Dedicated to Brian*


This post was prompted by The Red Writing Hood. The assignment was to write a post entirely in dialogue. And since I am currently on a tropical island vacation, my original thought was to write a fictional phone conversation between myself and my one-year-old daughter. It would have gone something like this:

Mazzy: Hello, Mom?


Mazzy: Mom??


Mazzy: MOM!!!!

Me: Oh, sorry sweetie. I couldn't hear you over the sound of the ice clinking in my complimentary rum punch cocktail…

But then my husband and I had breakfast at the hotel this morning and it occurred to me that our NON-fictional conversation while perusing the hotel breakfast buffet would be more of a window into our actual life…

Mike: Alright, I just ordered my omlette. What are you doing?

Me: Getting french toast.

Mike: Rookie mistake.

Me: Why?

Mike: The first thing you hit up at a breakfast buffet is always the omlette station. You have to get them started on your eggs before a line forms. Then you can use your waiting time to check out the rest of the buffet.

Me: What if I don't want an omlette?

Mike: You do. You'll figure that out as soon as you taste your french toast.

Me: But I LOVE french toast.

Mike: You love MADE-TO-ORDER french toast. This is french toast served from a chafing dish. It's gonna be soggy and cold.

I touch the limp piece of french toast on my plate. It is indeed soggy and cold.

Me: *sigh*

Mike: If you get an omelette first, you can eat it while you keep one eye on the kitchen to see if anyone brings out a fresh tray. Swoop in then.

Me: But by that point, I'll be too full from my omlette to want french toast.

Mike: Normal rules of fullness do not apply at a hotel breakfast buffet.

Me: Whatever. Hmmmm…. do I want toast or a croissant?

Mike: If you want toast, you better stick that bread in NOW. Those toasters move SLOW.

Me: Maybe I want a muffin. Or some sort of pastry…

Mike: Pastries and muffins should be treated like dessert. Eat them after you've finished your meal. They are not going anywhere.

Me: What about yogurt and granola?

Mike: Save that for five days from now when you are completely sick of all breakfast buffet options and want something borderline healthy.

Me: Alright. I'm gonna get us a bowl of fruit to share while I make a decision.

Mike: Already done.

I look over at the table. There is indeed a bowl of fruit already there.

Me: Who put that there?

Mike: I did.

Me: When?

Mike: I know what I'm doing.

Me: Wow. That is impressive.

Mike: My omlette's ready. See you at the table.

I look at Mike's plate- beautifully fluffy omlette, side of home fries and bacon, perfectly toasted piece of whole wheat. Dollop of butter, dollop of ketchup. I look at my plate with my one soggy piece of french toast.

Me: Ok, but I might be awhile. The omlette line is pretty long.

Mike: You should write a post about this. Call it "How to Work a Breakfast Buffet".

Me: Babe— you already wrote it.

Mike: Can you dedicate it to Brian?

Me: Fine.

* Brian is Mike's best friend from California, self-proclaimed breakfast expert and co-master of the all-you-can-eat buffet.