Look what I brought to Hawaii! It's Karen Alpert's book, "I Heart My Little A-Holes"! I thought it would be the perfect book to scare Mike's co-worker's away from talking to me on the beach.
Plus, if I start to miss Mazzy and Harlow while on vacation, I can just read a chapter like "Bundle of Joy My Ass" or "The Truth, the Whole Truth, and None of that Bullshit You See on Pinterest" and feel a whole lot better about my decision to leave the kids at home.
Karen, a personal friend of mine (is there any other kind?) and the blogger behind the ridiculously popular facebook page, Baby Sideburns, self-published this book last year, turned it into a New York Times bestseller on her own (that's a lot of people who can't stand their kids!) and then promptly sold the book to Harper Collins.
It's being re-released this week in hardcover with a few new chapters plus a "verrrrrry serious" book club section with questions like, "What do you call vaginas and penises in your house? Please discuss. And what words do you use for passing gas and bowel movements?"
Here are my answers:
Vaginas: Vaginas
Penises: Penises
Passing Gas: Passing Gas
Bowel Movements: Bowel Movements (just kidding, we say "pooping")
Also, I'm starting to question the "passing gas" thing because now that Mazzy is using the term herself, she sounds like an 80-year-old grandmother or something. I almost feel bad for her every time she says it because it's like I tricked her out of using the 'fun word' that all the other kids are saying. "Fart" just seems too crude though, you know?
Wow, this really does make for a riveting book club discussion! Perhaps I would actually join a book club if this is what we would be discussing!
I reviewed "I Heart My Little A-Holes" when it came out last year, so if you'd like to read why I think everyone needs a Karen Alpert in their lives, you should read "Baby Sideburns Calls Her Kids A-Holes So You Don't Have To".
For the new release, I think the best way to sell Karen's book, is by giving you Karen herself.
She's too busy though, because (DUH!) she is promoting a very important New York Times bestseller, but that doesn't mean I can't lift her words straight from her own book.
Below are five of my favorite quotes from "I Heart My Little A-Holes".
Karen Alpert on video monitors:
"I don't think it's a coincidence that my baby's eyes glow like the devil's on the video monitor. He thinks we can't see him and he's like muahahahahaha, I don't have to conceal my real identity now!"
Karen Alpert on strangers saying her daughter looks like her husband:
Random Stranger: She looks just like her daddy!
Me: Yeah, but she got my genitalia!
Karen Alpert on Mommy and Me classes:
"You know that moment when you're holding on to the parachute and walking around in a circle and all the kiddos are smiling (except for the one kid who always cries) and you're singing "Pop Goes the Weasel" and you can't help but think, WTF has my life come to?"
Karen Alpert on artwork that kids bring home from school:
Sometimes when my daughter isn't looking I bury her artwork at the bottom of the trash can. Especially when she's like, "Here. Mommy, it's a snake," and then I'm like no it's not, it's an F'ing line."
Karen Alpert on mommy friends:
"Just so you know, when I see your kids throw a temper tantrum I don't judge you. It just makes me want to be friends with you so my kids will look better."
Karen is more than a funny quote. When I got to the chapter called "A Letter to My Daughter in the Future, But None of that Sappy Crap You See on Huffpost", in which Karen brings up really tough topics in a way that will totally position her as a parent her daughter will come talk to when she is in trouble, I was like— WAIT. This is actually a really good letter that every parent should give to their daughter. Maybe remove some of the f-bombs so they don't think Tony Soprano wrote it, but valuable none the less.
FYI- I totally wrote one of the sappy letters to my daughters in the future that might or might not have been published on Huffpost. And I wrote it on Valentine's Day to make it even sappier. I'm sure Karen just threw up in her mouth a little because another chapter in her book is, "Ten Things that Suck About Valentine's Day (easiest list I've ever come up with)".
