I've got lots of fun stuff to discuss today. But if you're in no mood for fun, you're in luck because I have something for everyone! Feel free to check out a piece I wrote that's hiding in a place I call: UNHUMOROUSLAND.

Secondly, congratuations to Lisa for winning my friend Randi's gorgeous papercraft book— Paper + Cup. (That's Mazzy clapping for you up top). Send me your address so that I can get your prize in the mail. Then if you could please make one of each project and send it back to me to use as decor in my apartment, that would be awesome. Thanks!

If you can't believe the giveaway is over and you miss it already, you can enter my new giveaway which is an $100 shopping spree. Enter by weighing in on The Great Diaper Jeans Debate (currently Diaper Jeans— 4, Oh-God-No-Anything-But-Those-Horrible Diaper Jeans— 52) by clicking here.

Thirdly, THE CAPTION CONTEST. To refresh, here's the photo once again from the very cooperative and hopefully not easily offended Jessica of Four Plus An Angel:


I asked— What did McKenna whisper in Parker's ear to cause him to give the international sign for FUCK OFF?

JLK (from Pieces of Me), our current Caption Contest Queen, is officially handing the crown to Amanda, who wrote:

"Psst. You're adopted."

Succinct and cruel. Well done, Amanda. You get to judge the next caption contest as well as take the shiny gold crown below over to your blog (get the code here). If you don't have a blog, pretend it's real and wear it out to lunch tomorrow.


As for the rest of you, you put on a good show. You made fun of poor Parker's hat, you punched him in his soft spot and you called him a douche canoe (thanks for the lesson in urban slang, Debi), but ultimately the Honorable Mentions had to go to…

The Better Self-Editing Next Time Award goes to Jen C because JLK says she would have picked her as the winner if her caption had been shortened to:

"You're not even real. Yep, says Made in China right here on the back of your neck".

The Get A Real Name Award goes to Kate who said:

"Pssst! My last-name-as-a-first-name is better than your last-name-as-a-first-name."

The Low Blow Award goes to Jeff who said:

"I heard your wee wee is so small it didn't show up on the ultrasound."

The Lizzy Likes It Award (bellebeandog's unsolicited pick) goes to Suzi H who said:

"Dibs on the right boob".

The So Nasty I Almost Deleted It Award goes to Craig who said:

"Your fontanelle smells like week-old placenta".

The Fashion Don't Award goes to New Mom On the Blog who said:

"That hat makes you look fat."

And finally, The E is for Effective Award has got to go to Anna O who gave us:

"Dude, you smell like shit".

Thanks everyone for playing! If you're interested, you can find all the caption entries on the original post. If you've got a funny picture that you think would make a great caption contest, please email it to me. I am also currently looking for pictures of babies bundled up for the snow for an End Of Winter Album next week. As with all reader submitted Mommy Shorts albums, pictures will be captioned by yours truly. Send all submissions here.

Lastly, I would like to adress a comment from my sister who told me I am not posting enough Mazzy stuff. Apparently, when I started a blog, she assumed it was going to be more like an online scrapbook for family and friends. (Silly girl!) And now she finds herself with an unpaid part-time job as a weekly contributor. (Thanks, Dr. B!) So the least I can do is attach the following short video of Mazzy playing with a straw at a restaurant, Mike asking if I'm videotaping and me sounding like a man. That's what you wanted to see, right?


Have a good weekend!

—Mommy Shorts

PS: Remember when I told you that nose blowing baby was going to be the next big viral video baby? I posted that at 24,000 YouTube hits and it is now at 3,341,524. Whose laughing now, paper ripping baby??!!!