Screen shot 2012-06-19 at 12.06.58 AMDear Gisele,

Hiya, friend! Remember me? Your old pregnancy buddy!

We were pregnant at the same time a couple of years ago (both due with our first in December 2009) and now, here we are— together again in 2012!

So exciting, isn’t it?

I have such fond memories of the two of us easily maintaining perfect little baby bumps and laughing at all the other moms-to-be who let their cravings get the best of them.

What did you call those women again?

Oh, that’s right! “Garbage disposals”! Ha! That was HILARIOUS!

I mean, of course, your weight was kept off due to sheer supermodel-strength will power and mine was kept off due to the inability to keep anything down, but that’s neither here nor there— two peas in a pod, we were!

Anyway, I’m sure this time around will be no different. I mean, you started showing in week three too, right?

Second pregnancies are a BITCH, even for Brazilian supermodels, yes???

And yesterday, when I broke down crying to my husband that my pregnancy wasn’t going to be nearly as pretty this time— that in month four, I had already gained more weight than I had gained in the entire nine months COMBINED last pregnancy, that daily prenatal workouts were not an option when you already have a toddler running around the house, that my boobs looked like the size of giant torpedos and NOT IN A GOOD WAY, that my so-called “pregnancy glow” more closely resembled a teenager who had yet to discover Clearasil— the only thing that made me feel better, was knowing that YOU, Gisele Bundchen, my preggo pal, was most likely having the very same conversation with Tom!

You were, weren’t you?

WEREN’T YOU???????

Whaddayasay, Gisele— let’s get together over hot fudge sundaes and curly fries and way too much salad dressing and talk about how we hate going to the gym!

Let’s put on the maternity wear we wore in month eight, TODAY!

Let’s stop messing around with stretch mark creams and just give in to the fact that— NO AMOUNT OF LOTION is going to save us!!!

Honestly, I can’t think of anyone who I would rather share this special time in my life.

Let me know when you are free!

Your pal,

— Mommy Shorts