So, in a nutshell— "I Heart My Little A-holes" is crude, crass and hilarious. There is more cursing in this book than in Good Fellas. If you are looking for an important piece of literature to impress your old English teacher, this is not the book for you. BUT— this book will also make you feel less alone. You are not the only mom who can't stand their kids sometimes. You are not the only mom hiding in your bathroom with fake stomach cramps. You are not the only mom who wants the kids to disappear for Mother's Day.
Here's another favorite quote of mine from Karen's book:
"If you see another mom whose child is throwing a tantrum, the proper way to act is not to roll your eyes and think to yourself that they are obviously doing something wrong as a parent. From now on you should walk by and quietly mention to her, "That was me yesterday," even if your kiddo has been in one of those angelic phases all week. Just make her feel better."
See? Valuable. You can buy "I Heart My Little A-Holes" here
Oh! Wait! I just had an idea! Let's continue the book club discussion in the comments. Give me your household names for vagina, penis, peeing, passing gas and bowel movements. I'll pick three comments at random to win a copy of "I Heart My Little A-Holes."
Winners announced Friday, the 18th. Let the discussion commence!
We’re not real creative, we say vagina, penis, peeing, farting (although I am looking for a less crude form!), and pooing.
Words in our house…
Vagina=vagina or some word in Portuguese that daycare taught her that I don’t understand
Penis= we are a two mom household with a daughter so it never occurred to me until this very second we haven’t talked about penises ever. Oops. Getting out a picture seems weird… Um, skip this question.
Passing gas= toots
Peeing is peeing and bowel movements are poops.
Love it! And love the fact Mazzy says passing gas! 🙂
Vagina – vagina
Penis – penis
Peeing – peeing
Passing Gas – tooting
Bowel movement – popping
Fingers crossed for this Canuck! 😉
Vagina – Couzabug
Penis – wiener (and bojangles for balls)
Pass gas – Boopsey
🙂 true story
vagina-hoo ha
penis- weiner or wanger
peeing- peeing
passing gas- farting
bowel movements- pooping or taking a dumper
Vagina-vagina
Penis- penis
Passing gas- stinks
Bowel movements- poops!! We re boring
we don’t have a word for vaginas yet since my kiddo is a 2 yr old boy, but that will change come August when baby sister arrives and he’ll be like “mama? what’s that?” the first time he sees her getting her diaper changed… penis is peepee (unoriginal) and bowel movements are “mama,
it’s poop”… passing gas is “fartu” because he is half-Indian and everything gets a u (like ooo) sound at the end in the kid version. so a person who farts is a “fartu” – as in “fartu mama!” if he thinks he hears something from me! good times. especially in target.
vagina becomes bagina or hooha, penis is penis (btw, we taught her that word, and then 2 days later she poured water out of her teapot and said the water came out of the penis…i laughed so hard i couldn’t remember the word spout after that), passing gas is “pooting” – that’s the less crude version you’re all looking for, and BMs are poopie. And we can only say potty words when we are in the bathroom, so I randomly hear “POOPIE POOPIE POOPY PEEPEE POOT PEE!” coming from the hall bath during the day 🙂
We haven’t come up with one for vagina being we only have a 4 year old boy and it just hasn’t come up yet.
Penis = Weiner, Balls = Yackles
Passing Gas= “Daddy Stinks” or “You Stink” my neice you to say girls Fluff Boys Fart
Bowel Movement = Pooping
My 6 year old daughter cannot remember the word vagina to save her life. She calls it her virus which sends me into fits of hysterical laughter (behind her back) every time.
Penises are Pee-pees, pooping is pooping, and farting has a variety of names – farting, low-flying ducks, ripping 🙂
vagina= hoohoo, and sometimes just vagina, because sometimes I feel guilty being a biologist and not using the correct term lol.
Penis=Penis, because otherwise I would feel like a 12 year old boy.
Gas= Tooting, because I can’t say fart
BMs= Pooping
Vagina – Vagina
Penis – Penis
Passing Gas – Tooting
Peeing – Peeing
Bowel Movements – Pooping
I don’t have kids but where I live kids have always called farts “fluffs”.
