If you haven't already heard, the Duggars are preggers with child numero twenty. See? It's such a big number, I can't even count that high in Spanish! And I can't wait to hear what "J" name they welcome into the world next. Jackalope? Jheaven? Juicey Juice? So few possibilities left!
For the most part, people seem to think Jim Bob and Michelle are batshit crazy. I disagree.
I know last week I published a controversial guest post that basically said having four kids is akin to turning your house into a garbage dump, but I think things turn around for the better once you hit the magic number twenty. For one thing, think about how many hands you have to carry that garbage out of your home and into your neighbor's yard!
And that's not the only thing forty hands can accomplish…
20 REASONS HAVING 20 KIDS IS A BRILLIANT IDEA
1) You can open up that sweatshop you always wanted!
2) One is bound to become a doctor or at the very least sell an internet start-up to Google.
3) The kids can pool their allowance to pay for their therapy.
4) Being in a constant state of pregnancy is a great excuse to eat for two, never work out and put your husband permanently in charge of "getting you things".
5) You can feed the little ones to the older ones when you are too tired to cook.
6) You don't have to waste time deciding on a name— just use them all!
7) By the time your youngest gets the eldest's hand-me-downs, you can call the clothes "vintage".
8) Once you use up standard tasks like "do the dishes" and "sweep the floor", your chore chart can include fun things like "alphabetize my nail polishes" and "reshingle the roof with colored construction paper" just to fuck with them.
9) If you forget to buy a friend a birthday gift, you can always wrap one of your children as back-up.
10) You can donate one to science.
11) You can use the combined cost of college as a guaranteed source of comedy. You'll KILL at cocktail parties!
12) It's easy to fend off the obesity epidemic when there is never enough food to go around.
13) By the 20th, you can probably just pull the kid out with your own hand.
14) When the apocalypse comes and people start using poop-stained onesies as currency, you will rule the world!
15) Instead of investing in wall-to-wall carpeting, you can just instruct all your children to lie on the floor.
16) You have a fear of being alone, specifically on the toilet.
17) You can join the circus and just stand there.
18) You have several chances of forming successful girl or boy bands within the family.
19) You can homeschool your kids to take on career choices advantageous to the family; i.e. doctor, lawyer, accountant, personal trainer, hair stylist, TLC executive, etc.
20) INSTANT REALITY SHOW RENEWAL!!!!
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Feel free to add to the list. It's fun!
reason #21 make OctoMom and Kate Gosselin look normal, someone has to
Awesome. And I couldn’t even come up with one reason 😉
Seems to me #5 makes more sense if you feed one of the big ones to all of the little ones. Otherwise it’s several pregnancies wasted to feed a teenager, rather than sacrifice a teenager for the good of tiny loveable creatures, all spaced 9 months apart.
Haha, awesome reasons!!
Another reason to have 20: chances are, one of them will make millions with a spin off show about how screwed up they became from being just a measly one out of 20.
They could call the 20th Duggar, Jagger. Jagger Duggar. A real, reality TV show name.
My uterus hurts just thinking about it.
#21 – You never have to worry about how nursing the first one destroyed your perfect rack because it re-inflates a few months later with the next pregnancy. And the next one. And the next one.
I guess the more kids you have the better your chances are that one of them will become rich and take care of you for the rest of your life.
Love it!
OMG number 5!! Hahahaha!
Really, I still can’t come up with ONE reason..
Okay, you’ve convinced me it’s totally worth it. Wonder if I still have time…
Like any of these kids have been raised to do anything other than work for their dad in small time dodgy businesses (the boys) or become slaves and mothers (the girls). Perhaps the thought of #11 was what drove them to raise a bunch of low-achievers.
Reason #22 because I think you got a lot of options for #21 already – if you lose one chances are nobody will really notice, and if they do you can probably cover your ass for a while at least.
That is an awesome list. Looks like I need to have lots more kids.
Makes those Sister Wives moms look like slackers — takes four women to have 17 kids ? Lame. Mrs. Duggar just says, “Naw, I got this.” No assistance necessary.
