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For those of you in the non-blogging world, I'm currently at a conference called BlogHer. For those of you in the blogging world, who are most likely also at BlogHer, please say hello to the sweaty sober woman with the big belly who seems to be constantly casing the expo hall for snacks.

I just ran into Wendi Aarons from The Mouthy Housewives who asked if I was having a contest for my readers to select my unborn baby's name.

Ummmm… no.

I mean, I seriously hope not because the only contest currently happening on Mommy Shorts is "The Worst Baby Name Suggested By Your Idiot Husband" and it would really suck if everybody now expects me to name my child "Pickle Wickham".

Pickle Wickham, a horrific name suggested by Bethany's betrothed, blew away the competition with 23% of the vote.

DesTRoy clearly didn't live up to his name, coming in only second place with 13%.

Congratulations, Bethany! You are now totally justified in keeping your spouse out of all future family-related decisions. Please email me to claim your maternity-safe nail polish set from Knocked Up Nails.

What else happened these past two weeks besides me having a sudden craving for a sour dill?

• Yo Gabba Gabba convinced Calliou to try crystal meth

• Mazzy participated in "Preschool Pack Mentality"

• Mike insulted your favorite baby names

The Giving Tree made us suicidal

• I looked like a whale with cameltoe in the world's worst maternity jeans

• Dr. B said we're doing time-outs all wrong

• We all cleaned shit off the bathroom floor

• My fetus (aka "Winner Wiles") started training for the Olympics 

• I had food posioning in the wilderness

• Whores ate carrots

Monkeys masturbated

and lastly… 

• I probably ruined all chances of finding blog sponsors at BlogHer by putting both whores and masturbation in the post that will be up all throughout the conference.


If you're looking for a good laugh, check out "Top 9 Ways Every Mother Eventually Becomes George Costanza" on NickMom. "#9: After a while, it’s no big deal to grab a snack back from the garbage."

Have a great weekend!

— Mommy Shorts


Picture above taken by my very talented photographer friend, Cynthia Perez.