If I pissed anybody off these past two weeks with my tales of pristine beaches and hotel sex, I apologize. It will most likely never happen again. And in case you missed it, while we were away, Mazzy said "Mama" over Skype which was AWESOME. Until we came home and she replaced "Mama" with her new favorite word—"iPad". Well, maybe not replaced, but definitely saying it just as often. And no, I'm not joking. Guess you guys weren't the only ones mad about my vacation.

What else happened besides the complete abandonment of my child in favor of a lounge chair by the pool?

• Mazzy exposed my pasty legs for your viewing pleasure

• My husband enlightened us with his hotel breakfast buffet strategies (and made you all jealous that I get to be married to a man with such a wealth of knowledge)

• I launched a campaign to "SAVE SURI'S FEET"

• Which are without a doubt much prettier than MINE

• My husband's feet didn't fare well either thanks to an encounter with "The Porcupine of the Sea"

Dr. B kept our kids in bed right before preparing them for their eventual replacements

• I said "hmmm" one to many times (OR did I not say it enough???)

• And most importantly, I gave you LIFE-ALTERING fashion advice

If anybody tries the Men's Skinny Jeans thing and it works out for them, please let me know. And if you want to fully support my efforts to SAVE SURI'S FEET— grab the button below for your blog.

You can also help support important causes like "Keeping Your Thong Under Wraps While You Bend Down To Pick Up Your Kid" and "Ridding the World of Toddler Heels" by joining my facebook fanpage. We can make a difference if we all work together. PROMISE.

Have a good weekend!

—Mommy Shorts