometimes some of the words coming out of his mouth are so hilarious we can not help but crack up and make him say them over and over. He says nickles for nipples and says that if we are going shopping he wants to push the shart. It is too much.
My daughter said “hostabowl” too! When she was about 4, I sat down with her and had her repeat after me “Hosp” “Hosp” “Spit” “spit” “Tull” “Tull”. Ok, then it was “hospit” “hospit” “spittle” “spittle”. Ok great, she had it! “Ok now, hos-spit-tull” “hoss-ta-bowl”. I was like OMG seriously? Then she looked at me, grinned a little and giggled. The little devil >:)
My son can’t say his “f’s” which works out in some cases, but not when he’s trying to say fish. at the Bass pro shop he was watching the fish tank and said, “look mom a grumpy bitch!”
My 3 year old has a hard time with his R’s. One evening, while eating dinner he says, “Where’s my fuck?” Tried to help him out by slowly saying fork and the more he slowed it down the more it sounded like fuck!! Died laughing every time!!
My 2yo has lots but recently stumped me by following me around saying “watch hump stores!” Finally realized he meant hamsters, as in that car commercial.. Lol
My daughter like to take her Eeyore stuffed animal everywhere. Except, of course, she calls it “e-whore”. As in, “Mommy, where is my e-whore?” cracks me up every time.
This summer we took my 2 year-old-daughter camping and my dad gave her a flashlight. You know, her “ass wipe.”
Omg lmao that’s hilarious!!!!
My 3 year old son says “bitches” for benches and chalk sounds way too much like “cock” to not be funny!
My youngest son wanted a brown hooker for Christmas. It took me two weeks to figure out it was the tow truck Mater from Cars.
We have a lot of birch trees here…. you know where this is going my oldest son called them bitch trees
My daughter called milk ‘cock’ for the longest time. I think she was trying to say ‘cup of milk’. So out to eat or just anywhere in public she would be yelling for ‘cock pease’
My friends kid calls “pop corn” “cock porn”…
My 2.5 year old daughter says peanuts for penis and screw popper for screw driver. It’s pretty funny when she asks her father if he has a penis!
My baby turned one yesterday, and started talking VERY early. At about 9/10 months, she became obsessed with clocks and the sound they make (“tick tock!”). The only problem is that she left out the ‘L’ in clock. We were in the grocery store and a sweet elderly came up to say hi. Hazel pointed at her face, looked her in the dead in the eye and yelled, “COCK! COCK!” I couldn’t get her to stop.
Ha – My twins did the same when they were little. My husband left bungee cords outside. I asked the boys what they were doing and they said, “Playing with Daddy’s hookers!”
I was looking at this, laughing, when my 4 yr old daughter walked in…and pronounced at least 1/2 of them exactly like they were typed here…and she isn’t reading yet! LOL
Around our house lobsters were “hampsters” for awhile. My oldest was convinced that when you played policeman you put the bad guys in “handcups.” And for all the Star Wars fans out there, R2-D2 became “Artie Dootie” which we all found hilarious! Thanks for the giggle!
I have a few good ones. My daughter drops the “L” in Pluto and calls him a Puto, which, in Spanish isnt the best thing to call someone.
Also, Alice in Wonderland is her favorite movie, and in it, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum say “That’s Logic!”. Well, when my daughter says it, it sounds like “That’s La-Shit”.
My 3 year old calls penises peanuts too! Also she used to say “pussy” for Percy the Train from “Thomas & Friends”
When my daughter was 2 we were at the park and she kept pointing to something I couldn’t see and yelling at the top of her lungs “Look, mom, they’re having SEX”. I was mortified and shushing her until I realized there were some kids having SNACKS. Thank god! Went well with her little buddy that called fruit snacks fruit cocks.
My son had a problem with the TR sound and used FR instead. This of course led to Fruck for Truck. We started calling them pickups!!
My Nephew William who is now 9 used to switch his Cs and Ds and often referred to birthday cake as “Happy Cake” which came out as “Happy Dick!” We would all laugh whenever he said it so he would go on to say “I want a piece of Happy Dick!” and “Can I please have more Dick mom?” HAHA!!
My son loved vehicles when he was little. Trucks, cars, ambulances, etc. He didn’t like trains. However any time he saw any type of truck he would yell FUCK. Fire Fuck and read my fuck book were my favorites as he would many times say them in public.
My daughter does the penis-peanut thing and my favorite of hers is she pronounces snake as sneak. Puts a whole new meaning on Adam and Eve.
my son (2 1/2) used to pronounce trucks as gucks, but, of course, as he’s progressed with pronouncing his “tr” sounds, it’s turned into fuck. It’s particularly awkward in restaurants, or when we’re walking, because he’s constantly saying “WHOA! BIG FUCK!”.
Our babysitter introduced our son to McDonalds and all they have to offer. He used to beg us to go to Donald’s for a Milk Shack.
