Two weeks ago, I shared photos from my childhood and asked everyone to submit their own throwback photos for a contest sponsored by Munchkin. I wanted to contrast how different parenting is today from how parenting was back in the 70s and 80s. Not only did our parents have to make due without Miracle 360° Cups and Arm & Hammer scented diaper pails, most of them didn’t even have car seats or a respectable fashion sense!

Looking through the photo submissions, it became more and more clear. All our parents should be in jail.

Here are 30 things our parents did that should have been totally illegal:

1) They let us ride bikes without helmets

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2) They let us ride bikes without helmets naked

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3) They used us to improve their television reception

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4) They didn’t care if we lost our fingers

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5) They sent us into alligator infested swamps with nothing but a tube and a paddle

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6) They forced us to all wear coordinating t-shirts

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7) They made us ride in the trunk with guns and dead animals

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8) They carted our high chairs around the house with a dolly

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9) They dressed us in Underoos like it was outerwear

10) They forced us to go to Brownies against our will

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11) They stuffed our play pens with bears large enough to suffocate us

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12) They trapped us in walkers on wheels and let us loose in split level homes

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13) They let us go roller skating in rainbow colored latex onesies

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14) They propped our bottles with pillows so they wouldn’t actually have to hold us

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15) They filled our bottles with apple juice

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16) They let us drink soda

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17) They let us relax with a beer

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18) They let us drink beer straight from a keg while wearing nothing but a diaper

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19) They cloaked us in dead animals

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20) They made us get matching bowl cuts

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21) They bought us toys that doubled as fire hazards

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22) They let us swing so long we lost circulation in our legs

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23) They called this a car seat

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24) They attached our car seats with rope

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25) They threw those “car seats” in the front seat

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25) Car seats? WHO NEEDS CAR SEATS???

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27) They thought four kids hanging out the back window of a station wagon was a great idea

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28) They piled us all in the back of a pick-up

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29) They didn’t use bouncer straps correctly

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30) They didn’t Use bike seat straps at all!

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31) They gave us Ogilvy Home Perms

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32) When they weren’t giving us mullets

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33) They let us pet real life lions

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34) They smoked while they were holding us

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35) They let us smoke

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36) They dressed us like retired kindergarten teachers

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37) They took us on boats without life jackets

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38) They filled our cribs with every flammable object imaginable

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39) They thought introducing solids meant a slice of pizza

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40) They let our older siblings drag us from their bicycles by a long rope down a main road

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41) They put us in outfits like this and called it easter

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Seriously— How the hell are we all alive and well today??? Luck, I think. Pure luck. That, and probably our parents did a few things right. Like love us and make sure we didn’t starve.

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

For 57 more photos that would get our parents arrested if they were taken today, click here.

If you’d like to submit a throwback photo that might get your parents in trouble, post them on the Mommy Shorts Facebook page or tag @mommyshorts and @munchkininc on Instagram with the hashtag #whenweweremunchkins.

Throughout this contest, I am randomly awarding six parents who post Throwback photos with $100 gift cards from Munchkin.

You can read the full rules here.

You can use those $100 Munchkin gift cards to purchase innovative products for your kids like plates that turn white when your baby’s food is too hot and pacifiers that beat like Mom’s heart. Below are 17 products from Munchkin that make parenting easier, safer, cleaner and less likely to land you in jail.

17 Innovative Products for Parents

1) White Hot® Infant Spoons 2) Day & Night Light Musical Auto Mirror 3) Click Lock® Bite Proof Sippy Cup  4) Arm & Hammer™ Diaper Pail by Munchkin 5) Mist™ Wipe Warmer  6) Miracle 360° Cup 7) Click Lock® Weighted Flexi-Straw Cup 8) Lulla-Vibe™ Vibrating Pad 9) Click Lock® Super Suction Bowl 10) Grippy Dots 11) White Hot® Sun Safety Shades 12) LATCH™ 4oz Bottle 13) Deluxe Fresh Food Feeder 14) LATCH™ Heartbeat Pacifier with Clip 15) Click Lock® Deluxe Snack Catcher® 16) Auto Close Designer Gate 17) White Hot® Bowls.

Are you ready for the first three winners?

This kid with the baby wearing dad— talk about forward thinking!

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These children about to be attacked by a monkey in a diaper:

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And these twins sleeping comfortably in their molded plastic carseats:

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Congrats all! Please contact abby@mommyshorts.com to claim your prizes.

We’ve got three more winners to announce next week so keep those questionable throwback photos coming!

I promise not to report anybody’s parents.

If you like this post, follow Mommy Shorts on Facebook. Want Mommy Shorts delivered daily or weekly to your inbox?

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This post was sponsored by Munchkin but all thoughts and opinions are my own. Munchkin rids the world of the mundane by developing clever, innovative solutions that make family life safer, easier, and more fun. You can find Munchkin products at Munchkin.com, Target, Babies’R’Us, Walmart and Amazon. It’s the little things!


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