Vagina-vagina
Penis- penis
Passing gas- toots or did you “rip one”? My daughter is THE worst. Sometimes I think I have twin boys instead of b/g twins.
Bowel movements- poop
My toddler doesn’t have words for penis and vagina yet, but I’m thinking we’ll just go with penis and vagina. The others are pee or peepee, toots, and poop or poopoo.
This is what we say, although if I say them in front of my 13 year old daughter, she will run away screaming. Which makes me scream out loud “VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA” like I am summoning some vajaja beetlejuice. She is so not my kid. I talk every opportunity to say vagina.
vagina- depends on who you talk to in this family. The little girls call it a nina (nine-uh). Specifically, hairy nina.
penis- I used to call my son’s a winkie until my husband told me that was just insulting. Wiener is used a lot, because ya know, huge difference between the two words. Righttttt.
peeing- is there another word?
passing gas- farts. My MIL calls them “fanny burps”.
bowel movements- We just call them poop but my four year old does try to write letters with her logs of love. I can screenshot my FB to prove it. Always trying to learn, that kid.
Noonie, unless we’re having a serious conversation, then we use vagina
Boy noonie, again unless we’re having a serious conversation. ( I only have a daughter, so she just started saying boy noonie & I went with it)
Pee & poop, no matter how serious the conversation 🙂
And “passing gas” we call tooting (or tooter booting if its A LOT of toots)… The most serious conversation we have about that is “please don’t toot at the table”
Vagina- girly bits
Penis- winky or my daughter calls it a “thing”
Passing gas- farting
Pooping- pooping or poopoo
Peeing- peeing
We use jayjay and vagina, penis, fart/toot, pee pee and poo poo. Not too creative, straight to the point.
Vagina: Vagina
Penis: Penis or weiner
Balls: Pufferfish! My 2 1/2 year old son really discovered his balls when potty training. He looked down one day and
” they are weird. They look just like a pufferfish!” Ha ha
Passing Gas: Farts, Farties
Bowel Movement: Poop
Vaginas=wink or winkie. My mom called it that when I was little and I remember her telling me that I had to take a bath because no one liked “stink of the wink.” Thanks Mom.
Penis=Doodle
Passing Gas=Toot or a bumpze
Bowel Movements=Poop
We also use the Polish word “Dupa” for your butt
Vagina – Vagina (or as my soon to be 2 year old daughter says “JINA, JINA!”)
Penis – Uh, haven’t gotten to this one yet
Passing Gas – Fart
Peeing – Pee Pee
Bowel Movements – Poopie
Like devin my oldest called vaginas “Buh-ginas”, (fun story- at 3 he walked around and informed every woman he saw that they had BUH-gina” because they’re a girl…YAY!)
penises are just that penises, however my ex thought it would be funny to call testicles nuggets so that was a fun one to explain to his preschool teacher.
Passing gas is unfortunately farts… To an 8 years old that’s the best word to say and apparently saying “toots” or “poots” is for his 2 years old sister to say. (oh my bad, I’m sorry I’m so out of touch)
Thank The Lord he will descrectly tell me he has to “number two” or I’d die if he blurted out something like “I gotta take a crap!”. Like his stepdad. Who says it for sh*ts and giggles.
I’d say I’ve gotten lucky thus far, neither of mine will publicly yell about bodily functions, nor am I the mom who has the kid that will yell “WIPE MY BUTT!” I. WOULD. DIE.
Vagina would be front butt or privates, haven’t really discussed penis’s yet.. 🙂 farts=toots, bowel movements =poop or poo
Vagina = hoo ha (or vagina when I remember that my daughter should know that that’s actually what it’s called)
Penis = penis
Peeing = peeing or pee pee (or wet as my daughter points to her diaper)
Passing gas = toots
Bowel movements = pooping or poo poos
Vaginas = Front Butt
Penis = As far as my daughters are concerned, these do not exist and it will remain that way until they are ~29.
