Like most toddlers, Mazzy likes books. All books. If she had her way, at bedtime, I would read every book she owns. And probably a few more than once. But since I will only read three and I despise a large majority of the options, book selection becomes of utmost importance to both of us.
I find myself PRAYING that Mazzy will not pick certain books. Books that I have literally fallen asleep in the middle of reading. Books that I suddenly remember I meant to give to Good Will but are still sitting scarily within reach on the shelf. Books that make me want to cut bedtime routine short, dump Mazzy in her crib and run out of the room screaming.
THE SIX BOOKS I WANT TO THROW OUT MY 12 STORY WINDOW ONTO THE STREETS OF NYC WHERE HOPEFULLY THEY WILL GET RUN OVER BY NUMEROUS CARS AND BUSES:
1) Maisy Goes to Preschool, by Lucy Cousins
We only have one book from the "Maisy" series but from what I understand, they are all exactly the same, i.e. they could be written by a second grader. Scratch that. They could be written by a second grader while he/she was simultaneously eating dinner, watching television and solving complex math equations.
If you are unaware of Maisy, she is a rat. And not a very cute rat at that. The book goes something like this:
Maisy goes to preschool. She hangs her coat. She draws pictures. She plays in the playground. How busy she is! The end.
It's only saving grace is that it's short.
2) The Grouchy Ladybag, by Eric Carle
Remember the story from the '90s about the woman who had seizures every time she heard Mary Hart's voice? That's me and "The Grouchy Lady Bug". The tiny type that continually gets larger, the weirdly cut page slivers, the word "aphid", those miniscule clocks, the sometimes black on black writing…
I literally have a physical reaction. The book makes me want to jump out of my skin. Seriously. My heart races and my head feels like it's about to explode. You think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. There is sweating and heart palpitations. It is trying to kill me.
Plus, any children's book that makes it difficult to stack other books on top of it (it's thicker on one end than the other like a looseleaf), deserves to be out of print.
3) The Runaway Bunny, By Margaret Wise Brown
I know most people hate "Goodnight Moon" (also by Margaret Wise Brown) and don't get me wrong, I do too— but the book I really can't stand is the Runaway Bunny. For starters, it's just LAME.
Secondly, I never know what to do when I am reading a book out loud and all of a sudden a page has no words on it. And Runaway Bunny has no words on every other fucking page. Plus the pages with words have tiny boring black and white illustrations while the pages with no words have full color bleed illustrations and I'm forced to say things like…
"And now the baby bunny is shaped like a sailboat and the momma bunny is shaped like the wind and she's blowing the baby bunny's ears because they are acting like the sails on the sailboat that as I previously mentioned is made out of the baby bunny…"
And then I want to shoot myself.
4) Little Red Riding Hood, illustrated by Jane Dyer
This story is just straight up weird. Even my two-year-old wouldn't confuse a wolf for her grandmother just because he was wearing a sleep bonnet and glasses. And this passage totally disturbs me every time:
"The woodcutter caught the wolf and killed him. He quickly opened the wolf's stomach— and out climbed Grandma alive and well!"
Do you know what they do next? They sit down to eat!
And call me crazy, but on the last page, the woodcutter totally looks like he's about to get lucky with Grandma. Little Red Riding Hood is bright red, looking straight at us, silently screaming— "GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!"
5) Any Winnie the Pooh Book, by A. A. Milne
The preciousness of Winnie the Pooh makes me want to vomit. The way they talk, the way they interact, the way most of the characters are all so painfully stupid…
Plus none of the books make any sense, the grammar sucks seemingly on purpose and A. A. Milne has no clue how to effectively end a story.
I actually called my mother to tell her how much I hated Winnie the Pooh and asked why I don't remember reading the books as a kid. She said because she also can't stand Winnie the Pooh and I have never felt so close to her in my life.
6) Eloise, By Kay Thompson
First of all, the book should be retitled as "Shit Rich Toddlers Say". Eloise is a spoiled little shit that I would want influencing my two-year-old just as much as a drug dealing teenager.
