“Argument of the Week” is a series written by Brenna Jennings. It will feature the daily domestic battles she gets into with her husband Steve. Arguments I guarantee will sound very familiar.
The Scene:
It’s mid-October. In my part of the world, the trees are burning colors, sweaters and tights are on point, and all the men in my neighborhood have taken vacation time to dedicate themselves 24/7 to fighting the scourge of falling leaves. Lawnmowers have been exchanged for leaf blowers, which will buzz perpetually until those are swapped for snow throwers. It’s the suburban circle of life.
Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the crisp in the air enough to deal with the fact that pumpkin-spiced enemas probably exist and that #PSL is always trending. I start making soup (which my husband Steve also enjoys as it only requires one pot) and eavesdropping on my 2nd grader’s Halloween plans—spoiler alert: eating a shitload of candy.
And did I mention it gets colder outside? That welcome autumn air is also the harbinger of our months-long struggle for control of the thermostat. Fall 2015 begins the seventeenth year of our personal climate crisis.
I work from a home office, and Steve wants the temperature set somewhere between morgue and meat locker during business hours. As a result, I know which coffee shops have the strongest Wi-Fi and are most generous with their heat, and on the drive over I max out my seat warmers and linger in the car for several minutes after I park. It’s possible I’m sterile as a result. Totally worth it.
Back at home I’m a master of layers and hot liquids, though I switched to herbal tea after I once completely refinished my desk during an hour-long conference call. I invent reasons to cook so I can stand near the hot stove. After I bake, open the oven door, hold out my shirt and let the rising heat get to second base. I own shawls and throws and cardigans, and gaze longingly at Snuggie ads.
Does this sound like madness? It’s madness. I decided it had to stop.
The Confrontation:
Heat is expensive; it’s one of those super adult things you have to spend money on which is no fun at all, like tires or that day at the zoo when your kid hated every single thing for nine straight hours. What costs Steve money costs me money too, and I appreciate that he looks after our budget. Still, he’s not the one spending his entire workday on the tundra.
One afternoon he popped home for lunch and caught me cranking the heat to 70 — just for an hour, I swear! I pled my case eloquently: HONEY I CAN’T F-F-FEEL MY F-F-FNGERS P-P-PLEASE LET ME HAVE M-M-MORE HEAT.
Steve reasoned with me as I strained to hear him over my chattering teeth, “You know how much it costs to set the heat where you like it. You’re never warm, Honey,” and then something about how I’ll be even colder when we’re forced to live on the street after spending our life savings on oil.
The Resolution:
People say that the most important part of any relationship is trust, but I think compromise is just as critical, and that’s what we did. The heat will stay low during my work hours, but I now have a compact space heater under my desk that does a great job of warming my small office. Steve set the thermostat to kick up once we’re all home for the day, then drop back down at bedtime. It remains to be seen how that last part will affect my willingness to be naked after dark.
Is there a Heat Miser in your house? How do you get through the cold season? Do you live somewhere tropical and argue instead over air conditioning, and if so, can your home fit an additional family of three and their adorable dog? Tell us in comments.
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Read more from Brenna Jennings on Suburban Snapshots.
I am the heat miser in the house…but that’s because we lived in a drafty century home house. So at daytime if i worked from home, i camped in one room in the house and do the space heater. The kids rooms have their own heater because there was no possible way to heat the entire house with the heat source that we have.
I switched off the heater when i go to washroom in the middle of the night. Electric heat is brutal
Space heaters are THE BEST!! We have one in our bedroom and the living room and they are both on wheels so we can move them as needed…
We live in Oklahoma, which means we get the full extreme of every season, hott summers and cold winters. My husband works outside so in the summer, he want the house cold when he comes home, like meat locker cold. So we compromised, he can set the thermostat in the warm months, and I get to control it in the cold months. It’s wonderful getting to be toasty warm all winter.
Latte so that you don’t get side-eye from the barista:
$4.86 a day if you skip baked goods. And come on, who does that?
Additional Sweater and accessories purchases:
$100.00 per month
Lost productivity:
Approx 6%, let’s say you make 1/2 the national average for a writer, just to keep things extra on point and so that your husband can’t suggest you give up sweater habit:
$90 per month
Additional Kleenex because of the cold-nose thing:
$5 a week
Gas spent idling and commuting:
$50 per month
Wear and tear on car:
Federal standard is 67 cents per mile
You see where I’m going here. It actually COSTS MORE MONEY to be cold than it would to keep the house at a normal temp.
Nevermind the opportunity costs like: Less happy wife
You know, I did just buy a great new sweater yesterday for about a hundred bucks. You’re onto something!
LOL Toooo funny! I have this struggle, but in my office–with my co-workers. We live in the tropics. I hate the cold. The hate the heat. So it’s a constant battle over A/C controls.
I like the cold but then I worry about the appropriate temperature for our kids so I keep it at 68 but would love to have it colder. That said, if your sweetie wants it to be comfy when he’s home, it should be comfy when you’re home too, no?
I, too, own a space heater that gets toted all over the house during the winter. My husband hates it because it will heat up the whole room i’m in thus negating his chosen colder temperature but I say…HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Candles are key to heating up a small room – they raise the temperature about a degree per candle – tealights out of ikea = cheap heat 🙂 Thermal vests are good too!