Mazzy loves when Mike and I hug and kiss. It's very cute. But then, one day, Mike gave me a random hug and Mazzy yelled, "Kiss!" So we hugged and kissed. Then she yelled, "Again!" So we hugged and kissed again. And then she yelled, "Now lie down!"
Which was totally weird and put an abrupt stop to the public display of affection.
But that's nothing compared to this:
Whenever Mike or I come home from work, Mazzy demands we remove our jackets immediately. Something about knowing that we are staying put for awhile, I'm sure.
So the other day, Mazzy and I were having a little dance party in the living room when Mike walked in the door. Mazzy (always super excited when Mike gets home) screamed, "Dance Daddy Dance!" So Mike, being the good father that he is, danced over to join us in the living room without taking off his jacket.
Then Mazzy yelled an additional request.
"Take it off! Take it off!"
So Mike is dancing while simultaneously trying to shimmy out of his jacket and Mazzy is screaming "Take it off! Take it off!" and all of a sudden I'm like—
"NO NO NO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!!!!!!"
It was WRONG. Just wrong.
But if you think that a child mistaking her father for a stripper is the ultimate in "Parental Awkwardness", you're in for a treat. Because nothing beats a child accidently drawing a picture of her mother as a stripper and handing it in for school. YES. Check out the bit of awesomeness below.
Note: I have no idea how long this has been around but I just discovered it.
Anyone else have any parental stories of awkwardness?
Alternative question: Do you think that drawing is for real?
bahaha! This was definitely worth the insomnia
Hahahahaha!!!! Thanks for the laugh. And that drawing just killed me.
All I will say is that my kid is almost 8 can’t write that clearly yet, but she hasn’t drawn people that look like that for a good few years…
Also – wait until your kid sees a cross-dresser for the first time. In the elevator of your building. And asks you why that man is dressed like a lady at only the second floor, when there are 12 more to go before you can get out.
You made my morning…and my coffee come out my nose. Thanks for the giggle!
Hilarious – and you should totally regale her with this tale when she’s a teenager. Maybe do it when her prom date comes to pick her up. 🙂
The mental image of Mike dancing while simultaneously trying to shimmy out of his jacket made my entire morning. That Mazzy was yelling, “Take it off! Take it off!” at the time is just icing on the cake.
And whether that picture is real or not, it’s hilarious. Sort of like a remedial Rorschach Test!
Just this morning I had a conversation with my oldest son about eye balls which led to us talking about glass eye balls. I am sure that is going to come back to bite me.
Woah – Mike dancing and stripping at Mazzy’s request? Mental image = priceless. And yeah i think that pic is fake but i’m sure some kid out there has drawn something similar. Perhaps a young Minka Kelly?
“Now lie down!” Hahahahah – that is awesome.
When I was a wee tot (so the legend goes)we were visiting my grandparents and I got into the magazine rack.
Apparently, Grandpa liked his Playboy (for the articles) which was no big deal because I was only 15 months old or so.
Then I started flipping through the pages and pointing: “There’s Mommy. And there’s Mommy. And THERE’S Mommy!”
Needless to say my mother was both horrified and flattered and Grandpa had to cancel his subscription.
My daughter is the exact same way! Well, she was anyway, now that she’s gotten older the subject has become voodoo because of her friends at school so she is more embarasses, but when littler she loved us to kiss, and hold hands, etc.
Also, the photo? I don’t know where it came from, but it is awesomeness!
Don’t care if it’s real or not, it gave me a good morning laugh and that’s all that matters to me! 😉
I think it might be real. I have one of those weird drawings you hope never surface. Thankfully my son drew it for his Sunday school teacher who is a good friend of mine and knows my son and his quirks very well or we may have had to have had a talk with someone.
made. my. day.
(I do nothing but sit around and wait for this sort of thing to come home. My 5 yo has already commented on the tiny nipples of two–yes TWO men at the pool)
That just made my day….too funny!
I don’t care if its real – its damn funny.
That was amazing. Every bit of it. I snorted every time I scrolled down! Well done.
don’t know if the picture is real or not, but I work for home depot and we had that up in our break room for a good 6 months! We thought it was hillarious because sometimes it feels like you could stand there and sell that last shovel to the highest bidder…
You know when you get done being a Creative Director and an uberblogger … its good to know you have the makings of a pole dancer.
When I was little, I told people once that my Mom was a good scrubber. Yes, even then my anal nature appreciated an immaculate home – sadly, in England, a scrubber was a hooker!)
This is hysterical! I can’t even come close, but recently my 5-year old drew a picture of SpongeBob with a very long dangling penis. Of course my husband and I suspected that it was probably something else, so we asked him what it was. “SpongeBob’s tie.” Well of course it was. Duh!
Let’s see….how about the time my 5 year old barged into our bedroom in the morning, with her little brother following, right after we had just indulged. She stopped dead, sniffed the air and hollered as we hastily covered up, “why does this room smell like privates?!”
Loved your stories lol, kids really keep us on our toes. I love when they start talking, the things they come up with are hysterical. And tact is nowhere involved! Think it, say it, no pausing. Keep this in mind, there will be more in your future. Hehehe.
Best. Drawing. Ever. You can’t make that stuff up. You just can’t.
That picture was awesome! Simply awesome. For our story – I think I told this before but bears repeating. Seven year old at dinner table “Let’s play the rhyming game! I’ll go first. Things that rhyme with ‘or’. Whore”. Dead silence from husband and I. Child confused. “You know – whore. Like the movies Daddy likes to watch!” Dead silence deepening, husband starting to look like he is going into shock. “You know!! Like the movies that are too scary for me!!” “Oooohhh … you mean HORROR!!” Peals of (very relieved) laughter. “Yeah … what did you think I meant??”
Once I smiled for days because my oldest, then 4, looked at the beauty on the cover of Runners World that month and said look Mommy that’s you! Squueeeee
Then, the next month I randomly bought something like Redbook with Paula Deen and he said the same. Damn. Thing.
i was referred to your blog by a lovely blogger named lisa. you have a wonderful blog, and so many awesome posts! your family is absolutely precious. following you now. i’ll try facebook and twitter also. 🙂
have a fantastic rest of the wknd!
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.
When I was about 5 we stopped to visit friends of our family as we traveled across country. Bill was a bit older than my dad and had some significant male pattern baldness. The whole family was hanging out in the yard and Bill was bent over working on his lawn mower. I walked over and rubbed my little hand across the top of his head and asked, “Bill, who cuts your hair?” One of many moments that made my mom want to crawl under a rock. And btw… the mother’s curse works. I now have 7 children “just like” me!! There are WAY too many awkward and embarrassing moments to write about in this comment!
When I was in kindergarten my Papa owned a trucking company, and one of his routes was a section of the city called “Hooker Alley”, well, one day in school my teacher asked me wheat my Papa did for work and I answered “He works on Hooker Alley” needless to say my poor, mortified Nan was called in for a “meeting”. 🙂
Holy hell I am dying! This is one of my new favorite posts of yours.
I totally see the shovel now, but at first I definitely mistook it for a stripper pole.
My favorites were when my three year old asked me “why is that man made of chocolate?” and “Why are her feet so wrinkly?”