Ok, I have to be completely honest and admit that my older daughter calls vaginas Front Butts. But my almost 2 year old pointed to my unkept vagina and called it a Monkey Butt 🙁
In our house (my daughter is 2 y/o) we call a vagina “her bottom” (different than a butt) (this is for now; when she’s a little older I’ll give her the proper word), bowel movements “poop,” and passing gas “tooting.” We haven’t had to have any discussion about penises yet. I’m not prepared to hear my 2 year old say “penis” or “vagina” yet.
Mom to 4 boys here: girl parts, penis (or boy parts if speaking of the whole area), farts (luckily they aren’t very gassy kids!), pee, poop or poo.
After my second son, at about 4 years old, asked if my girl parts were under my “fluffy bits”, I had to get them a kids’ book about boys and girls anatomy to explain things a bit. Hubby and I just about died laughing at the time though.
Vagina- Vagina or peepee
Penis- Wenis (My 7 year old ran out of the bath room and said “I have HAIR ON MY WENIS!” He didn’t, his dad said it was just peach fuzz which lead to him saying “There aren’t any peaches down there!” and now
Balls- Peaches or “the boys”
Peeing-Potty or Peepee
BM- Poopy or poop
Passing Gas-there are so many but here they go-toot, poot, busted a bean (there is actually a little song to accomidate this), pooter scootin, barking spider, “did you hear that frog”…I think that is it. 🙂
Vagina is vagina, unless you’re my 13 year old daughter, in which case, it’s “taco”
Penis is penis (or weiner or thing (as in, “OMG! He was touching his thing!”) for the 13YO)
Peeing is peeing
BMs are pooping
Passing gas is farting or making a green cloud.
According to my 1.5 year old son:
Vagina – nothing needed yet (thank god)
Penis – Pee Pee
Peeing _ Pee Pee or poop
Passing Gas – “Farf” or poop
Bowel movements – poop
Clearly we have to work on differentiating bodily functions.
Vagina, Penis, fart, pee/poo(p). Not very original
In our house
Vagina = J.J.
Penis = Penis (but I have 2 daughters, so it hasn’t really come up)
Peeing = Peeing
Passing gas = Foof
Bowel movements = Poops
We are a little bad about the whole vagina thing, me especially. I call it all “butt”. I know, I need to start using the correct word.
We haven’t really discussed penises a lot except for the one time my youngest told me that the boys had tails. I had to set her straight on that one.
Pee – Pee
BM – Poop
Passing Gas – toots or tooting We talk a lot about tooting in our house. It’s actually pretty wrong how much our family discussions revolve around tooting and who did the tooting.
My 4-year-old asked me what her “browns” were one time. I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about for a bit and then I realized that she meant her nipples. That was a fun discussion.
Here are ours:
Vaginas/penises – pee pees
Passing gas – having a “funny”
Bowel movement – poopy
In our house our 4 year old calls her vagina privates, penis is peanuts because when she first saw her cousins and asked what is was she thought we told her peanuts and so now it’s stuck. Peeing is either peeing or potty. We call BMs gotta go poopy. My 4 year old thinks she needs to give us a description of it afterwards. And farts in our house are toots.
Vagina = Peep
Penis = Boy Peep
Peeing = Making Pee
Passing Gas = Making Toots
Bowel Movements = Making Poops
It sounds much more endearing when my 4 year old says these. “Mommy, I keep making lotsa toots, I might have to make poops soon.”
vagina: vagina
Penis: penis
Peeing: pee
Passing gas: stinky
bowel movements: poop
i agree, fart to me is really crude, and i have a hard time saying it myself, i actually don’t really like that word at all.
Penis–peepee
passing gas–tooting
BM’s–pooping
peeing–tinkling
Vagina–(this will be my ticket, since I’m the only one that has one)–small one sees me getting out of the shower–(horrified voice and face) “Mommy you don’t have a peepee?” “No bug Mommy doesn’t have a pee pee like you and Daddy” “BAHHAHAHAHAA that’s because you have a butt!!! MOMMY HAS TWO BUTTS!!!! DADDY….MOMMY DOESN’T HAVE A PEEPEE SHE HAS TWO BUTTS”
Vagina – girls parts
Penis – Man parts (note that dad insisted this be MAN and not BOY – ok….)
