It's Father's Day on Sunday and for some reason, I cannot shut up about it. Today I am guest posting for the lovely Shell over at Things I Can't Say for her Best Friend Feature. I'm talking aboutโ€” what else? My husband, Mike. Except instead of my usual nonsense, I'm switching things up and giving him a proper show of appreciation. Mikeโ€” if you're reading this (and I know you are) please visit. 

Picture 31 Next I'm announcing the winners of the "Draperize Your Husband for Father's Day" giveaway. I was going to post it along with a vote-off for "the least sexy item of clothing found in your husband's closet" but I've got a ton of work to do for my real job and it just occured to me that the vote-off really should be accompanied by an illustration that I don't have time to illustrate…


In the interest of not half-assing things, I'm going to save the vote-off for next week and just announce the giveaway winners. Cool? OK.

The Michael Andrews Bespoke Custom Shirt goes to… Abby!

The Michael Andrews Bespoke Tie goes to… Marie!

Congratulations! Please shoot me an email ( to claim your prize. And pray for the rest of our husbands in their mandals and pleated pants.

Now, I'd like to give Mike a little Father's Day tribute.

It's not every man that would let himself be abused by his wife publicly. But good or bad, Mike loves when my posts are centered around him. Did you know that Mike reads Mommy Shorts every single day? Which is really just about the best gift any husband of mine could give.


1) Fatherhood 101 (including techniques for winning at "Baby Monitor Chicken")  

2) Toddler Fight Club (video of Mike's stellar parenting in action)

3) The Joy of the Airport Pick-Up (a breakdown of the highs and lows of important life events)

4) How to Work A Breakfast Buffet (an actual conversation)  

5) B is for Bloody (how Mike almost killed me by neglecting to babyproof)  

6) Diagnosis: Mommy Brain (Mike helps me find my keys by looking in my hand)  

7) The Importance of Boo (Mike saves Mazzy's blankie from a river of puke) & Death of a Blankie (Mike convinces Mazzy to accept "Imposter Boo")

8) Traveling the Only Way My Husband Knows Howโ€” On Schedule (our trip to DC in real time)  

9) If Daddy Can Put The Baby Down for a Nap, what else can he do? (self-explanatory)  

10) Parenthood Isn't Sexy (a shit splattering tale)

And lastly, Mazzy and I made a Father's Day video card (with requisite monkey). Mazzy loves her daddy more than anything so shooting this was easy as PIE.

Happy Father's Day from Ilana W on Vimeo.

All I have to do is print out "The Scandalous Father's Day Coupon Book" and my Father's Day gift will be complete!

Have a great Sunday and if your husband doesn't like his gift, tell him to watch the kids while you spend the day looking for a new one.

โ€” Mommy Shorts

PS: Happy Father's Day to all the dads who read Mommy Shorts. You're a quiet bunch but I know you're there.