I have many orders of business today. The first is to wish everyone a great July 4th weekend. If you didn't see my request on the Mommy Shorts Fanpage, I'm making a "July 4th Fan Photo Album" next week. If you want to be included, take a cute/funny/bizarre summer photo of your kid(s) this weekend and send it to me by Wednesday night.
If you're new here and you don't know what the fan photo albums are all about, check these out:
The Mommy Shorts Holiday Album
Please send photos to myshort@mommyshorts.com and write "JULY 4TH" in the subject of your email.
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It's time to announce the winner of "The Unsexiest Male Attire". It should come as no surprise. The winner (by a landslide) is…
Natasha and her husband's hideous pair of self-made manpris!!!
"The Hulk Pants" won with a whopping 34% of the vote. Second place went to Tracey's husband's "hidden elastic fat pants" with 16%. And nothing else even came close.
Here's what Natasha's husband, Matt had to say about his wife's well-deserved victory.
Congratulations, Natasha! Please email me to claim your gift certificate to Metal Pressions.
Note: Natasha is also the current Caption Contest Queen so between the crown and the gift certificate, at this point, she has reaped more rewards from Mommy Shorts than I have.
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Remember the Crumbs Collosal Cupcake giveaway? Well, people received their cupcakes, devoured them like starving animals, and submitted pictures. Check out this bad boy from Shawna…
That's 3 year-old Jack telling his mom to hurry up with the photo-taking because his eyes are about to grow mouths that he cannot control.
Above is Kendra demonstrating that she has an incredibly small head. (Or, that is ONE COLOSSAL CUPCAKE!)
And here's a picture Kendra took of the Cookies 'n Cream Colossal against an awesomely designed backdrop.
Can you guess which photo is my favorite?
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A few weeks ago, I called into question one reader's Father's Day gift of STUNT CAMP. Evin was super excited to throw her husband off a building and light him on fire.
Well, Evin has reported back and says it was indeed the WORST GIFT EVER. Apparently, her husband wasn't even allowed to participate as it turned out to be a stunt camp for KIDS ONLY.
Evin— I know that sounds like a horrible ending but look on on the bright side. YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T DEAD. That's a good thing, right?
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One of my first giveaways was for a baby clothing company called Jaxxwear. One of the winners had a newborn at the time and the jumper she won finally fits. Check out Abigail's 9 month-old daughter Hannah…
Jaxxwear, if you're out there— I think I've got a new clothing model for you. (I take a 10% finder's fee.)
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Next up— Brian, the guy who wrote "The Single Guy's Guide To Being An Awesome Uncle" would like to add one more awesome uncle tip: Give your nephew/neice their first sip of beer.
That's Brian's 8 year-old nephew, Robby taking the edge off the tough task of coloring. If he's not careful, he may follow in the footsteps of his twin brother Danny (top right) who spends most of his days in a drunken stupor.
Well done, Uncle Brian.
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My next contest is gonna be "The Most Insulting Piece of Unsolicited Parenting Advice". If you've got a doozy and you haven't commented yet, please do so here.
And since it makes me sad when there are no comments, especially on a holiday weekend, I'd love you all to tell me what you're doing for the 4th. Specifically— do you mess up bedtime and take the kids to see the 9:30pm fireworks or is that a disaster waiting to happen? My husband and I are split on this. I say fireworks, he says disaster. Mazzy typically goes to bed at 7:30.
Alright that's it. Eat some watermelon, keep your limbs away from anything that looks like dynamite and meet me back here on Tuesday.
Happy 4th!
— Mommy Shorts
I love the colossal cupcake pictures!!
We don’t celebrate 4th of July here obviously, but I can tell you our weekend will be fun – we’re taking Monkey to an indoor playground!
Er, yay?
Have a great long weekend!
We are in Canada so our celebration is tommorrow. I think that we are going to try to take the kids to the fireworks. This will be the first year we will take them and they are 3 and 2. It is a tough call on how young is too young to mess so badly with bedtime. How does she usually deal with a change in routine?
FYI, my nephew got hammered last night. I think he went home with the waitress.
Those cupcakes are HUMONGOUS!!! Wowza!