Passing Gas – Farting or Tooting – which he says all the time – in fact, he most favorite question is to ask if you are farting – about 100 times a day everywhere we go. It’s just Great 🙂
Bowel Movements – pooping
Peeing – going potty or peeing
OMG – laughed out loud at work over this one – male cube mate with no children – what are you laughing about?….ummm nothing 🙂
Oh, I wish there were more comments about what to call testicles. I haven’t found the right word yet, and though we call a penis a penis, testicles feels too long and clinical a word. But I won’t be having a toddler talking about his narda…
Penis-boy parts
vagina-girls parts
BM’s- pooping
passing gas- farting, usually Daddy you farted!
I have a home daycare and my daughter was the one who figured out first that boys were different. I was changing a little boy and didn’t latch the door and I swear she made no sound until she was looking over my should saying he looks different. That was just the beginning. The next day I come out of the bathroom and she had asked her little friend to see, which he was more than happy to and kept trying to show her for a week. So we get done with that and a new little boy starts and we are playing outside when it gets really quite I head to the play house when I hear my daughter say “hurry pull up your pants!” oh no not again that is a great thing to tell a new parent at your daycare! Then she bombards daddy as he come out of the bathroom in a towel and asks what is that and points. So he tell her a towel. She says no that and points again, she can’t see him but he tells her a Penis, I start yelling “NOOOOOOOO” he was like what I though you took care of this. I told him I did but I told her boy parts cause I wasn’t ready for my baby to say penis. She of course repeats it back to him “PENIS” and his face confirmed what I already knew, you just don’t want to hear your little girl say that it just sounds wrong to me. She was about three. It stopped after that, the asking the boys to see. It was a fun few weeks.
Love it!!! Wish mine still didn’t know… but unfortunately, she’s 15 and I had to have “the talk”!
Had a friend say to me one day…. “Don’t you hate those people that teach their children to say VAGINA AND PENIS!?” “Oh shit…. you are one of those people aren’t you??” Never let her live it down.
We did say the silly, but more polite, “fluff” instead of passing gas though. 🙂
I’m going to start using these, but not with my kids.
i tried to go with traditional names for body parts but my daughter wasn’t having anything to do with & came up with her own names which shw has been sticking to forthe past 2 years or so.
vagina – butt (& her behind is a bum, so there is a deference)
penis – bat
passing gas – farting or tooting
bowel movement – pooping
peeing – peeing
Vagina
Penis
Poop
Fart, Toot, or “fluffy” (from my husband’s side of the family) We have a lot of words for passing gas because it happens A LOT in our house.
Vagina=Cookie
Penis=Ting Ting
Bowel movement=Poo poo, or poop
Fart=Toot
And I am laughing my ass off as I type all of this in!
OMG I almost fell out of my computer chair!!!! Stink of the wink??? LMAO!!!! That is hella funny!
Vagina = Lady Parts
Penis = The Gentleman
Peeing = Pee Pees
Passing Gas = Toot
Bowel Movement = Poo Poos
We use girly parts, boy parts, tooting, and pooping! I need this book, sounds freaking hilarious!
We are pretty unoriginal.
Vagina – vagina
Penis – penis
Peeing – potty
Passing Gas – tooting
Bowel movement – popping
We are boring, we called what it is…
vagina = vagina
Penis = Penis
Gas= “excuse me, I fart” (yes, we said the whole sentence every time someone farted)
BMs= Poop poop
Vagina=HooHaw (although our four year old got confused quite some time ago and also refers to it s her butt…. it kinda cracks me up, it’s her front butt).
Penis=wang… I dunno, it doesn’t come up much unless I’m harassing my husband with “I can see your wang in those track pants (when he goes to run).
Peeing= “I gotta go PEE PEE!” very urgent cry of my 4 year old. She announces every single time.
Bowel Movement: Pooping, or “I gotta go POO POO!”