Secondly, it feels like the longest book in the history of ever. Like the "War & Peace" of children's books. It's like a cruel joke played on parents who just want to get bedtime over with so they can complete a two hour episode of the Bachelor before they fall asleep.
Thirdly, it is written in the voice of a six-year-old so it has no cadence or rhyme or grammar that hangs together whatsoever. I stumble over words like I just recently learned to read.
I made it through the book exactly once before I threw it behind the bookshelf entirely.
Hopefully, "Maisy" will find it and eat it.
She's back there, too.
———————————-
Alright, your turn. What children's books can you absolutely not stand?
Love You Forever. Creepiest book EVER! On what planet is the mom climbing in and out of the window NORMAL? Creepy.
I loathe all of the Thomas the Train books. Those things are mean, grouchy, and oozing with crankiness. Totally blows my mood each time I read them and I hate to think my boy is picking up any of their “cheekiness.”
Hate them.
Goodnight Moon is a classic so I give it a pass. But the illustrations SUCK. Dreadful. Why haven’t they re-released it with new art? It could be soooooo much better!
I used to think I liked “Fox in Socks” until I tried to read it… GOD it’s long… And I feel like I need speech therapy by the end.
ooh, you’ve got some classics on there, friend! My all time no thank you book is “Love You Forever.” Ohmygod, CREEPY.
If you hate reading Maisy, have you ever seen the show? HORRIBLE. It’s basically narrated, while the characters grunt and coo. The alligator friend is the worst.
Oh, and as Galit said, Love You Forever is beyond creeptastic. The illustration of the mother holding and rocking her grown son gives me nightmares.
Any book that will give me ugly cries such as “the night you were born”. I’ve only heard things about it and haven’t even dared to open it. I agree Love you forever is creeptastic but because of the weepy factor, it’s hidden on our “high” shelf along with a few others.
I’ve found the cheapo books seem to be the most fun and colorful and I don’t know why but I like them to rhyme. Stinky Peter (seriously) is one of Aubrey’s favorites and only her dad reads it because it’s about a boy that farts. Now that’s our kind of book!
Is “Love You Foever” the book where the adult son sits in his mother’s lap? And then doesn’t she die or something?
My cousin offerred me a shitload of books while I was pregnant and I remember going through them at her house, seeing that book, flipping through it, being simultaneously nauseous and depressed and then handing it back to her.
Mazzy had a Thomas book that I gave to my sister’s school. It was beyond boring.
Same illustrator as Runaway Bunny. Clement Herd. I hope he’s proud of himself.
Although you totally made me laugh with your description of “The Runaway Bunny” I must admit that it’s one of my favorites I think mostly because I can remember my mom reading it to me when I was little.
My grandma bought Anna a book written by Gloria Estefan that she is totally obsessed with. The problem? It’s written entirely in SPANISH. While I can somewhat understand what’s going on, I basically have to make up a translation as I go along and that is just too much work at bedtime. She loves it though, always asking me to “read Spanish?”
Perhaps Maisy would be interested in broadening her cultural horizons…
I feel the same about the Lorax. That book goes on forever. And the Cat in the Hat is ten pages too long too. Plus, and I love me some Dr. Suess, but his books kind of push my limits with the “What’s that?” questions.
“What’s that?” It’s a funny looking dog wearing shoes. “What’s that?” It’s a bear eating jelly. “What’s that?” It’s an alligator with a broom. “What’s that?” I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!
I dunno, my husband hates when my little one pulls out the same books over and over, but I love it as she will start to chime in rather than passively listen; right now she likes Berenstein Bears (sp) which I kinda like. Also have soft spot for Dr. Seuss though I had a friend who’s parents haaaaated those books. I suppose all I can offer is, especially after a long day, I hate the long unfamiliar ones and love the short, familiar rhyming ones. Not to rush through snuggles, just the reading aspect. Which does not make me a bad parent, we read every night, but I never stressed reading with my eldest instead I let her naturally grow her love of reading and now in grade three she flies through a chapter book every day or two 🙂
You forgot the Giving Tree aka “Selfish vs. Doormat? Choose Your Most Deplorable Character Flaw”.
