This is going to be an uncharacteristically child-free post. If you want your Mazzy fill, I suggest "Shit Toddlers Say" from yesterday. It's Mazzy at her finest and I worked my ass off on it all weekend.
Today I am going to tell you the story of NINE MOSSY BALLS.
On New Year's Eve, Mike and I went to a wedding. For those of you paying attention, the wedding was where I wore the dress made famous in "Crazy Lady Calls the Cops on Dry Cleaner".
Mike's college friend Brian (you might remember him from "A Single Man's Guide to Being an Awesome Uncle") was in town for the wedding and stayed at our place the night before.
As a last minute attempt at a gift, the three of us decided to pool our resources and get the happy couple something extra nice on their registry. We went online where they had registered at Crate & Barrel. Unfortunately, being that the wedding was the following day, there was only one item left.
NINE MOSSY BALLS. For a total of $14.95.
Our intial reaction was disappointment followed quickly by a collective "THAT'S PERFECT!" That was followed by a brief discussion of whether the $14.95 should be split evenly three ways or split in half between the married couple and the single person.
Ultimately, we ordered the balls and wrote a nice note that said something like:
Don't worry, we also gave them cash. Well, Mike and I did. I can't speak for Uncle Brian.
Wedding was awesome. Blah blah blah. Three weeks pass.
Yesterday, the three of us received the following message from the bride in our facebook inbox (please keep in mind, the groom was one of Mike and Brian's best friends from college but we have only met the bride a total of three times):
And since Mike and I are invited to a dinner party at their place next Saturday night, I quickly wrote back:
After laughing a good laugh, reading her message to a few co-workers, and spending the next twenty minutes anxiously awaiting my husband's response to the exchange, this happened:
And if that wasn't enough, about an hour later, this:
Long story short? I really like Mike's friend's new wife.
That is hilarious! I mean come on who would’nt want mossy balls? But wait there is only 9? that’s not right, somebody forgot one! You better tell Mike to give ’em up, he can’t hold on to his manhood forever (atleast that’s what I tell my hubby)
I just love people with a great sense of humor. 🙂
And it’s always wonderful when people appreciate your balls.
So great! I’m snorting away. Here’s a post I cannot top with a kooky comment. Here’s to balls!
As long as you can all speak the language of balls, it’s all good.
Hahaha!
I want to be Mike’s friend’s wife’s new friend. Please.
I need friends like you guys!
Balls bring people together.
Crying, I am just crying!!!!!!!
OMG, I was also crying… I have got to stop reading this kind of stuff at work!
That’s awesome! And now I’m hungry for balls (Mozzarella, since I’m a vegetarian, but not vegan) and nuts (Any kind except Brazil. Those make my gums swell.).
Those are for sure the best wedding gift I’ve ever heard of – until they have kids. Then those balls will be hidden on the highest shelf. (Speaking from experience as one with balls in her own home). Hilarious.
hee hee. is she on twitter? does she want to hang out?
I love it!!!!!
Hilarious! It is always good finding new friends that get your humor. It makes life better and more enjoyable.
Yes! You simultaneously provided me with great entertainment this morning AND the perfect gift for every wedding I’m ever invited to from now on, if only so I have something good to write in the card. Thanks!!
Seriously, I want to be Mike Wilson’s new stalker. And HJ married well.
I love that all three of you went in on this gift. It’s perfect. I predict this will be included in Bridesmaids 2! Everyone will go in on a gift that will help the groom grow a pair!
Hilarious! Up there with SNL’s scwetty balls skit with alec baldwin. I like her friend Mike Wilson too! He seems like a good time! xx, alison @crushworthymoms
It’s great to have like-minded people around. And what? She didn’t hand write this note. Tsk tsk. 😉
Oh man, talk about LMAO, and at work! I’m sitting here like an insane person just laughing to herself. I kept thinking of the Schwetty Balls too!!! You’re awesome.
I can’t believe someone hadn’t nabbed those balls before you guys.
Lucky!
Also, how much cash did you give them?
Just kidding.
You crack me up hard AND I love the new wife, too. Be sure to feed Mazzy lots of orange food before driving to their house next Saturday for dinner.
(Wait. It just occurred to me that two-year-olds are probably not invited. You know. Because of all the balls. Two-year-olds are notorious ball-haters. Right?)
You’ve got big balls, they’re dashing big balls – he’s got big balls, and she’s got big balls, but we’ve got the biggest! Balls of them all!!
Until I wrote this post, for some reason i thought there were only three which in my head made it even funnier.
I have never understood Brazil nuts. Everyone avoids them in nut mixes.
Yes, there are no kids to be found at their house.
I’ll ask her. Right after some ball fondling.
My pleasure!
He is kind of cute, right? Of course, I’m only going by a 1″X1″ avatar.
Ha! The Thank You note police! I knew they would find me sooner or later.
Mazzy will be staying with grammy and since they live in Connecticut, we will be staying over their house for alcohol consumption purposes. More ball fondling time!
I just had to google that. Maybe we’ll play some AC/DC at their place on Saturday.
Mike Wilson IS indeed cute…and available ladies. Find him on FB!