My daughter couldn’t say Xs so she called one of her favorite toys, a fox, a fuck. As in, “where’s my fuck.” “My fuck is dirty.” We have it on video and it’s hilarious. I keep her fox and sheep on her chair. At first she also called her sheep her shit. So, I often heard “where’s fuck and shit?” Now she has those light up shoes and, you guessed it, has some troubles with the words. She tries to call them her “sparkle shoes” but some how it comes out “fuck you shoes.” My mom didn’t believe me until I got my daughter to say it, grandma couldn’t stop busting up.
Every pre schooler/toddle should be taught the word “Britches” hehehe. I started to call my son “Bossy Britches” and well, you know where that went 🙂 other botched words are:
Fag-Flag
Bitch-Grinch
oat-me-meal-oatmeal
Yoyo-yogurt
Ohhh…so many! My 2-1/2 year old is still having trouble pronouncing things correctly. He inadvertently cusses all the time, and we find it so funny that we will ask him to say things in front of people to make them laugh. Some of the funniest are:
– At one time, he couldn’t say ‘castle’ correctly – it would come out sounding like ‘asshole.’ He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and there’s one episode with Pete where he lives in a castle or something, and our son would say “Pete’s asshole”…one time, he said something about a stick in Pete’s asshole and we about DIED.
– One night in the bath, he kept standing up and turning his butt towards me and saying, “Stick in butt!!” and laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. It actually had me concerned for a moment that something had happened to his butt, so I kept asking him, “Stick is in your butt?” and he was like, “NO! Sticken butt!” Took me a few minutes to realize that he was yelling, “Chicken butt!” He had learned it from an older boy at daycare and thought it was so funny!
– For a long time he couldn’t make an ‘f’ sound – THANKFULLY (Once he overheard me say, “Oh fuck” in the car and he kept repeating, “Oh huck! Oh huck!”). When he would say ‘four’ or ‘floor’ it would always come out sounding like ‘whore’….we’d ask him where something was and he’d say, “On the whore!”
– Now, he can make his ‘f’ sound clearly, but has issues with conjoined letters like ‘tr’…so when he says ‘train’ it comes out like ‘frain’. When he says ‘dump truck’ it sounds almost EXACTLY like he’s calling it a “dumb fuck” (although he says it like “dum fruck”)
Those are just the ones I can think of right now, but there have been MANY instances where I’ve had to explain what he’s said to people around us because it sounds like my kid has a mouth like a sailor! Ha ha!
Ha! Sounds like my son!!!
What is it with these boys – mine does the same thing! lol
My 3yo, (then 2yo) used to say “firefuck” instead of “firetruck”…then it escalated to saying “big big fuck, and big firefuck…”….I refused to leave the house for weeks lol
Both my oldest boys said “fwuck” for truck… Hilarious. But the younger one’s best was “Mama, look dum fwuck, dum fwuck!!!!” It was great anytime we passed a construction site for him to see all the dump trucks and we would laugh until there were tears streaming down our faces!!
My 2-yr-old daughter takes baths with her 4-yr-old brother and refers to her vagina as her “pagina”. One time she was playing with her brother’s little Batman figurine in the car. I heard her saying, “Here’s Batman’s penis. Here’s his tushy. This is Batman’s pagina.”
My son for a long time called pajamas “chabamas”. And hamburger was “hang-uh-booger”.
My daughter called chocolate ‘cock sauce’ for a while. You can’t make that shit up.
My daughter (2 next week) was JUST getting the hang of talking a month or so ago and her “language boom” led to a very loud and proud announcement in Wegmans that she would like to take off her “COCK” (sock) and I just about fell over.
My granddaughter when she was about 3 she saw a bag of cotton balls in the bathroom. The next thing I know she is telling me they are yucky marshmallows. I put them way up out of her reach after that
My three year old son also calls popcorn “cop porn” ! Makes us laugh every.single.time. He also calls his temporary tattoos, “taptoos”.
My daughter is 3.5. We go to Krafty kids class at the YMCA which is followed by Spanish class… She asks mom can we stay for Spanish? But it comes out Peeanis
My son calls a trampoline a tangerine, which I just can’t correct because it is so cute. Since he was little he also called the dog’s poop in the backyard “stinky beagles”. We have NEVER figured out where he got that from but continue saying it to this day!
We made the mistake of calling my son’s pants “knickers” in front of him. He repeated that word in public… thankfully no one heard him besides us, lest we be looked at as raising a little racist.
my daughter calls chicken “chit” but it sounds like “shit”. when I tell her to eat her chicken, she parrots back ” eat chit.” I just hold my breath and pretend like nothing happened lol
My sons blanket is proudly known as “wanky!!” Just wait till he turns 18 in 15 yrs time…he he he!!!
My favorite from my kids days of silly sounding words was my daughters mispronounciation of chocolate, cotchet. Also we had, fuck-it for rib-bit (imagine, fuck-it, fuck-it, I’m a fog),or I’m a shit (ship) toot-toot, lol. My kids learned to annuciate really early so we didn’t correct them often, just too cute to hear the mistakes!!