Have you read Skippyjon Jones? It’s about a siamese cat who wants to be a crime-fighting chihuahua and it’s mostly english with some spanish. It’s kind of weird and not for everybody (both my husband and my nanny hate it) but I think it’s very fun to read.
That was one of my favorite books when I was little. What was wrong with me???
Go, Dog, Go is the worst. There is no plot.
Big dog, small dog, spotted dog. Dogs in a tree, dogs in a car…ugh.
I gave it to my kid’s preschool because if I had to read that F’er again, I would’ve set it on fire.
I can do the “leave a word out and she’ll fill it in” thing with about 80% of Mazzy’s books. The girl’s got a crazy memory. I love doing it though. Makes reading so much more entertaining.
We have this book called Art about a kid named Art who loves art. The whole thing rhymes and Mazzy fills in the rhyming word correctly on every page until the end. The last line is “Cause Mother loves Art” and Mazzy says “You” instead of “Art” every time. Even though it totally doesn’t rhyme. Makes me smile.
But the dog party on top of the tree looks like so much fun!!! I actually like that book. It was the first book Mazzy knew the title of and she had it almost memorized for a while. I took it out recently though and she doesn’t remember the words anymore.
The Eric Carle Book about Mr. Seahorse. Good LORD that book is SO FREAKING LONG! And OF COURSE my son wants me to read it 80 million times in a row. I’m winded after reading it just once!
PINOCCHIO!! I find it terribly boring with the exception of these parts, which are disturbing to say the least.
‘I pay even more for small boys,” said the coachman.’
and
“He brought boys to a place called Pleasure Island. He said ‘No boys ever return’
WTF! I’m not reading that POS again!
O man. This post is my favorite. I could have written this. The long Thomas books are painful. We have a nice hardback “Thomas gets his own branch line” that goes on FOREVER. I flat out tell Landon I won’t read it. He can open it and look at the pages and kinda “reads” it with “and then james went uh oh”. “Oh no mama. what happened?” He gets what he wants and I don’t have to read the dreadful thing.
I also hate Goodnight Moon (and that is pretty much like bringing up bottle vs breast to some people).
And yes to most Dr. Suess. They are terrible. The cadence is just gone and it makes no sense anyway. And talk about long. UGH
O I could rant on for days. I think I smell a similar post coming soon…
Finally – someone who agrees with me about that book! I find it extremely creepy. Come on – the mother is climbing into her adult son’s house through a window to rock him?
I am totally in agreement with you on “Runaway Bunny”. Also, am I the only one who thinks the whole “I would be the wind and blow you” line is perverted? I have to change the words when I read it to my son because I just can’t say it to my 2 year old! Add to that list: “Stand back, said the Elephant, I’m going to sneeze”, “Silly Sally” and so many more…
I actually love The Runaway Bunny… but I’m about done with Green Eggs and Ham and The Wheels on the Bus. If you’re looking for a good book to read, definitely check out any of the Pigeon books (Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus, etc), they are GREAT!
AH, Runaway Bunny… I remember that from my OWN childhood! There is NO WAY I am letting that book come into my daughter’s – if I hated it back then (actually, I think it bored me more than anything), I am sure I’d hate it even more now!
This is the worst book ever: http://www.amazon.com/Disney-Pixar-Cars-Step-Reading/dp/0736427651/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327589938&sr=1-1
It has literally no plot. It’s about 12 pages of this: “This is Mater. He’s a tow truck.” and then the last page just says, inexplicably, “Go go go!”
I also detest Goodnight Moon (who is that creepy old lady? Why is there a bowl of mush in a child’s room?).
And then we have this book called Animal Alphabet that Hazy loves that has a full paragraph for every letter of the alphabet. Hi, bedtime is not supposed to last 14 hours.
Her book Scuppers the Sailor Dog takes the cake, though.
If you haven’t enjoyed that one yet?
Congratulations.
Anything Dora because it makes you repeat everything like on the show (shoot me), Big Sister, Little Sister is horrible in so many ways I can’t even begin.
And this is exactly why experts agree we should read to our children.
Right?
(Hilarious, Ilana. This post is my new favorite thing to read. Besides Maisy, of course.)
