Dedicated to Brian*
This post was prompted by The Red Writing Hood. The assignment was to write a post entirely in dialogue. And since I am currently on a tropical island vacation, my original thought was to write a fictional phone conversation between myself and my one-year-old daughter. It would have gone something like this:
Mazzy: Hello, Mom?
Me: Oh, sorry sweetie. I couldn't hear you over the sound of the ice clinking in my complimentary rum punch cocktail…
But then my husband and I had breakfast at the hotel this morning and it occurred to me that our NON-fictional conversation while perusing the hotel breakfast buffet would be more of a window into our actual life…
Mike: Alright, I just ordered my omlette. What are you doing?
Me: Getting french toast.
Mike: Rookie mistake.
Mike: The first thing you hit up at a breakfast buffet is always the omlette station. You have to get them started on your eggs before a line forms. Then you can use your waiting time to check out the rest of the buffet.
Me: What if I don't want an omlette?
Mike: You do. You'll figure that out as soon as you taste your french toast.
Me: But I LOVE french toast.
Mike: You love MADE-TO-ORDER french toast. This is french toast served from a chafing dish. It's gonna be soggy and cold.
I touch the limp piece of french toast on my plate. It is indeed soggy and cold.
Mike: If you get an omelette first, you can eat it while you keep one eye on the kitchen to see if anyone brings out a fresh tray. Swoop in then.
Me: But by that point, I'll be too full from my omlette to want french toast.
Mike: Normal rules of fullness do not apply at a hotel breakfast buffet.
Me: Whatever. Hmmmm…. do I want toast or a croissant?
Mike: If you want toast, you better stick that bread in NOW. Those toasters move SLOW.
Me: Maybe I want a muffin. Or some sort of pastry…
Mike: Pastries and muffins should be treated like dessert. Eat them after you've finished your meal. They are not going anywhere.
Me: What about yogurt and granola?
Mike: Save that for five days from now when you are completely sick of all breakfast buffet options and want something borderline healthy.
Me: Alright. I'm gonna get us a bowl of fruit to share while I make a decision.
Mike: Already done.
I look over at the table. There is indeed a bowl of fruit already there.
Me: Who put that there?
Mike: I did.
Mike: I know what I'm doing.
Me: Wow. That is impressive.
Mike: My omlette's ready. See you at the table.
I look at Mike's plate- beautifully fluffy omlette, side of home fries and bacon, perfectly toasted piece of whole wheat. Dollop of butter, dollop of ketchup. I look at my plate with my one soggy piece of french toast.
Me: Ok, but I might be awhile. The omlette line is pretty long.
Mike: You should write a post about this. Call it "How to Work a Breakfast Buffet".
Me: Babe— you already wrote it.
Mike: Can you dedicate it to Brian?
* Brian is Mike's best friend from California, self-proclaimed breakfast expert and co-master of the all-you-can-eat buffet.