Usually we bbq & watch the fireworks at the high school from our backyard (we’re a couple miles away, but we can still see them!). But, we haven’t seen any info on it this year, so we’re thinking it might not be happening….we’re bummed. I even have a snazzy new camera that I was hoping to get some explosive pics with.
Sooooooo….since the 4th is a Monday & friends don’t have Tuesday off, it will just be us for the 4th. We’ll bbq & if there are fireworks, we’ll let the kids stay up for them. It’s summer vacation! :>
Happy 4th to you!
That cupcake is freaking huge. I’m so jealous I didn’t win it.
I’m not sure where to begin on this one. I guess I’ll start with, “Congratulations, Natasha.” But WTF…is the “better half” undeserving of an actual name or does he prefer, “Natasha’s husband?” And though I’m on board with the numerous comments on the size of the cupcakes, did no one notice the mattress on the floor in Natasha’s pic? Seriously, if THAT is where the magic happens in their bedroom…1, it should come as no surprise that “Natasha’s husband” is wearing manpris and 2, I have a toddler bed I will humbly offer as a lovely parting gift. I’m just saying!
Seriously, I am STILL a huge fan, Ilana (she says half-heartedly, secretly hurt by the fact that Mazzy’s mommy blatantly disregarded her generous offer for free stuff to throw Mazzy the party of a lifetime – hehehehehe). The offer still stands. And someday, I WILL be a caption contest winner, if it costs me 10 bottles of 2 buck chuck and my 3rd born!
Happy 4th of July to you and family. Wishing you a cupcake or two.
My eldest is eight. She has never seen fireworks. Insert evil parenting laugh here.
Have a great holiday.
xo
I will address your comment in four parts.
1) I added “Natasha’s Husband’s” name. Not sure what it says about me that I thought it was funnier without it.
2) I cannot speak for the state of their marital bed but I am almost POSITIVE that Natasha will be by at some point today and have a word or two to say about it. (Be forewarned.)
3) Just sent you an email regarding “blatant disregard”. In a nutshell— Sorry! Would love to take you up on your offer! Disregard has more to do with complete disorganization of inbox.
4) If the Bobby Fischer caption (that was yours, right?) is any indication, you should be taking home the caption contest crown in no time.
We’re going to not one, but TWO family reunions.
One of which will involve a lot of alcohol.
The other of which will not.
Guess which one will be more fun/have more people crying and screaming each other at the end of the night?
Can’t wait!
I’ve been pretty clear about this. There is a word for a cupcake that size: Cake. When you have to use a stainless steel sink as your cupcake mold, it is just called “cake”.
Well, I don’t know what to say. I’m honored…ashamed…and most of all, ready to tell my husband, who does in fact go by “Natasha’s husband” I told you so about his stupid Hulk pants.
For the record, that’s our office/guest room, and Natasha’s Husband’s mother had just spent the night there so we hadn’t put away the old Aerobed. We sleep in a wrought iron kingsize bed which was the bane of Natasha’s Husband’s apartment-searching life when we couldn’t find any places with bedrooms big enough to accommodate it.
I say bring her to the fireworks, but in a stroller that reclines quite a bit. We took Hazy to her first fireworks this way, and she slept through them. Everyone was happy.
Happy 4th everyone!
We’ve never done fireworks. Up past bedtime + loud noises + standing in a crowd = something I’m not willing to investigate.
Thanks for stopping by Quasi Agitato yesterday. I love entertaining royalty. xoxo
If I had a pair of hulk pants, I would wear them during every weightlifting session. Then I’d come up from the basement and say, “Honey, it happened AGAIN!”.
Knowing myself, I would say this every time, and laugh hysterically. Eventually she would probably leave me or drop a toaster in my bath water. So all in all, probably a good thing I don’t have the pants.
This is my first time commenting…love your blog!
Yes, we screw up the bedtime for fireworks on the 4th. Mine goes to bed the same time as yours. He’s really fine the next day, not too crabby or anything.
Happy 4th!
I’m in Texas and our fireworks have been cancelled due to the drought and the high chance of fires…so sad! But in the past, we have gone to see the fireworks despite the change in routine (we have a 7:40/8 bedtime here, too). Just watching their faces light up at the fireworks is so worth any possible craziness that follows.
