If you are to believe Father's Day Holiday Gift Guides, all men really want are three things. Things to grill with, things to golf with and things with which to consume alcohol. 

What? You thought I was going to say sex, drugs and rock and roll? Who's your dad? Steven Tyler?

Maybe it's five things. Let's include, things to tell time with and shoes with which to walk around your non-existent boat. 

I would laugh and make fun of these stereotypical options but since Mike is as alpha male as it gets, these are his interests exactly. I am forced to take them seriously. 

Of course, after seven years of birthdays, holidays and anniversaries, I have already exhausted the grilling, golfing, alcohol-consuming, gadget-loving, time-telling, meat-eating, fake-boat-dwelling gifts out there and am left with some less than stellar options. 

Monogramed steak branding irons, drink dispensing golf clubs, and baskets full of assorted BBQ rubs, to name a few.

If I really want to make him happy, there's also the really expensive options. Like, I could buy him a Hawaiian golfing trip, a 55-Inch Cinema 3D LED-LCD HDTV or a BRAND NEW CAR. I bet he'd love all of those! (If he didn't think about the fact that we could no longer afford to send our kids to preschool).

I seriously considered getting Mike a $200 digital weather station that hooks up to your iPad (Mike loves the weather!) but then I thought even he'd think that was crazy. 

So. This year, I'm going to leave the Father's Day Shopping up to someone else. HIS DAUGHTERS.

Yes, they have no money and they can barely reach a retail counter even with the baby on the three-year-old's shoulders but from now on, it's their responsibility.

I'm going to stick to my own dad. I think he could really use a GRILL SET.


What's the best gift you ever got for your husband? (And if it's some sort of sex act coupon, please keep it to yourself.)