Your list is disgusting and offensive. The Duggars support themselves, help others, and raise their children to be responsible members of society. I wish more families did this, rather than modeling nasty behavior like you do.
Love #7!
I’m too disgusted by the news to add to the list. And I don’t buy The Duggars’ innocent “God has blessed us” act. I think they know exactly what they’re doing and they keep doing it for media attention. Therefore, I’ll be glad when God blesses her with menopause.
As for yet another “J” name, I think they should go with “Jeez-Louise.”
hahah #13! awesome list!
That is awesome! Inflatable racks 🙂
HA! Awesome list!
Haha Kristin!! Jeez-Louise!!! Good one!
I just think it’s crazy: it’s reDuggarous!!
Aren’t you modeling nasty behavior by leaving nasty comments? Just sayin…this is a fun site if you don’t like it you don’t have to read it.
The Duggars use religion to manipulate and abuse their existing children while continuing to pop more out. (Seriously. Go check out Gothardism and Quiverfull philopshy. These children are not allowed to have childhoods or display anything other than a “cheerful countance”)
They have sold their children to reality tv.
And they are willingly risking the life of their unborn baby (which is ironic considering how “pro-life” they are), as well as running the very real risk that the other 19 children will be motherless. Did you know that there is a 60% chance that Michelle Duggar will develop Pre-E again before 28 weeks gestation?
Their behaviour is what is disgusting and offensive.
As is the mindless defense of it.
I don’t call popping out 20 kids you can’t manage without drafting your older ones into service good parenting.
Jergens? Jemima?
I bet the first 4 were hard but then you start to apply the concepts of economics and each
subsequent child costs less and is less work. I can’t imagine two right now, but Hell, if I had all those live-in workers, I could imagine 20.
I bet at 25 you start to get diminishing returns as the older ones fly the nest.
I read that the Duggars have used an estimated 90,000 diapers. This can’t be good for the world.
Imagine the tax write off… holy cow. I have three kids and usually get a nice refund.
In my world there are zero reasons to have 20 children. Nada.
Please don’t attack what is obviously good fun. Or if you want to, do it nastily on your own blog. Let us ‘disgusting and offensive’ enjoyers have a good day reveling in the psychosis of why someone would want to do that to their body 20 times. Just because we enjoy making fun doesn’t mean we don’t support ourselves, help others, and raise our children to be responsible members of society. My children just have a wicked sense of humor as well.
Elyse, you can’t possibly be serious! TLC supports the Duggars by letting them exploit their (way too many) children.
#5 is HILARIOUS! But it is so incredibly irresponsible of her to do this, to her children, to herself, and to this baby, given the obvious health risks. Why aren’t any of the prolife republicans who don’t want to pay taxes complaining about how much this pregnancy is going to cost tax payers when her next kid has to come out at 28 weeks and be in the NICU for months, at a cost of several thousand dollars a day?
Hilarious! You know what annoys me the most I think is the fact that they’re all so PERFECT. I have to give the parents (ahem, the older daughters) credit, they’re raising their children to be good people. But at least Jon and Kate were real, ya know? DYSFUNCTIONAL. “Real” people couldn’t handle 20 kids.
this thread is the best ever. My husband was deployed in Afghanistan when I got hooked on their show. I mindlessly admired how they were raising their kids a lot like my parents raised THEIR 7 kids… until I thought about how I looked at life my entire childhood/teenagerhood/young-adulthood: Dad is my owner/master, and someday I will “fall in love” with a man who will ask my dad if he can own me next, dad will pass the responsibility of me on to another man, and I will raise MY little girls the same way I was raised: To properly wash a table without throwing crumbs on the floor, to wash dishes, to cook food on a little budget for lots of hungry little mouths, and to cheerfully patch holes in socks.
I’m glad I eventually figured out that I can be a wife, a mom, AND a successful college grad…if I don’t keep popping out kids as if my genes are superior to all others. These people are using their older kids for labor and forcing teen-aged young women to be mothers to children they didn’t have and should not be forced to be responsible for.
