Remember last week when I “husband shamed” Mike for almost flying to San Francisco the day before Hurricane Sandy hit? Seems like forever ago. In other news, IMAGINE IF HE HAD GONE??? I would have written him a shaming sign so large, he’d have seen it from California.
Anyway, I asked for volunteers to shame their husbands and although the response was very enthusastic, NOT ONE PERSON FOLLOWED THROUGH. What? No wives with balls out there? Or are your husbands all perfect saints??
Instead (because HUSBAND SHAMING MUST BE A THING regardless of whether anybody wants to participate), I called upon my mom friends in Blogland to step up to the plate.
Thankfully, they don’t have nearly the amount of respect for their spouses as you all do.
Let’s start with Brenna from Suburban Snapshots since she was the first to get the ball rolling and because I like her husband’s jacket:
Next we have Bethany from Bad Parenting Moments whose husband clearly went straight from living with his mother to shacking up with his wife:
Then there’s Kerry from House Talk N who couldn’t bring herself to shame her own husband but somehow convinced half the men in her neighborhood to do it:
Moving on to the lovely Jessica from Four Plus an Angel who wasn’t going to participate until she witnessed THIS:
And then there’s Anna from My Life and Kids. Ummm… not sure if this is more embarassing for her or her husband…
Here’s Robin from Robin’s Chicks. I’m gonna assume 36 is a really good score…
If I were Kelley from Kelley’s Break Room, I’d implement a new dinnertime rule called “Every Man For Himself”:
Toulouse from Toulouse and Tonic might be my favorite, only because I’m pretty sure I’ve been to this “party”…
But no one beats Nicole from Ninja Mom whose husband should truly feel BEYOND ashamed:
What do you say we all chip in and buy a billboard for Nicole, ‘mmmkay?
I already tried to get you guys to submit your own husband shaming pics and failed, so let’s play a game in the comment section instead:
What would be written on your husband’s sign?
Is this a contest? Because I’m voting for Bethany. too funny. Glad Mike decided to stay in town during Sandy afterall!
My husband’s would read,
“I’m a wonderful stay-at-home dad but my daughter’s 3-hour break isn’t a time for chores, it’s a time for gaming!”
I meant 3-hour NAP!
I can’t get the image of Anna trimming her husband’s toenails out of my head! Hilarious!
My husband’s sign would read, “I talked all of my friends into holding a shame sign to deflect attention from myself.”
I have one for my friend’s husband:” My wife gave birth to our second child, after 1.5 hours from the first contraction hitting. The baby was born still in the sac, on an emergency room gurney because we barely even made it to the hospital on time even though only lived five minutes away (not from denial – the onset from the first twinge of contraction to active labour was just that fast). Due to the quick delivery she was ripped front to back. When I left the delivery room the first thing I said to the nurses was “My neck is really sore!”.
(we got a lot of mileage out of that story 🙂
I’m still shuddering over the toenails.
This is awesome. I told my husband about it and he said, “Too bad there’s nothing you could write on a sign about me.” HA!
“My daughter is 2 and I still whine about giving her a bath…that’s why I have done so less than 10 times…”
Next time he falls asleep on the couch I will definitely be taking a picture with a shame…lately he has been awake during Sunday football.
“I have my wife pluck and shape my eyebrows”
Sorry no one stepped up! I did say it was funny but I wouldn’t do it ’cause my hubs would kill me. He’s sensitive that way. Anyways, my fave one above is the “my favorite movie is the notebook”. And the guy who doesn’t eat leftovers would not survive in my house.
I love them all. The Notebook is a fave. And the toenails, I’ve been there. Solidarity, Anna!
I would put a note on my husband’s laptop while he’s playing: “I’m spending quality time with the kids while my wife cleans. When they get too loud I just send them to their rooms.”
OR
“I’m a highly intelligent mechanical engineer who can’t find the hamper two feet from the shower.”
HA HA! I’d be banished to the dungeon. Guys get real defensive and stuff.
Mine would be a long list after so many married years.
“I went bowling on the night of my son’s first birthday instead of celebrating with the family after work.”
“I have never finished one single project I started in this old house in 26 years and I keep starting more.”