Don’t we all have fears that our mother-in-laws will do this when we get married? Maybe not the rocking part, but yeah.
I love Skippyjon Jones books. It helps that I have 2 of them on CD so after hearing the accents the author had in mind, I’m way better at reading it.
When I read your comment about Red Riding Hood’s Grandma – I may have spewed my water at my computer screen. Give a gal a warning!
Yes that is great! Your post reminded me of something though. Toddler memories are great, but unless they are scret Einsteins they don’t know every word to every book when you hit the longer ones ( like Berenstein bears). So our trick would be, read a repeating book, thn read the longer one – but “read” to the pictures i.e. skip words/sentences on purpose. Which works like a charm until you have TWO kids, and the older one can”actually” read, so rats you out!! Arrrggg ….
I feel so much better, I thought I was being to critical with some of the books we have for my son. I was also feeling like he was missing out on the Runaway Bunny and was thinking about buying it. I will totally pass on that now! I will however read anything Sandra Boynton wrote, but my little guy is going to grow out of those soon!
In another couple of years, you’ll be hitting the Junie B. Jones series. The stories are cute and my kids loved them, but they are written in the voice of a kindergartener whose parents must not have cared about grammar at all. It’s like “I Can Haz Cheezburger” in book form.
Ugh, I so dislike Eric Carle…. Brown Bear, Brown Bear. Polar Bear, Polar Bear. Any book that repeats the same line for 12 pages… ugh!
I actually like The Runaway Bunny, but I’m also a possessive, stalker mom. AND I like Goodnight Moon. Eloise is a book that we bought at a book store thinking – oh hey! how cute! a classic book that we’re not yet overly familiar with!
I wish I had known how freaking long Eloise was. And my son is old enough that he can tell if I’m skipping stuff. I don’t mind how bratty the little girl is because it’s her mom who is the real problem. Don’t think I’ve missed the dropped hints. I shall paraphrase: Mom goes on international trips without me but takes the family lawyer for eight months out of the year. He’s nice and buys me stuff to shut me up about how he and mom are superstars in the Mile-High-Club. I miss her and act out in really annoying ways to get attention.
Any Disney princess book doesn’t even make it through the front door at my house!
I want to throw “Fox in Sox” and “Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You” out the window. They make my heart race!! But in general, I LOVE children’s books (I used to be a 1st grade teacher) and I’ll deal with just about any book that my kids want to read because I am thrilled that they LOVE books, too! We have books EVERYWHERE and don’t just read them at bedtime. My 3 year old has several memorized completely without my help – so cute I even recorded him reading “A Crack in the Track” (my fav Thomas book). Now comes the disclaimer…I am NOT “that mom”…I work full time and my kids stay at school/daycare until I HAVE to pick them up. I suck at crafts and dread any “project” we have to do for school and the craft gifts that people give them (I swear the other moms are just re-gifting!!) But in all honesty, there are really crappy children’s books out there (just like there are crappy adult books), so don’t feel bad if you don’t like some…even the ones that are seemingly popular. One last thing…coming from my “teacher” brain…the idea of wordless pages in books is for kids to just get lost in the picture…ask questions, say nothing, just let their eyes wander and come up with their own ideas of what is going on, so don’t feel like you have to narrate those pages…….just be quiet and count to 5 in your head or let Mazzy turn the pages….you’ll be amazed at what she comes up with or how she tells the story, if you let her…(another book that offers this option is “Good Night, Gorilla” 🙂
I am so with you on The Grouchy Ladybug! I can’t stand that book. It’s way too long and the stupid ladybug just makes me want to punch him in the face for how stupid and idiotic he is. Here is another book that both my husband and I shudder at when our 2 yr. old son brings it to us. The shaped Fire Engine book by DK Books (Dorling Kindersley)….there is hardly any plot and there are silly claymation illustrations. Thank God it’s short. I’m sure I can think of more.
Horton Hears a Who. Think of extreme right wing pro-life protesters trying to set Planned Parenthood on fire. Now, go read that book again and see if you don’t get the crawling heebie-jeebies.
