It's been one week and I'm already not digging the schedule. I think posting more randomly may be better. Although I'll keep Fridays the same with recaps and baby profiling. If you have an opinion about this, please let me know in the comments below. If there's one thing obsessively checking my traffic has taught me, it's that it's all about the readers. And here I was thinking this was an exercise in self-indulgence.

Let's see… what else happened this week?

I had a shitty Monday that ultimately revealed something life-altering— my mom watches Dexter. Who knew?

• I took Mazzy to another art exhibit and this time it didn't result in the loss of her virginity.

• I showcased Baby Magnetism as the ultimate test in smartphone technology.

• Mazzy said, "Bitch, please" after she was man-handled by a blonde hussy at the library.

Shaquille O'Neal asked us for a playdate.

• We all got a failing grade in baby food presentation.

• We coveted thy neighbor's house.

• We learned that Reading To Your Baby = Baby Genius Playgroup while Teaching Your Baby To Read = Your Ten-year-old Pooping On The Floor.

• Plus more parental tweets, funny baby videos, baby cool hunting and unique baby gifts ideas.

As always, I welcome any submissions of parental tweets, baby profiles or funny baby videos. Please send them to You'll be given full credit. And if you haven't already joined the Mommy Shorts facebook fanpage, for the love of Mazzy— please do so. I update it daily.

Now, I invite you to turn your attention to Friday Baby Profiling. Line 'em up!