“I shove all dirty dishes in the sink, forcing my wife to first empty the nasty water and gunk out of them to put them in the dishwasher so she can use the sink and cook my dinner, instead of laboriously reaching over a foot to open the dishwasher and put them in there myself.”
My husband’s would say “I pretend to have meetings at 8 AM in the morning so that I can leave early and play a game on my ipad peacefully in the office toilet”
Wow these are too funny! Honestly, my husband is a pretty awesome guy who could shame me WAY more often than I can shame him, but if I had to shame him it would say, “Every day when I come home from work I take a 20 minute bathroom trip so I can play my words with friends in peace… even if dinner is on the table and getting cold.”
How about: “I am a very successful writer whose projects are based on my keen observation of human behavior. I am nonetheless unable to “observe” things like whether the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty, or whether my son’s diaper needs changing.
Mine would say, “I gave my wife an X-box for Christmas, but I really just wanted it for myself”
My husband’s: “I watch Glee, and I make my wife rewind the DVR during episodes so I can watch some of the musical numbers more than once.”
my hubbys would say ” I ignore my wifes request that the kids have limited gaming time so I can play with them or for them”
I think the original problem was that no one’s husband would allow them to take a picture of them w/ the truth written on it. Notice how all the men are hidden behind the sign or the picture was taken while they were sleeping?
I tried to get my husband to participate, he refused. 🙁 His greatest husband shaming moment would be when I went into labor with our first daughter and I told him we needed to get to the hospital. He was on his Xbox360 and asked “can you wait until I finish this tournament.” O.o
Love This!!!…My Husband sign would say….I’m so anal about keeping the house clean yet I refuse to clean the bathroom the place where I do the most damage
My husband is no saint but he could shame me more than I could him. Mine would say “my wife is 17weeks pregnant and says her back hurts so I give our 19m old son a bath while she sits on the couch and watches The Vampire Diaries in peace”
he he he…
Mine: “I really liked Desperate Housewives.”
love em all … Nicole of Ninja Mom is my Fav !
“I am an architect who is spatially inept when it comes to loading the dishwasher.”
and…
“When my MIL instructed me to try and help my wife get some sleep in early labor, I thought the best method would be to lead-by-example…so I rolled over and snored away.”
I STILL cannot get past the toenails. The brows are understandable.
“I asked my wife in the delivery room if she pooped dark matter while giving birth to our second child.” Yeah… he’s a keeper…
Mine would say, Instead of going to the doctor to seek help for my outrageously loud snoring so my wife can acutally sleep (she works a very demanding full time job and we have a 20 month old), I tell her that clearly she’s not tired because if she was, the snoring wouldn’t wake her.
My husband wouldn’t participate, but his would say:
“I love Real Housewives of New Jersey”
OR
“I let my 2 year old completely trash the house on the days I watch her. Then I go to Applebee’s to meet my brother for a beer while my wife cleans it all up when she gets home from work!”
“I’m such a baby when I’m sick. One time I had my wife take my temperature. It was 98.7 and I said, ‘that’s high, right?”
These are great! My husband’s would be ” I told my wife I would watch our daughter while she went out with her friends. I actually took a nap while our daughter smeared poop all over the house. I then climbed on top of the counter to avoid her and waited patiently for my wife to return.”
My husband’s would say “My wife makes all my doctor’s appointments. If she doesn’t, I just bitch about all the things I need to get done, but I don’t actually do them!”
This is just a great story, so I’ll tell it in the format “After my wife gave birth to our daughter, I told her doctor ‘put an extra stitch in for me'”
Without even looking up, her doctor got me good. She said “whatever you need, small fry!”
honestly, too lazy, err, tired to write a sign, wait for him to fall asleep and take a picture. I’d have to put my wine glass down and miss Castle or SOA (gave up on Grey’s btw).
“I went to my high school reunion on my wife’s birthday. Without her.” i’ll never forgive him for that.
“I purposely skip baths on bath nights because I’m too lazy to do it. If wife wants them bathed, she can do it.”
“I leave empty containers and dirty dishes on the counter next to the sink because I don’t have the spatial skills to place them in there with other dishes, and washing them myself would be too much work. I’ll let her do that.”