Agree Eloise is a terrible brat. We love ‘Summer’ by Alice Low. The right length, the right number of words per page, rhyme-y and old-timey. Also have you discovered Charlie and Lola? They are awesome!
BEST description I have EVER heard of the hated Junie Bs!
Bionic Bunny Show. My kids LOVE it. Ug.
http://www.amazon.com/Bionic-Bunny-Show-Reading-Rainbow/dp/0316109924
Thank you! Go, Dog, Go is the worst. My husband loved it as a kid, so obviously grandma bought it for our kids. I dread reading that every time, its sooooo long and anti-climactic. They’re all going to a party in a tree? How is that going to work exactly? Ugh.
Ohhhh we love Skippyjon! The ones that make me want to claw my own eyes out are the Richard Scarry books. Specifically, Busytown, where you have to find “Goldbug” and the characters are also painfully stupid. I have fallen asleep numerous times as well.
I hate Goodnight Moon and the one Guess How Much I Love You … with Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown hare… who can actually say that over and over while reading. It is SO obnoxious.
AND…Gus and Sam… I feel like it should rhyme, but it doesn’t which stinks.
Awww, I love the Runaway Bunny. And Goodnight Moon, too. Even if Vivian does ask to read it 20 times in a row.
Could not agree more about The Grouchy Ladybug, though. For all the reasons you said, plus it’s just a really negative-sounding book, IMO. Luckily, Vivian doesn’t like it either. We need to just put it in the goodwill pile.
Back when Vivian was a baby, the staff at my husband’s school pitched in and gave us a whole shitload of books that their kids had grown out of. Among them is this one book, written in 1986, called “Daddy and Me” that has pictures of dads and kids doing various activities together like “eating” and “playing” and “tickling” (but not in a weird way). But it’s totally distracting because of the dads’ 80’s-style clothes and hairstyles. And wouldn’t you know it, Vivian has latched onto that book as if it’s the Second Coming of Lambie. As a result, thanks to my husband’s colorful added commentary while reading it to her, she now knows the word “mullet.”
And yes, this is a blog post just waiting to happen.
Gosh, THE GIVING TREE, to me, is a classic that everyone should have in their home.
Of course, I loved it more than the Kids did.
Even my Grand Kids are too old to read to now, but I still will pick up a Dr, Seuss and smile to myself remembering the sleepy times
“Awww, I love the Runaway Bunny. And Goodnight Moon, too. Even if Vivian does ask to read it 20 times in a row.”
I knew there was a reason I liked you besides the correct spelling of your name.
I LOVE all the Skippyjon Jones books and so do my boys. Claire will too I’ll make sure of it!!!
Plus, I get to break out my Spanish accent! fun stuff all around.
xo
Oh big yes on the hatred for The Grouchy Ladybug. My son loves it, but we groan when he picks it out. My husband and I take turns reading it so one of doesn’t lose our minds. I am not a big fan of Goodnight Moon either. I also dread The Little Engine That Could. The clown is creepy.
For whatever reason my daughter right now loves Ox- Cart Man. I have no idea why but she loves every word. It is so repetitive and boring. I totally agree with Winnie the Pooh, can’t even get through the first few pages with her. Another one is some Loon book that drives me nuts.
Call me old-fashioned, but I’m just not a fan of “Everyone Poops”… because, yeeeeeah.
My son’s in kindergarten and I pulled out “Go Dog Go” because he’s now reading short words and the ones he doesn’t know he can figure out.
Caitlyn prefers to eat her books. She doesn’t have the patience to let me read more than a few pages and then she just starts gnawing on them. But because I’m a terrible mother, she’s obsessed with Enrique Iglesias videos on YouTube and wants to watch those over and over and over again.
The only good thing about “Love You Forever” is the cover with the baby squirting toothpaste, powder and toilet paper all over the bathroom and he’s about to drop a watch in the toilet. Otherwise, the mom holding her grown son is truly creepy. It looks like she drugged him. If you look at that picture, you’ll see that there’s a cat racing to get through the window as if saying “get me the f@#$ out of here!”
