If you haven't already heard, the Duggars are preggers with child numero twenty. See? It's such a big number, I can't even count that high in Spanish! And I can't wait to hear what "J" name they welcome into the world next. Jackalope? Jheaven? Juicey Juice? So few possibilities left!

For the most part, people seem to think Jim Bob and Michelle are batshit crazy. I disagree.

I know last week I published a controversial guest post that basically said having four kids is akin to turning your house into a garbage dump, but I think things turn around for the better once you hit the magic number twenty. For one thing, think about how many hands you have to carry that garbage out of your home and into your neighbor's yard! 

And that's not the only thing forty hands can accomplish…


1) You can open up that sweatshop you always wanted!

2) One is bound to become a doctor or at the very least sell an internet start-up to Google.

3) The kids can pool their allowance to pay for their therapy.

4) Being in a constant state of pregnancy is a great excuse to eat for two, never work out and put your husband permanently in charge of "getting you things". 

5) You can feed the little ones to the older ones when you are too tired to cook.

6) You don't have to waste time deciding on a name— just use them all!

7) By the time your youngest gets the eldest's hand-me-downs, you can call the clothes "vintage".

8) Once you use up standard tasks like "do the dishes" and "sweep the floor", your chore chart can include fun things like "alphabetize my nail polishes" and "reshingle the roof with colored construction paper" just to fuck with them.

9) If you forget to buy a friend a birthday gift, you can always wrap one of your children as back-up.

10) You can donate one to science.

11) You can use the combined cost of college as a guaranteed source of comedy. You'll KILL at cocktail parties!

12) It's easy to fend off the obesity epidemic when there is never enough food to go around.

13) By the 20th, you can probably just pull the kid out with your own hand.

14) When the apocalypse comes and people start using poop-stained onesies as currency, you will rule the world!

15) Instead of investing in wall-to-wall carpeting, you can just instruct all your children to lie on the floor.

16) You have a fear of being alone, specifically on the toilet.

17) You can join the circus and just stand there.

18) You have several chances of forming successful girl or boy bands within the family.

19) You can homeschool your kids to take on career choices advantageous to the family; i.e. doctor, lawyer, accountant, personal trainer, hair stylist, TLC executive, etc.



Feel free to add to the list. It's fun!