My husband’s sign would read: “My mother-in-law folds my laundry.” Okay, so that shames me a little too.
My ex-husband’s would say “I have no balls – I left my wife and two children via text message.”
Is this a contest? Do I win?
Mine would be: I turn the TV volume up to 87 to drown out the noisy kids even though I know my wife is in her office trying to work.
Richard’s would be, “No, I can’t take the baby monitor outside with me and listen out for the SLEEPING baby long enough for you to run to the grocery store; I am working on my chicken pen!” SPOILER: The baby slept for 2 1/2 hours. I NEED some NON-mommy time, even if it’s at the grocery store!
I think if I was married to any of these men, I would appear holding my own sign:
“I exhibited a shameful and embarrassing lack of judgement when selecting a mate”
I didn’t see it or else I would have done it. My husbands would say, I am really great at watching the kids while my wife is sick or at work, and by watching I mean turning on cartoons and then playing W.O.W the whole time.
” I call my wife from my business trips and tell her all about the wonderful wineries we have eaten at and how they brought out the filet mignon and had a 6 course meal, when I know she and the kids just had mac n cheese.”
My husband would be furious if I shamed him publicly, but since none of you know him, his sign would say…
– I “forget” to write down anything I use up on the grocery list, then I complain when we’re out of something. And by “forget,” I mean REFUSE. –
Seriously, it’s not that hard. He hasn’t learned this in the 4 years we’ve lived together. Sheesh…
The contributions from Brenna, Bethany, and Jessica could all easily apply to my husband, as well. But he’s a sensitive guy, so I wouldn’t participate. However, his sign would have said “I ate at least half of my son’s Halloween candy from my son’s first trick-or-treat this year.”
8 years, 3 kids, 1 dog, 4 moves. ONE trip to the grocery store alone.
Or how about this:
I say I don’t care what she buys at the store…but I whine when she doesn’t get me chips and cookies.
Or this:
“Bedtime Kids!” is my cue to disappear outside for a smoke break.
Rather than shaming your husbands… maybe take a second and PRAISE him… maybe then he’d feel motivated to help out…
Happily Married, I’m all about giving positive feedback, but praising a man doesn’t make him perfect. It doesn’t make me perfect either. Besides, improving him is not my job.
Rather than shaming the ladies who are airing a small frustration, and rather than trying to fix someone else’s marriage that’s probably not broken at all, why don’t you sit back and enjoy the silliness.
If you can’t do that, perhaps you can just assume that this was his bad behavior before his wife fixed him through selective positive motivation techniques.
“I am genetically incapable of picking anything up that misses the garbage.”
OMG mine too, though I do not work that hard just a few hours a night, I do have a 5, 3 and 1 year old that I have to get ready to school and watch druing the day. I am on the couch often
These are great. He who doesn’t change diapers absolutely deserves the crown of shame.
There are way too many my husband could have. This week it would have to be “I load the dishwasher like a blind person so that my wife bans me from loading it and I can leave my crap in the sink and go play Hangin with Friends in peace.”
“I think turning on the dishwasher means I did the dishes”
ah! another one.
“I’m 6″6′ and this excuses me from getting my pee into the toilet… its just so far away.”
My husband could have several signs.
“I went deer hunting at 430 AM on opening day, with the only vehicle, while my wife cared for my first born son who had a fever of 103 and was 9 months old.”
“I left my vomiting wife on the couch and made her mom come and take her to the ER when she had a SEVERE kidney infection and was 30 weeks pregnant. She was hospitalized for a week.”
“I fart in the bathtub SHAMELESSLY!”
“I pick my nose in the car and wipe it under the seat.”
Yeah… I could go on and on. =)
I knew I wasn’t the only wife trimming toenails!!!
“I complained about my mom wearing her bathrobe my whole childhood, but I’ve been wearing this black ski cap for 8 years.”
HI-larious post.
My husband shaming consists of:
“My phone ringer is my OWN VOICE singing “answer the phone” and my text message notification is “text message, oweee yeahh”. I refuse to change it, despite my wife’s pleas.
I wish I could add audio to this comment.
