I have many orders of business today. The first is to wish everyone a great July 4th weekend. If you didn't see my request on the Mommy Shorts Fanpage, I'm making a "July 4th Fan Photo Album" next week. If you want to be included, take a cute/funny/bizarre summer photo of your kid(s) this weekend and send it to me by Wednesday night.
If you're new here and you don't know what the fan photo albums are all about, check these out:
Please send photos to firstname.lastname@example.org and write "JULY 4TH" in the subject of your email.
It's time to announce the winner of "The Unsexiest Male Attire". It should come as no surprise. The winner (by a landslide) is…
Natasha and her husband's hideous pair of self-made manpris!!!
"The Hulk Pants" won with a whopping 34% of the vote. Second place went to Tracey's husband's "hidden elastic fat pants" with 16%. And nothing else even came close.
Here's what Natasha's husband, Matt had to say about his wife's well-deserved victory.
Congratulations, Natasha! Please email me to claim your gift certificate to Metal Pressions.
Note: Natasha is also the current Caption Contest Queen so between the crown and the gift certificate, at this point, she has reaped more rewards from Mommy Shorts than I have.
Remember the Crumbs Collosal Cupcake giveaway? Well, people received their cupcakes, devoured them like starving animals, and submitted pictures. Check out this bad boy from Shawna…
That's 3 year-old Jack telling his mom to hurry up with the photo-taking because his eyes are about to grow mouths that he cannot control.
Above is Kendra demonstrating that she has an incredibly small head. (Or, that is ONE COLOSSAL CUPCAKE!)
And here's a picture Kendra took of the Cookies 'n Cream Colossal against an awesomely designed backdrop.
Can you guess which photo is my favorite?
A few weeks ago, I called into question one reader's Father's Day gift of STUNT CAMP. Evin was super excited to throw her husband off a building and light him on fire.
Well, Evin has reported back and says it was indeed the WORST GIFT EVER. Apparently, her husband wasn't even allowed to participate as it turned out to be a stunt camp for KIDS ONLY.
Evin— I know that sounds like a horrible ending but look on on the bright side. YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T DEAD. That's a good thing, right?
One of my first giveaways was for a baby clothing company called Jaxxwear. One of the winners had a newborn at the time and the jumper she won finally fits. Check out Abigail's 9 month-old daughter Hannah…
Jaxxwear, if you're out there— I think I've got a new clothing model for you. (I take a 10% finder's fee.)
Next up— Brian, the guy who wrote "The Single Guy's Guide To Being An Awesome Uncle" would like to add one more awesome uncle tip: Give your nephew/neice their first sip of beer.
That's Brian's 8 year-old nephew, Robby taking the edge off the tough task of coloring. If he's not careful, he may follow in the footsteps of his twin brother Danny (top right) who spends most of his days in a drunken stupor.
Well done, Uncle Brian.
My next contest is gonna be "The Most Insulting Piece of Unsolicited Parenting Advice". If you've got a doozy and you haven't commented yet, please do so here.
And since it makes me sad when there are no comments, especially on a holiday weekend, I'd love you all to tell me what you're doing for the 4th. Specifically— do you mess up bedtime and take the kids to see the 9:30pm fireworks or is that a disaster waiting to happen? My husband and I are split on this. I say fireworks, he says disaster. Mazzy typically goes to bed at 7:30.
Alright that's it. Eat some watermelon, keep your limbs away from anything that looks like dynamite and meet me back here on Tuesday.
— Mommy Shorts