Happy Fourth!
Judging by his behavior of late (and the giant life insurance policy we just got for him) him being not-dead is not so awesome. But the kids like him so I guess, yeah, it’s a good thing. Just talked to Living Social and they’re going to give us money back so I can get him something else. Which is awesome, since I messed up, not them.
We are going to the town parade in the morning, and then either bbq at home and watch most of 3 different towns fireworks displays from our backyard or to a friends big BBQ and their own firework blow out.
My vote is to watch from our back yard so we don’t have to fight the rest of the people in town trying to get home. Plus we are homebodies and big groups of people, most of whom we really don’t know, doesn’t seem like a fun time to me. But we will see what Monday brings……
Indoor playgrounds mean no mosquitoes. I approve!
Honestly, she’s probably be thrilled to stay up but no idea if she’d go insane the next day.
One more thing he can thank his uncle for— good job!
When I first moved into my apartment, the 4th of July fireworks were right over the East River. I had such an amazing view from my balcony that I never went away for the holiday and had a party every year instead.
A couple of years ago, they switched the fireworks to the West Side. Saddest development ever.
I know all about you— you are one tough MUM!
Alcohol and family drama? Sounds fantastic! Throw some illegal fireworks in the mix and you have potential headline news on your hands!
But it does LOOK like a cupcake. If it wasn’t pictured with objects for scalable reference, you would think it was a cupcake. Not cake.
Totally didn’t being the stroller with me this weekend. Damn.
I knew there was a reasonable explanation for the mattress on the floor. And I am impressed your MIL will sleep on the Aerobed. I’d definitley be kicked out my bedroom in that scenario.
Congrats again! And tell “Natasha’s Husband” it’s time to rid himself of the pants. I can supply you with the exact number of votes if that helps your case.
Well, thank you. But my drawstring pants and my ten week old pedicure suggest something slightly less than royal.
If Natasha’s husband employs that stunt it might be a reason to keep them.
Until the 300th time. When he dies of electrocution.
Lessons are always learned too late.
Thanks for commenting!
I think I’m gonna keep her up. It’ll be worth it. Unless the noise scares her. And we have to leave early. That would suck.
That’s what I’m banking on. The look on her face will hopefully be worth the month of trying to get her back on schedule.
Sorry your fireworks were canceled! Eat lots of watermelon to make up for it.
Glad they are gonna give you your money back.
Maybe you can find an adult stunt camp for next year. I bet at adult stunt camp, the building is higher and the fire is bigger.
The dream of killing your husband can still come true!
As I said in a comment above, we used to have the best view of the fireworks from our apartment but then they changed the display from the east to west side. Now we never stay in town for the holidays. But it was sweet while it lasted.
we live on a fantastic kids galore street so for the last few years we have had a block party complete with several houses BBQing and providing fireworks to cap the evening off. The fourth of July is my kids favorite holiday because of this awesome tradition.
BTW, I am somewhat new to your blog and having such fun reliving some “little kids” stuff as you talk about your daughter as my kids seem so big in comparison (12. 11. 8). You are a great writer.
Joycelyn in Oregon
Hi there,
Um…just wondering if “Natasha’s husband” has a blog featuring manpris etc. etc.? Hey, I’d read it. He’s edgy. (-:
We’re planning to go to a community parade and picnic that ends at dusk, eliminating the “should we or shouldn’t we” debate over fireworks. Besides, I live in West-by-God-Virginia, where people look for any excuse to blow shit up, so I’m going on my third night of fireworks. I’m already pretty much over it. Bunch of freakin’ pyros.
can canadians add their pictures from July 1st?
Damn. I can’t read anymore. I totally wanted one of those friggin cupcake/cakes. Boo.
In spite of you and your loser contest, I got my own crumbs last week. Yum. The peanunt butter cup was divine!!!!
The kid sipping beer? Awesome. So is the Zoo York middle finger pic. Holy lotta fun up in here!
Is this a reader’s husband crush?! I love bringing people together!
Will inquire.
I’m still pissed I didn’t win one of those cupcakes. ;P