Pro-lifers like these people should get their freakin tubes tied and ADOPT one of the millions of hungry little mouths that are already brought into the world and are unwanted. That would be a really Christian thing to do. Save the abortions. Adopt babies instead of over-populating.
I think they should go with JWoww. It’s gender neutral, has pop, and brings together 2 completely different, yet flabbergasting reality shows.
You can get away with accidentally calling your children by the wrong names on a regular basis well into your senior years with no one really thinking you are senile.
Word, Brianne. Elyse, sometimes the funniest things are the most controversial. It would be boring if mommy shorts wrote things like “the Duggars might have a lot of children but they must be nice people.” Sometimes finding the story is what makes life interesting.
#21 You can eff with people by having uncles and aunts be younger than their nieces and nephews. The first rung of the family tree won’t even fit on one sheet.
The Duggars kids may be great children, there is no arguing that, but do they get to spend equal time with their parents? (No, trips to the grocery store don’t qualify as quality time spent together one-on-one). Is it really fair that the eldest daughters look after the children while Mommy Michelle is preoccupied with one of her newborns? What about Josie who now has serious medical conditions as a result of her premature birth? What will happen if Michelle develops another life threatening condition during pregnancy and DIES? How would that effect her 19.5 children? What else have they been taught in life other than to be Christian, handy men, and house wives? Most importantly, how have the Duggars effected your sense of humour…or lack there of?
I have to admit that my husband said #13 after I told him. “So they don’t have to go to the hospital or have a midwife or anything, right, she can just push and pull it out her damn self then say here, hold this, to one of the older ones.”
I TOTALLY agree with the diapering comment you made…I keep saying that I wouldn’t care all that much if they used cloth. But I probably would anyway.
Yeah, if you want to be pro-life, go ahead and BE pro-life…adopt a child (there are plenty of kids right here in the US who would LOVE to have a house full of brothers and sisters). Give one of those children a life. I would much rather watch a show about someone who adopted 20 kids than one about some God crazy couple who are addicted to having babies and the attention that goes with it.
The planet belongs to ALL of us, not just them.
I love my three kids and would gladly have had more if I could have afforded to, however 20??? That is certifiable crazy. As someone else said, adopt! We get it that you can birth a baby or 20. Lots of women could, but they don’t because they know how unneccesary it is. How downright greedy and irresponsible it is. Admittedly great for ratings though, kind of like Kim K’s divorce.
From looking at the photo, it looks like they’re managing to support their tribe by making them beg for money as street musicians. They place a separate string quartet on every street corner of an intersection, while the harpist, toddler, baby, and infant-to-be can perch themselves in the center of the intersection directing traffic and pointing out the path to God. They’ll make big bucks if the voices in their heads tell them to move to New York City.
Ha! Juicy juice! Good one! What assholes…..
Omg can you imagine what a difference they could be making to a serious number of children’s lives right now if they were adopting or even just fostering some of the kids that are in need in their area? It breaks my heart.
My name vote goes to “Jackhole”. Love this list!
I think the funniest and most offensive response to this has been a tweet: “Michelle Duggar must give one toothy-ass blow job.”
That’s true. Also— the teenagers are about to go to college so major savings there!
Perfect. Sign me up for pregnancy from now to eternity.
If Jesus is on your side, you will have all the time in the world.
But no one will really notice, you mean the parents themselves, right?
The medical issue is really concerning. Why would she put herself and her whole family at risk like that?
I think there is something deeper at work here. It can’t just be media attention with all the medical risks involved. It’s got to be pure insanity.
Just start training them as soon as they can stand. Here’s a scrub brush, there’s a toilet— get to it!
There should laws against such things.
#23. To test the acting chops of the Today Show hosts each time you arrange an appearance to make a BIG announcement.
I cannot understand why someone would want to have that many kids but perhaps she would not understand why I need to send my kids to their grandparents for the weekend once every six weeks.
Can’t deny though that they are a great source of amusement, and apparently some controversy.
I’m offended that you’re offended. You obviously wouldn’t know a joke if it slapped you in the face.
Look at all of the little violins! Love it!
My, my…what happened to my body, my choice?