When my husband travels, he is the epitome of Type-A. There is always a well-thought out schedule and anything that deviates is a PROBLEM. However, since we now have a baby, I think Mike has to get used to the fact that there's somebody who could care less if we stick to the plan. Mike begs to differ— he says the plan becomes that much more important. This past weekend's road trip to DC was the perfect case study.
THE PLAN: Mike wants us out the door at 1:30pm. This is not an arbitrary thing. This is because we will miss any sort of lunchtime or rush hour traffic getting out of the city, because the baby naps at around 2pm, and because it will get us into DC at around 6:30pm which will be just in time for dinner. As I said, Mike thinks these things through. Note— Mike really wants to leave at 2pm. He always tells me a half hour earlier because, well, he knows me.
THE EXECUTION: We are dressed, packed and ready to go at 1:30pm when Mike brings the car around. Then Mike asks if I packed something for myself to eat for lunch. Nope. I need a sandwich and go to the deli across the street. There is a line. This means we don't leave till 2pm. He is always right. It is infuriating.
THE TRIP BROKEN DOWN IN MIKE FASHION:
1:30pm: We're ready
1:35: Sandwich detour debacle
2:00: Actual departure
2:20: My suspicion that the baby hates tunnels is confirmed by our less than pleasant ride thru the Holland Tunnel
2:25: Baby goes down for nap upon entry into New Jersey (the girl is a true New Yorker)
2:30: I fall asleep (my signature travel style)
3:07: Baby wakes up
3:07:01: I wake in a panic, quickly reach around to readminster pacifier and adjust blankie
3:12: Baby back down
3:18: I wolf down sandwich from aforementioned deli debacle
3:30: I fall back asleep
4:30: I wake up, realize the baby is still sleeping and foolishly utter the words, "How long has the baby been sleeping?"
4:30:05: Baby wakes up, begins to cry
4:32: I make switch to backseat which involves removal of coat, rearrangment of numerous bags, and a squashed banana
4:33-5:00: Feed baby (food and bottle is prepped and ready thank god because the baby freaks as soon as she sees them)
5:00: Commence Project: DISTRACT THE BABY WITH SONG, which is made more difficult by the baby's second…
5:05: Tunnel Freak Out
5:10: Make several attempts to stop the baby from crying but cannot seem to shake the impact of the Tunnel Freak Out. Especially since I can't pick her up. Ask husband to pull-over to change diaper.
5:10:01: Husband informs me that we are stuck in traffic and it might be a while before we can pull over.
5:10:20: Where is Thumbkin? Where is Thumbkin? Here I am! Here I am!
5:12: The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout…
5:15: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb…
5:18: The more we get together together together, The more we (OH NO)
5:20: Are we close to a rest stop yet? (ME) Can't you see we are not moving? (HIM)
5:21: Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed…
5:27-5:40: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands… (I have a really long version which involves snapping, nose touching, belly rubbing, knee slapping— it's really very impressive)
5:40: If you're happy and you know it pull your ear— The traffic is moving again, do you still need to stop? (That's from my husband). I look at the baby, she seems ok. I think we're good— POWER THROUGH.
5:41-6:30: POWERING THROUGH
6:30: Arrival at destination.
Exactly as Mike planned. Which is great. And also— infuriating.
Editor's Note: If only the ride home went as smoothly.