Fart: stinky butt or frequently when I pass gas I just say, ” what?” as if I don’t understand what just happened… not indignant but more like “oh, did you say something?” This is much better than the fact that I used to burst into laughter because you see, my husband was the gassiest person I’d ever met in my life for quite some time. So it was kinda like a reward if I were able to pass gas and get him back on occasion… but then he’d ask if I farted and I’d burst into laughter because HAHA I finally got YOU!” But now I just let him know it’s coming… he still deserves the payback.
Clearly we live in a very mature household.
Vagina-vagina. Though my 3.5 year old can’t remember this and he always asks “where my hydrangea is?” Ok, not ALWAYS, but when he brings it up. “You know, where your potty comes from.” Then I remind him that I am a delicate flower.
Penis-penis
BM-poopy
Passing gas-tootie or stink bomb.
Vagina – we have yet to discuss this with our 2-year old but will likely call it a hooha.
Penis – tinker
Passing gas – toot
BM – makin’ poops…or my son will say thru gritted teeth, “I poopin'”
Vagina = Vajayjay
My son calls his privates “The Farm” meaning:
Penis = The piggy
Balls = The chickens
Butt = The cow
(He has an entire song for The Farm as well)
Poop = Dropping the kids off at the pool
Peeing = PeePee
Passing Gas = Tooting (F-word is forbidden)
We have a boy so no need to come up with a name yet for the first one but other wise we are pee pee, toot and pooping!
Vagina = pie, magic hooter (yes, I know – crude, vi-jay-jay (thank you Oprah)
Penis = zipper snake, franks and beans (well, penis and testicles), one eyed vagina-seeking zipper snake, holy family maker, magic carpet ride
Peeing = tinklepots (really?)
Pooping = Dropping the boys off at the pool, dropping trowel, torpedo, and for particularly large poops it’s “What is that? Are you pooping a small kid?”
Passing Gas = flashing, African barking spiders, fluffing (for girls).
Can you tell I’m in a house with all males???????
vagina=punani (caught on after i overhead the hubs say during a diaper change, “Nora, get your hands out of your punani.”)
penis=penis (my 20mo old twins cry whenever they see daddy’s penis–it’s hilar)
passing gas=tooting
bowel movement=stink pickle
Vagina hasn’t come up yet, other than once when explaining why I didn’t have a penis.
Otherwise, we use penis (much to my parents horror), poop, pee/potty and toot. 🙂
vagina: lady bits
penis: man bits
peeing: sprinkling in the potty
passing gas: tooting (or after spending time with her all boy cousins, farting *wince*)
bowel movement: doing your business
Penis–pisser
Vagina-I’m outnumbered in my house with the hubby and 3 boys so my boys think I have a pisser too.
Peeing-pee pee
passing gas-farts
BM-poops
I just laughed out loud (and I’m at work) at the teapot image…. too funny! I like the rule about potty words only in the bathroom. Gonna use that!
2girls 4 and 18mnths
Vagina- weewee
Penis – Peanut (because she has a hard time pronouncing penis)
Peeing – pee, peepee
BM’s – Poop, poopoo
Gas – toot, but apparently my oldest thinks it’s a toot only if you can hear it. She will own those, but when you ask her if she tooted after a “silent but deadly” one she says no and looks at you like you have lost your mind.
We have multi-cultural home, combining German and Jamaican
Vagina= pum pum
Penis= penis
Peeing= wee wee
BM= doo doo
Gas= fluffer
Almost all are poetic right? LOL
For the longest time my oldest daughter referred to her vagina as her “body”. Then when my younger daughter was about two she called it her “giant”.
Penis=Weiner
Gas=The Farter
Poop and pee or just go potty
Vagina and Penis are the correct terms use they use now that they are older.
Vagina – Gina
Penis – Never used the word as our daughters have never asked or known about that body part.
Gas – Toooooot!
