I really wanted to make my first post of the New Year as epic as last year. Do you remember last year? I posted a video of Mazzy called “Life So Far” and it remains my finest work to date. I started to make a video of Mazzy’s second year but the thing about the second year is that a lot of shit happens. So. I need an extra day or two for editing purposes.
In lieu of my amazingly awesome video that does not yet exist, I’d like to talk about New Year’s. Not New Year’s Day. Or New Year’s Eve. But New Year’s Eve Eve. Why? Because that would be the day when I called the cops on my dry cleaner.
Have you ever had a moment where you knew you seemed absolutely certifiably insane but you felt so justified in your actions that you threw all sense of decorum out the window and risked potential jail time?
That was me on New Year’s Eve Eve at the dry cleaner.
I am not proud of the story I’m about to tell but here’s what went down.
I tried on my dress the day before New Year’s and noticed it had a chipped jewel on the front. The jewels go all the way around the neckline so I figured I could switch the chipped one with a good one from the back and vice versa.
I show the woman at the dry cleaner and she says no problem, gives me a ticket for $8 and tells me to pick it up in an hour.
When I return, I find she did a shoddy job. She didn’t even use the same color thread. But, I figure with all the sparkliness, no one will notice and let it go.
I put a twenty on the counter to pay for it but then notice the chipped jewel on the back is misaligned and white thread is coming out everywhere.
I ask if she can neaten it up.
She says she can’t.
“Because it’s broken.”
“I know it’s broken but it can still be sewn evenly with the other jewels.”
We go back and forth a bit. There is no yelling and I honestly don’t realize we are in an argument.
Then a couple of customers come in.
“I’m not dealing with you anymore,” she says.
Then, before I can blink, she snips the chipped jewel completely off the back. As I go to retrieve it, she snaps my twenty from the counter and puts it in the register.
“Excuse me, but you can’t take my money when you haven’t finished.”
“I did what you asked me to do.”
“If that’s true then how come I am holding the jewel in my hand?”
She ignores me, closes the register and begins to address her next costumer.
“Even if I agree to pay for this, which I am not, the ticket says $8. You’ve taken $20.”
She opens up the register, puts a five on the counter and says, “Here’s $5.”
Now I admit, I acted fast and without thinking, but my first instinct was to go up to the register and get the twenty back myself.
She proceeds to swat my hand away and then, as if watching myself on an epsiode of COPS, I swat her back. There is half a second of crazy back and forth swatting of which I don’t think either one of us wants any part of.
(WHAT IS HAPPENING???? For the record, I have never hit another person in my life.)
We both start screaming at eachother. I am not quick on my feet in screaming matches and usually make the mistake of skipping straight to cursing which NEVER EVER HELPS.
“You either give me back my money or fix my FUCKING dress!!!”
She continues to service other costumers as I continue to completely lose my mind.
Also. Remember how I lost my voice? Yeah, well, that only added to how insane I must have sounded.
“You know why you don’t have a voice…” the woman laughs.
“FUCK YOU LADY!!!!!”
Yes, I was out of my head. But also 100% right. (Right?)
“If you have a problem, call the cops,” she says.
And so I did.
“Ummm… this isn’t really an emergency and I know this sounds ridiculous but I am not leaving this dry cleaner until the woman either gives me back my twenty bucks or fixes my dress.”
I then had to sit in the store for an hour waiting for the cops.
“Hi Honey, I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
“I thought you just went up the street to get your dress from the dry cleaner?”
“Yes, that was the plan, but now I am waiting for the cops.”
Long story short— cops come, get our stories, tell the woman to give me back my money or fix the dress, she chooses to fix the dress and then I go home.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION #1: DO NOT WASTE PEOPLE’S TAX DOLLARS IN 2012.
Okay. So now I want to know if anybody else has had a moment where their actions made them feel totally insane but they also felt like they had no choice but to act on principle??
For instance, Alyssa from Near Normalcy told me that some set of wrongs happened at Costco making her feel totally justified in stealing pizzas and soda. Do tell Alyssa, do tell.