They say hurricanes make a woman more likely to go into labor. They also say that about full moons. You know what else they say that about? Husbands who abandon their wives at 38 weeks pregnant to go on business trips during all of the above.
When the possibility of the trip came up earlier last week, I told Mike he should go. It seemed important, the impact of hurricanes on NYC are always way over-hyped (see "Hurricane Schmurricane" from last year) and I didn't feel anywhere close to ready to give birth.
But as Hurricane Sandy loomed closer and the warnings became scarier and scarier, I started to have second thoughts.
Once Mayor Bloomberg announced all NYC transporation would shut down as of 7pm Sunday night and schools would be closed on Monday (meaning Mazzy would be home all day, our nanny wouldn't be able to come in from Queens and I wouldn't be able to go to work), that's when I really started to panic.
I pictured being trapped in a two bedroom apartment during a massive power outage with an incredibly active two-year-old who is scared of the dark.
I pictured trying to explain to a toddler why television is no longer an option and trying unsuccessfully to compensate with flashlight shadow puppets.
I pictured running out of water and batteries and tissues (have I mentioned my sinus infection?) and using my daughter to beg our neighbors for canned soup.
I pictured my very pregnant self having contractions while trying to tote a two-year-old in a stroller 60 blocks to the hospital during a torrential downpour with 70mph winds.
And finally, I pictured the battery running out of my phone, and having no way to call my husband to let him know just how PISSED I was at him for leaving us.
Thankfully, Mike finally came to his senses and decided to stay home. About a half hour before leaving for the airport this evening.
Way to keep a pregnant lady on her toes, Mike!
You know one more thing that makes pregnant women go into early labor? STRESS.
So, even though we are now waiting out the storm as one big happy family, I am still a little pissed.
But don't worry, I had my revenge as soon as Mike dozed off on the couch. Sharpie mustache? Eyebrow shaving? Hand in a cup of warm water, perhaps?
Nope, those are all for frat boys and thirteen-year-old girls at sleepovers. I've got something much better…
Let the HUSBAND SHAMING begin!
If you would like to contribute a photo and you haven't married the kind of guy who would pose willingly, I recommend waiting until he falls asleep, making sure his head is obscured (for common decency's sake) and then snapping away. Then post it on the Mommy Shorts Fanpage.
Some other possibilities include…
"I pretend to sleep really heavily so my wife is always the one who has to attend to our children in the middle of the night."
"I go to the bathroom for an extended period of time to get out of child-watching duties."
Or my personal favorite…
On a final note, if I do not post tomorrow, it is either because we lost our power due to the hurricane, I went into early labor, or…
MY HUSBAND KILLED ME.
If you are on the East Coast, stay safe and dry!