By the way, Ninja Mom started a series called “Character Assassination Carousel” in which every month a different blogger butchers a classic children’s story. I was the January hit and I wrote a parody of “Corduroy,” another book that should be banned. “Love You Forever” was the February 2011 hit and “The Runaway Bunny” was March 2011 and the current one is “Llama Llama Red Pajama.”
Ha ha! Finally a support group for people who hate Love You Forever. I got two copies when my son was born and both were immediately donated to our local thrift store.
I love (loved?) Dr Seuss – my son’s nursery was Dr Seuss themed. And then when he turned 3 he wanted to read Green Eggs and Ham over and over. And instead of picking up on the moral of the story being to TRY SOMETHING NEW, all he picked up on was that whatever the hell that thing is hates food as much as he does. Fantastic!
Okay, so has anyone ever read “The Color Kittens”, it’s another Margaret Wise Brown book. MY MIL got it for Rebecca, it’s about these kittens who are mixing paints to create all the colors of the rainbow. It’s all normal kids-stuff, learning about colors, etc — but then at the end, they are so happy that they have the colors, go to sleep, and then have this SUPER TRIPPY dream, kind of made me think of the Pink Elephant scene of Dumbo. What were these authors SMOKING?
Any Curious George book…that monkey disobeys and causes trouble but is somehow always rewarded at the end for his misbehaving.
Also Runaway Bunny includes the words “I will become the wind and blow you,” which is completely not cool in a picture book.
The book More More More, Said the Baby uses horrible grammer and I keep correcting it when I read the book. “Little Guy’s daddy has to run like anything just to catch that baby up.” Huh what does that even mean?
I’m a new Grandmother so I’d love to hear what are the BEST books for 6 months up and those for toddlers. I like this list of books NOT to buy for my little ones. Thanks! Love your blog.
I am a major Dr. Seuss fan, especially Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. When I am doing something with food and the grands tell me they don’t like something, I will say, I do not like them Sam I Am and they know exactly what I’m saying lol. I love how the words just flow off the tongue and I can rip through one of those books in no time.
I read a lot of books while yawning though. And skipping words and sometimes whole pages, oh look that’s all they said on this page! Or I combine sentences because really, way too many words going on here… As for those wordless pages, I will pause and maybe ask the kid a question.
Those books I hated quickly disappeared from the shelf! I remember when my daughter was 2 and her coming at us with her two favorite books and we looked at each other and ran lmao. 🙂
I LOVED Skippyjon Jones so we bought the second one where he pretends to be a mummy. Terrible. Also, getting to explain what a mummy is to a 3 year old is tons o fun.
What I can’t stand are the “Little Miss” books – Little Miss Naughty, Little Miss Sunshine, etc. Are those supposed to be for kids? I’m really not sure. We have several of them that belonged to Ella’s Aunt and I literally hid them all the other day. They’re way too long, first of all, and they all have morals that are completely dubious regarding revenge, mostly.
Ha ha! If my MIL could climb a ladder, she would probably be in my house at all times. Thank God she lives in FL for the winter!
As much as I’m a fan of Dr Seuss, I find Green Eggs and Ham quite a chore to read.
There’ve been plenty of books that I couldn’t wait to return to the library. I’ve weeded out/hidden the ones we own (that I don’t like) over the years, so it’s all good right now. No one makes Mumma read books she’s sick of…
If Maisy were a rat, I’d probably have more issues – but she’s actually a mouse. And yes, the TV show seems weird, but that’s only because in America it’s been dubbed over so it seems wrong to my ears (I’m used to the English one from past experience). I’m not sure why the powers that be decided American kids can’t handle an English accent? They’ve done this for numerous British kids shows.
Oh yes, just remembered how much I hate reading these. Just hate the actual style they’re written in! So long-winded.
My son has The Velveteen Rabbit in a younger, more basic version. While I like the amount of words on each page (for his age) and the illustrations are pretty good, that is the ONLY book he EVER wants to sit down and read the whole thing. BTW, we do only read one book per night. Its not bad (I’d like to get Peter Rabbit by the same illustrator) but there’s only so many times I can say Rabbit in one week. Might I add that my son actual has 3 stuffed BUNNIES (confusing as hell for me to explain that they are actually the same thing)?