My husbands would read, “During the c-section of our daughter, at 27 weeks gestation, when my wife looked up at me and asked ‘Are you ok?’ I replied; yeah it really isn’t much worse than gutting a deer.”
He still doesn’t get why that was not comforting, lol.
This. Is. Hilarious.
“My wife sleeps less than 5hours a night and I never get up with our son to give him breakfast.”
What I learned from this is that all husbands are the same! I saw quite a few signs I could put on my husband with no trouble at all.
this is hilarious! My husband’s would say” I loved aloen for years but cannot remember to do simple tasks. I love starting projects then forgetting about them, leaving my wife to finish them in between working full time and running a business”. LOL
my husband’s would read “I won’t get an electric blanket for the whole bed, insisting that I am a ‘double-hard b@st@rd’ but when my wife tries to get into her warmed side, I pretend I’m super asleep so I don’t have to move off.”
Honestly though, my hubby is pretty good about most things and listens when I have a complaint. everything except the blanket.
36 is a perfect score, by the way!
My husband can’t miss an episode of General Hospital!
Aw, thanks! He’s a great Daddy-o, and my favorite husband, but diapers are NOT his thing.
Priceless!!!
Bazinga!
Oh man. Are you the lucky gal who got the only perfect man on earth?! No fair.
Why didn’t I think of that? 11 years married and I’m doing it all wrong.
Oh, right. And my husband came up with his own sign. I guess we’ll have to make our marriage work on love and a shared sense of humor. Wish us luck!
“I ‘lost’ the keys to my truck, so had to use my wives car for the past month (leaving her stuck at home with nothing to do), only to find them in the couch where I said I ‘looked’ 59028929 times!”
I don’t have a husband, but my dad’s would read “I went to McDonald’s to get a snack while my wife was in labor because the doctor said it ‘might be a while’.” I’m 20 years old, and my mother STILL hasn’t forgiven him for that! Don’t worry, he didn’t miss my birth lol
I’m still laughing in disbelief at the toenails. Anna, you crack me up!
And Nicole’s non-diaper-changing husband? I am in awe.
Hysterical!!!
Cheryl, that is FANTASTIC!
My favorite is the guy who can’t find any clean underwear because he’s out and won’t do laundry cause my husband’s would say the same thing!!!! (Thing is… he DOES know how… just “can’t”)
“No one could pay my wife any amount of money to trim my toenails.”
While eating dinner at a restaurant, our son had a terrible blowout and while attempting to get him cleaned up in the bathroom my husband realized there was only ONE wipe left and he panicked. So his sign would say ” I used my 11 month old son’s SOCKS to wipe his ass in a public bathroom” …The scene followed with him bringing our baby out to me at the table reeking of crap in just a t-shirt and diaper and said, “We gotta go, take him to the car while I go clean up the bathroom.”
Men really know how to think on their toes, don’t they?
Oh…so it’s a gender thing. Whew! I’ve been worried sick about my husband. I thought he was just incredibly lazy and I had spoiled him and been the “enabler”. When I was down recently with the flu, it became quite beyond evident to me that he was helpless and clueless. So now that I guess that stuff is normal for guys, I don’t feel so bad.
Oh…but I do have to add, to his credit, he was the first one to change our oldest daughter’s diaper, and never had a problem with that. In fact, he had to teach me to do it right! And he’s the one who combs all my daughters’ long hair and helps them with the homework. OK, OK… I guess it’s a fair trade-off. 🙂
This is the bessssstt!!!!
The Notebook one had me cracking up. 🙂
Umm this is AWESOME. I really can’t decide which is my favorite. I could probably list a lot of them for my husband…. My fav might be the husband watching the kids while sleeping from My Life and Kids because I’m pretty sure most guys have done that “I’ve got this…..” riiiiight, we know what their version of “I’ve got it” is…. 🙂
“I seek to think that being “off” means I don’t have to do ANYTHING.” Do moms get an “off” day? Ummm, NO. Not unless we want our kids to starve or sit in dirty diapers until they get so heavy they just fall right off.
My husband too! It’s really annoying!
LOL… I guess I had better not post mine then if you think these are bad!
