you have to fing eat

Last week, we learned about Adam Mansbach’s newest book— “You Have to Fucking Eat“, the follow-up to his last best selling book, “Go the Fuck to Sleep“.

The audio version of “Go the Fuck to Sleep” was read by Samuel L. Jackson and the audio version of “You Have to Fucking Eat” was read by Brian Cranston (download the full audio version for free here).

What should Adam Mansbach’s third book be? And who should read it? I asked you all for a chance to win copy of the book. There were over 450 responses, each one more hilarious than the next. Here are some of my favorites…

“Give Me Back My Fucking Phone” read by Jack Nicholson

“You Have to Wear Your Fucking Coat” read by Meryl Streep

“Wash Your Fucking Hands” read by Bill Murray

“Tie Your Fucking Shoes” read by Ice Cube

“Take a Fucking Bath” read by Christopher Walken

“Stop Your Fucking Whining” read by Joe Pesci

“Brush Your Fucking Teeth” read by Sir Anthony Hopkins

“You Have to Go to Fucking School” read by Michelle Obama

“Wipe Your Own Fucking Ass” read by James Earl Jones

“No, We Aren’t Fucking There Yet” read by Morgan Freeman

“Where the fuck are Your Pants!?” Read by Robert DeNiro

“I Heard You The First Fucking Time” read by Sean Connery


“No, you don’t need a fucking bandaid” Read by Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Hug your FUCking Grandma” read by Will Farrell

“Hold My Fucking Hand” Read by Dame Judy Dench

“Clean Your Fucking Room” read by Betty White

“No more fucking candy” read by William Shatner

“Stop Playing With Your Fucking Weiner” read by Russell Brand

“Pick Up Your Fucking Legos” read by Martha Stewart

“Don’t Eat The Fucking Toothpaste” Read by StevE Buscemi

“Get in the fucking car” read by Nicolas Cage

“We are not watching fucking Frozen Again” read by Alec Baldwin

“Don’t Put That Up Your Fucking Nose” read by Charlie Sheen

“Don’t Fucking Lick That” read by Gene Simmons

“Put your motherfucking socks on” Read by Tim Gunn

“Use the Fucking Toilet” read by Wanda Sykes

“Make Up Your FUCking Mind” Read by Louis C.K.

“Sit The Fuck Down” read by Alan Rickman

“Put your Fucking Toys Away” read by Clint Eastwood

“Stop Fucking Whining” read by Lewis Black

Everybody’s answers were fucking amazing, but I had to give the win to Naomi S. who said…

“Use Your Fucking Words” read by Liam Neeson

and Kelli L. who said…

“Put Your Fucking Clothes Back On” read by Kim Kardashian

And that’s how you break the internet.