Mazzy has a book called “Zombies in Love” that she has recently become obsessed with (It was sent to me by Simon Schuster). There are death puns all over the place and I’m just waiting for her to ask me questions.
I’m not sure I even fully understand what a zombie is.
Mike told me that he tried to skip a few sentences while reading Mazzy her bedtime book and she corrected him, turned the page back and made him do it over. (WE ARE IN TROUBLE!!!)
Based on these responses, I have come to believe I have an abbreviated version of “Go Dog Go”. Ours is a pocket-sized book and reads very quickly.
Can I just say that I don’t get the Eric Carle love at all? The books are so ugly!!!! The stories are boring and the layouts are just annoying.
I have a love hate relationship with Dr. Suess. We have a collection of pocket-sized Dr. Suess books which are all very cute and short. But the regular length books are ridiculously long. And I feel like I am teaching Mazzy a bunch of gibberish. Every time she asks- what’s that? I have no idea. A funny little creature with shoes on, most of the time.
No, I cringe every time I say that. I didn’t put that in my description because I was afraid I was a total weirdo for even noticing. I feel much better now.
We got two pigeon books for Mazzy’s birthday. I love all Mo Willems books. I keep trying to get Mazzy to say “no” to every pigeon request but she doesn’t get it yet.
It’s not a lady! It’s an adult rabbit! Drives me bonkers.
I don’t have any books by Sandra Boynton. I must be missing out!
Glad I saved you a Runaway Bunny purchase.
Sounds awful.
I hate all Eric Carle books except possibly “The Hungry Caterpillar”. And initially I hated that one two until Mazzy memorized the big feast page. That’s the only redeeming part. Otherwise all Eric Carle books are boring as hell.
The book seems like a joke. They can’t possibly think parents will sit down and read all that in one sitting.
Thank you for that tip! I never knew what I was supposed to be doing on those pages. The worst are the books that end on an illustration with no words. Then I am really lost! I will try this tomorrow. Thanks!
I am very happy to hear that there is universal Grouchy Ladybug hate. Of all the books up there, that is my least favorite by far.
Huh. This will make bedtime story time interesting…
No- I’ll have to look into it. I love rhyming books more than anything.
I hate saying “Big Nutbrown Hare”! I had to read that book tonight. Why can’t they just call them bunnies or rabbits?? It’s just confusing.
You should definitely do a blog post on that book. You must include pictures of course.
Awww… I like having a Gramps around here. I loved the Giving Tree when I was little but now it strikes me as very very depressing.
My husband came home last night and immediately suggested to Mazzy that she should get The Grouchy Ladybug so that mommy could read it her. She said no and then he said- how bout Runaway Bunny? The shit. He read my post.
You are the first person to mention my hatred of Winnie the Pooh! I thought people would be all over me for that one.
That is hilarious. Just videos? or does she like pictures of him too?
I read that parody of Corduroy- it was amazing! I’m actually a big fan of Ninja Mom and signed up to do a Character Assassination in February. This post needed to be written as a prelude. Otherwise it would have been impossible to pick just one.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to follow your Corduroy and the Beard Iris’ LLama Llama. You guys were both brilliant.
I find it so interesting that so many books talk about negative behaviors in children. Like in Pinkalicious, they call green vegetables yucky and in Itsy Mitsy, the girl hates bedtime. I find myself thinking- do i really want to introduce problems to Mazzy that she doesn’t currently have?
I think I peed a little,,that post was hysterical! I’m going to have to make a list!
I always get “The Runaway Bunny” mixed up with “Guess how much I love you.” And then I become confused when the plot is not what I was expecting..
okay so I have come to defend winnie the pooh. It’s freaking hilarious. It is a JOKE! A subtle commentary on the insanity of children, and the ridiculousness of language. I would never actually read it to my children, it’s way way way way way too long for that nonsense, but I do enjoy reading it on my own. I’m a literary elite. Obviously.
There’s a parody of Goodnight Moon that my kids found at the library called Goodnight Goon. They love it. And, I’ll add my vote for Love you forever being the creepiest book EVER. Make mental note to throw in trash when I get home from work…
I so agree with you lol