BM- Stinkers
Vagina = privates (during a comparative phase the kid dubbed them “flat privates,” but has since gone back to just privates)
Penis = privates (“pokey out-y privates”)
Passing gas = pooting
Bowel movement = pooping
Alternatively to “privates” she refers sometimes to the area between where pee pee comes out and where poo poo comes out as the “baby hole” as that’s where babies come out.
Vagina= vagina
Penis= Twig n berries (My girls’ are 5 and 7, so they started with penis but heard me say this ONCE, just once and it has stuck. You should here some of the things they picked up from daddy, he’s a truck driver)
Peeing= Peeing
Bowel Movements = Poop
Passing Gas = Fart or toot, I’m trying to move them more towards saying toot since my 5yro thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to do so anytime anywhere and announce it even when no one heard it)
Having two small boys, and knowing that as soon as they hit school age, they’ll be learning all SORTS of fun names for things…
Penis: Penis or Weiner. The whole area I refer to as “bits” (IE: Ok, make sure you got all the soap off your bits).
Vagina: I refer to it as my lady parts. I don’t have girls so it doesn’t come up very often, but I had to start closing the bathroom door when Biggest wandered in and asked very politely if I had poop all over the front of me. (Awkward much? “No… can you give Mommy some privacy please? Close the door all the way. ALL the way. Thanks…)
Pee: Pee. I was raised with the dainty knowledge of potty, Little Potty for pee, and Big Pot for poop. I think my children would probably be laughed off the school yard later if they tried that one, so we’ve stuck with the basics.
Bowel Movements: Poop. Same reason as above.
Passing Gas: Fart. I know, it’s crude, but with an all male household and a husband who used to work in a kitchen… That is about as polite as it gets. It does get a little awkward if we’re in a restaurant and Biggest goes “MOM I HAVE TO POOP! NOPE, JUST FART” at the top of his lungs. We’re in the middle of getting him to be more discreet, in case you were wondering. Yikes!
Vagina – vagina, hoo hoo, hoo ha, va jay jay, monkey
Penis – Penis, or weiner lol
Peeing – pee, or pee pee
Passing Gas – fart, fluff, toot
Bowel Movement – poo or poo poo
We say vagina, penis, peeing, tooting and pooping in my house, unless we are joking around and then we say bjingo and shwing schwong like the character from Scrubs.
Vagina, Penis, Pee Pees, Poopies
vagina = haven’t had to use this word yet, penis = pee pee, peeing = potty, passing gas = fart (guess we’re fun in one way) and bowel movement = poop
LOL about the browns!
We say vaginal, penis, peeing or pee pee, tooting or farting and pooping.
Meant vagina lol
I’m amazed at so many people using cutesy words. Not us. Straight talk here – vagina, penis, fart, poop.
That said, if she is around her daddy, she likes ask him if he’s going to “drop a deuce” every time he heads to the bathroom. Because it’s what he says, of course.
And if she sees me change clothes, she tells me, “Cover your junk, nobody wants to see that.” Thanks, kid.
We use the word vagina, but my daughter seems to think its all part of her butt and refers to it that way still. Baby steps.
We have one 5 year old boy. So
Vagina: girls’ privates
Penis: wiener (which turned out to be a mistake bc we now live in Vienna Austria, or Wien Österreich, and people who live in Wien are called Wieners)
Peeing: peeing
Passing Gas: tooting or farting, depending on intensity
Bowel Movement: pooping
Haha! Perfect.
We say va jay jay for vagina. Peepee for penis. Peeing for peeing. Pooping for bowel movements and farting for passing gas.
Yes, my 5yo son peeked at me in the bathroom once and asked if I was peeing from my butt. Lol!
vagina- vagina, although I do like Karen’s va jay jay option
penis- penis
peeing- pee pee or pee pee potty as my son likes to call it
passing gas- tooting
bowel movements- poopy, or for those that escape the diaper, poopocalypse or pooptastraphy
I try to stay as “scientific” as possible – vagina, penis, peeing, farting, etc. My daughter, however, has other influences (ahem, preschool, ahem) and her terms are a bit more creative: “my bum” (vagina), “my bum back there” (her actual bum), “that boy thing that sticks out”, pee-pee, poop-POOP (think of that one with the last syllable being shouted), and fart (usually used in the following way: “Ha ha! That was me! I farted! I fa-a-a-a-art-ed!”)
