Bad Parenting Advice is a new column from Bethany of the notoriously popular Facebook page Bad Parenting Moments. Ask her a question and she’ll give it to you straight. With no professional opinion whatsoever.
It’s a new year. New resolutions. New beginnings. A time for second chances and renewed hope. Unless you’re talking about the car drop-off and pick-up lines at school. That shit never changes. Ever. The only thing that changes less than the total lack of courtesy in the drop-off line is my desire to murder everyone waiting in them.
The circle of near loss of life.
Dear Confused in Flannel,
Once, in a fit of car line rage, I swerved out of line and pulled directly into the “Reserved for Principal” spot in the school parking lot. I never did get an invite to the PTO Book Club.
But, this isn’t about me (it’s always about me). When I see someone who appears to have it totally figured out, I like to imagine that they have really ugly feet or resting bitch face or, a really terrible relationship with their mother. And that’s because I’m a terrible person prone to judgement.
The truth is, the lady with the perfect hair and the size 2 ass (wearing killer heels without walking like a newborn giraffe) is probably a perfectly lovely and normal mom who likes looking good and dressing up as much as I like eating an entire tray of brownies and then lying about it.
She probably yells at her kids just like the rest of us. And sometimes, I bet she even gives them cereal for dinner. I bet she’s just like me, except she doesn’t have thighs that look like 8,000 bags of marbles are trapped just beneath the surface of her skin.
The car line is a place where we’re all equals in our misery. Make-up or face like that dead girl in The Ring. Heels or slippers. Size 2 ass or Marble Thighs.
None of us want to be there. Next time you pass her while whizzing into the Principal’s parking space, roll down your window and say, “Trick, you look fabulous.”
Who knows, maybe you’ll score an invite to her Fiber Eyelash Facebook group.
Forever in blue jeans,
Dear Waiting “Patiently”,
Yes, it might actually kill someone. If not kill, maim for life.
I believe the list of non-curable diseases that cause an inability to allow someone entry to the school pick-up and drop-off line are as follows:
Penile Cranial Obtrusion (see on Web M.D. – penis head disease)
R.A.S. – Rude Ass Syndrome
I hope this helps you approach these very ill people with compassion.
I went to Medical School Online,
If you’ve got a question for Bethany from Bad Parenting Moments, you can leave it in the comments below or email her directly at DearBPM@gmail.com.
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