Oh boy, my hubby could have a whole list of signs like:
“I put the t.v. on and send the kids to play in their room for 2 hours but I’m really watching them.”
“If mommy is in the house, I can’t change a diaper, ever!”
“If you say anything against any super hero, I’ll beat you to a pulp.” Seriously, they are his religion.
He also turns up the t.v. when the kids get loud, leaves the house without telling me where he is going, leaves dishes in the sink, falls asleep anywhere, and so on.
But he can be wonderful at times and that makes up for it.
My husband’s would read “I say I don’t know how to cook so my wife cooks all of our meals and then bring her a recipe book of THINGS I’VE COOKED!”
My husband’s would say: I will go to the grocery store but only get the items I am out of. I never ask my wife before what else we might need from the store, so then she has to make an additional trip – every time – and we have been married 36 years.
My EX’s sign would say “I left my wife home with a 2 year old immediately after she had all of her impacted wisdom teeth cut out, so I could go play pool”. There’s a reason he is an EX!
While our husbands are great the vast majority of the time, and we love them, and shower them with the praise they deserve, there is always that one thing (or two, or three, or ten) that drives us insane. Lately, my husband’s sign would read “I can’t be bothered to make the bed, even though I am the last one out of it EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING.”
My ex-husband’s would read “I once gave my sick wife and IV and hung it on a nail on the wall and told her I was going to lunch, and hope she feels better soon!” (btw, he’s a paramedic, so that was totally normal for him to do)
No husband, but my daughter’s father’s would say, “on Facebook I’m the best dad in the world, but in real life, I’ve only seen my 2yo for only 4 hours of her life!”
I threw up in my mouth a little. ‘Happily Married’ is the delusional, condescending twit no other woman can stand. As if anyone believes she is the one perfect wife in the world with the only perfect relationship known to man. Gag.
My husband is sweet to the point of annoyance, and he tries his heart out, but I still have one on him… “When I’m sick, I worry my wife will forget how badly I feel if I don’t remind her every 3-5 minutes. And when she offers to do something to make me feel better, I refuse any medicine; because if I feel better I can’t drive her crazy with my incessant whining.”
mine too lol
whats great is their nap-time is suppossed to be my zumba time. but by the time I do dishes (cause thats the only way I can get him to take the baby for more then a potty break) he’s already turned the x-box on and ‘after this game…oops I forgot after this one’ me until it’s time to nurse the baby. then he turns the 360 off FINALLY as I’m pulling the boob out for baby. and is like ‘I thought you wanted to zumba’. Why yes dear, I did. Two or three hours ago, when I still had the time and energy too. But thanks for ‘giving me nap time’ to do it.
mine too other then the climbing on the counter part. I walked in after a frantic ‘hurry up I’ll explain later’ phone call to him chasing her through the house yelling at her sister not to touch it.
I am a typical husband. My signs are plentiful. This is a shame-list for most men. My sign would read “I shame my wife for hiding newly purchased shoes in the trunk of her car even though I hide candy in mine.” Not the trunk mind you. I need to be able to reach it while driving.
I really don’t have a thing to complain about. My wife is amazing. @ happilymarried, I think you have a great attitude.
I think my marriage has been saved!! My hubz can also hold just about all these signs, but I thought he was the only one! The underwear sign..most annoying question I have ever been asked a million times! LOL! I am so happy now knowing he is not the only man like this!! At least he is attractive and lazy, it could be worse! LOL
My husband’s would say: “I took time off of work when my wife had surgery to take care of her. What I really did was drop her off at our friends so I could go hunting.”
I can’t say much. When I graduated college, and before I found work, my husband would trim my toenails for me. (couldn’t afford pedicures) So do I have to hold a sign. My husbands would be ” I tailgate cars doing 90 in rush hour traffic while my wife grips the car door with her eyes closed. Yes, she has told me that it scares the beejeebas out of her. No, I don’t care that it does.”
My husband is so good to me that it makes me want to strangle him sometimes. His sign could be ” I make my wife feel like she is a beast because I am toooooo nice.” Really, beside tailgating in rush hour traffic, I have no complaints!
Hey mine does that too! But my “office” is the formal dining room and does not have doors! Grrrr