Our kids both say yogrit and we haven’t tried to stop them either. Earlier on they would call it yo yo, that one still slips out too
@Laney, This is entirely too cute.
My 16 month old son is learning to talk, and he loves our cat. He proudly (and loudly) yells “HELLO TITTY!!!” every time he sees her.
Poor titty.
Hahaha! This one has to make the next edition.
I’m 12 years older than my youngest brother. He used to make “t” sounds instead of “k” sounds. I clearly remember one day he kept running around saying “I want to pet sissy’s kitty!” & my mom & I yelling “just say cat! Just say CAT!!!”
My nieces and nephew were playing follow the leader and chanting “Marching through the castle” but my nephew couldn’t pronounce the “c” or “t” so instead was chanting “Marching through the ass hole!”
LMAO. And when you finally figured it out im guessing it went something like: Ooooooooohhhhhh
My 4 year old calls them “Nibbles” but in reference to bottles.
My two year old calls her pacifier her fuck face! My son used to call backhoes assholes. And of course for both of them clock and fork are cock and fuck
Po-fweeler instead of Four Wheeler.
I had a friend whose husband was a firefighter. She wanted her son to say something along the lines of “my daddy is a firefighter who rides on a big firetruck”. Evidentially too hard so he shortened it to “My daddy is a big firefucker”.I don’t think Dad was amused!
my four year old daughter refers to tampons as coupons….so now when we pass them in the store she always asks me if I need more coupons. I had my niece for the summer and every night she would ask if she could ‘sweep’ with me.
My daughters most popular misspoken words, Blog style http://www.whykidsaregreat.blogspot.com/2013/07/misspoken.html
My favorite was when my son referred to applesauce as “ass-o-sauce.” Other great ones include “pamcakes” for pancakes, “vampirates” for vampires, “baby sister” for baby sitter, and “bow narrow” for bow and arrow.
My younger daughter’s name is Charlotte. One of her friends, who had a hard time pronouncing her name, called her Char-shit. Which my older daughter promptly picked up on.
My daughter says, “Cover me up with my comfortable please” instead of comforter
My friend’s husband took her to the store and gor her a snack one afternoon.A few days later her and her mom were in the grocery store and she is trying to tell her mom that she wanted the snack her Daddy got her.After a few frustrating moments the little girl yells out “I want VAGINA sausages!!!”(vienna sausages)”….She just turned and left the store !!
When they were small, my kids said: moose terd (mustard), checkup (ketchup), yougrit (yogurt), mook (milk), choose (shoes)
My children both had/have difficulty enunciating their R’s… which we always thought was adorable as they sounded like they were from Boston (no offence Bostonians:)) .. Caa (car), etc.. eventually a teacher pointed out that she was having difficulty understanding my son’s dialect so we consulted a speech therapist, no more cute words… bummer!
A conversation I had with my daughter shortly after she turned 2-
daughter: I want go to hospital.
me: You’re not sick, you don’t need to go to the hospital.
daughter: I want go to hospital to see ‘abmu-lions’. And other animals too.
She was pretty disappointed to discover ambulances were not special lions and there were no animals at the hospital, but continued to mis-pronounce them for the majority of her 2nd year!
Holy hell that’s a lot of comments!!
My 2 at the time, (now 3) year old says “camel milk” instead of cantaloupe.
“Mmm, mumma I really love this camel milk”. Gross
She’s also loves a good “apple-cock”
While food shopping “oh my goodness look at those small apple-cocks!!” – pointing at the APRICOTS.
My 3 1/2 year old has always called Bananas ‘Bings” and now he calls Gatoraid “Aliraid” as in Aligatoraid. Its too cute to correct so now thats what we call it.
“Aminal” and “Pasghetti.” They’re the only two words she still butchers on a regular basis. She even knows how to say “strawberries” now, although she still calls them “strawbabies,” either for my benefit or just out of habit. But “aminals” and “pasghetti” remain and both are completely adorable. As her pediatrician said when she was telling him about her “aminal” friends, “Never correct that.”
For years my daughter said “Seeping Boobie” in reference to Sleeping Beauty. It was adorable and funny.
LOL. Ours looks out the window, points, and yells, “HOT DOCTOR!” (Also helicoptor, lol)
My middle child once dropped his fork in a restaurant and started hollering, “Where’s my fuck?! I need a fuck!”
My middle kid (4 1/2) recently asked my husband if there was a pot-a-pooper (port-a-potty) that he could use.
My 3 1/2 year old says pick-ups instead of hiccups. He also asks me to transform (fast forward) the tv whenever a commercial comes on.
Emily did that too yesterday!!
She has also been told to not stick a f**k(fork) in the “ow-wet”(outlet), she likes going to the “ogegga”(orchestra) to hear “assical”(classical), and she has a “Pussy(Percy) train likes her cousin Nafan(Nathan).
Also, my sister-in-law’s kids all say “fruck” instead of fire truck.and they will yell it in the store when they see one, but they drop the R most of tthe time.