Vagina: pee pee
Penis: wee wee
Peeing: pee
Passing Gas: fart, utot (“fart” in Filipino/Tagalog)
Bowel Movement: “Do Not Disturb” a recent phrase conjured up by my 9 year old, now his younger sister and little brother are following in his footsteps…otherwise it was just simply “poop”
Vagina: vajayjay or lady part
Penis: peepee or peener
Peeing: pee
Passing Gas: fart
Bowel Movement:poopy, poop, dump
Vajayjay, penis (formerly Colonel Von Furstenberg. Seriously), pee, barking spider (seriously), potty
Vagina
Weiner
Farting
Pooping
Boring but gets the point across! Although my son thinks I have a penis and a vagina. Go figure!
I had this conversation with a friend who said that since we speak French at home even those words sound “beautiful” according to her.
So we say “vagin”, “penis”, “faire pipi” (to do pee pee) “faire un prout” (to pass a puff? “prout” is the sound that’s made, it’s not an actual word) and “faire caca” (to poop). Is that sweet and romantic enough for you 🙂
For us vagina = butt ( they know it is a vagina but for some reason continue to call it that) their bum is, well, their bum.
penis = penis, but my eldest daughter, 3YO at the time, barged in on my husband while he was showering and exclaimed in a sing-songy voice, “Daddy, I can see your ta-il!” And then when my son was born, my daughters were watching me change his diaper; my middle daughter asked me, ” Mom, why does his “butt” look like an elephant?”
Passing gas= farts unfortunately, they will let everyone know when they’ve farted. I have tried unsuccessfully (obviously) to get them to call it toots.
Pee= pee
BM = poop
Penis : Ting-Ting
Testicles : Jiblets
Vagina : Vag
Pee : Tinkle
BM : Shadoobie
Passing Gas : Tooting
Vagina: vagina even though it’s not used often because I have boys and only mention it when they ask to see my pee pee… No mommy doesn’t have a pee pee she has a vagina…
Penis: mostly we call it a pee pee (my 5 year old started saying wee wee and wiener, thanks big brother for expanding the vocabulary to include more wrong names!)
To go pee: its pee pee or tee tee or GO PEE BEFORE YOU WET YOUR PANTS!! Or my fave when potty training my 5 year old “go make the flowers happy! See they’re sad and crying, they need you to cheer them up!”
Passing gas: depending on the mood, company and location it can vary… Poot, toot toot, fart (they like it more than me) or cat poop (anytime my 2 year old smells one without hearing it…) either way, if it makes noise it’s giggled over! I actually have my 2 year old trained, if I toot he says “mommy toot” I then ask him “who tooted?” And he replies “Andy toot” with a smile! (Yep, no need for a dog to blame it on, my 2 year old volunteers!)
Bowel movement: it’s either I pooped, went doo doo or even boo boo. Now upon inspection it’s either that’s a lotta poop or look at that big turd!! Or little poop, tiny turd…
Vagina= puff
Penis= peepee
Balls= marbles
Poop is poop or dropping a deuce (my hubby calls it that and my son picked it up)
Gas= fart or stink bombs
Oh how I LOVE my family!!!
Vagina = Gi-nee (per my son)
Penis = penis
Pee = pee
Bowel Movement = pooping
Gas = toots ma-goots
Vagina: girl parts
Penis: boy parts, pee-pee, or penis (although my husband would like him to call it his “junk” because he thinks it would be funny)
Peeing: peeing
Passing gas: toots or tooting
Bowel Movement: pooping or going poop
Vagina: uhm uhm Vagina but ?I live with all boys so we don’t use this word a lot.
Penis: Penis
Pee: Pee Pee
Bowel movement: poop
Passing gas: We say burp from my bottom! Occasionally I will say fart . . .