The relationship between siblings can be adorable and full of unconditional love, but when you have two small children who live in the same house, can’t escape each other and are fighting for the same parental attention, it’s probably also fraught with tons of petty fights and ridiculous power plays. For example, Mazzy and Harlow have an ongoing battle over who gets to stand on the stool while brushing their teeth. Every freakin morning and night. Mazzy always gets there first but Harlow can’t really reach the sink without it, so I have to put a limit on Mazzy’s stool time, since she would stand there forever just to piss off her little sister.

I asked the members of the Remarkably Average Parents facebook group, “What is the most ridiculous thing that your kids fight over?” The most popular responses were very important issues like— shower order, who gets to open the front door and where each kid sits in the car, with one parent claiming, “This entire thread justifies my decision to have only one kid.”

34 Absolutely Ridiculous Things that Real Siblings Fight Over

1) “I brought home new backpacks for my kids and they fought over who got which one. They are identical backpacks.” – Valeria

2) “While in the bath together last night, my kids made a fake YouTube video reviewing bath slime and then fought over who had the better nonexistent merch page.” – Sage

3) “The most ridiculous thing my kids ever had a fight over was an INVISIBLE trophy. There was screaming, tears and full-on tantrums. Over an INVISIBLE object.” – Courtney

4) “This weekend, my kids fought over a white lambskin rug from Ikea that I keep on my desk chair. It has been there their entire lives but on Saturday, one of them was walking around with it and the other wanted it. I felt so stupid putting on a timer so everyone got a turn.” – Laura

5) “When we walk to get the mail, they fight about who gets to carry the mailbox key. Then who gets to open the mailbox, then who gets to get the mail out of the mailbox. Then who gets to carry the key home. So now, neither of them get to carry the key.” – Michelle

6) “My kids fight over who gets the seat behind the passenger seat, because that person can see me better. Which is sweet, but DEAR GOD. They have an elaborate system involving Mon/Wed/Fri versus Tues/Thurs and alternating Sundays.” – Stephanie

7) “My 6 and 7 year-old freak out if one of them looks out the other’s window in the car. Seriously???” – Rhianan

8) “When I split a bag of snacks, my kids like to argue over who gets the bag. Apparently, the bag is much better than eating out of a cup or bowl, and they are willing to have fewer snacks in exchange for being the bag-holder.” – Katrina

9) “My kids fight over who showers first, because apparently showering second is the best shower???” – Beth

10) “This morning, my kids fought over whose unused napkin was sitting on the counter from dinner the night before. They both wanted it.” – Katie

11) “My kids fight over who gets to tell me the light turned green when we are driving. They both watch the red light and scream GREEN and then fight over who said it first.” – Jess

12) “My kids fight over whose turn it is to open the garage door. If one opened it in the garage, the other gets to close it with the button in the vehicle. Which means the first gets to use the button when we get back, and the other closes from inside. Oh, and did I mention one of them is a freaking TEENAGER?!” – LJ

13) “My kids like to fight over cloth napkins. Here I thought I was being both fun and environmentally conscious by ordering cloth napkins in cute patterns, but instead I just created the opportunity to referee fights about who gets the monkey napkin and who gets the ladybug!” – Elizabeth

14) “When I put my kids in the shower together, they fight over who gets to stick their head under the faucet while the water drains after I turn off the shower. And the kid who doesn’t get to do it demands that I turn on the faucet for a split second so they can do it too. It drives me INSANE!” – Tara

15) “My kids eat animal vitamins every morning. There are four different animal shapes: elephant, hippo, lion and tiger. I now have to give all three boys the same animal so they don’t fight over whose animal killed the others’ animal. After this happened and resulted in TEARS AND SCREAMING for a week, I vowed to find a different vitamin.” – Rachel

16) “My kids were reading the Guinness Book of World Records one day and fought over whose birth year had more shark deaths.” – Aimee

17) “My two boys fight over who gets to throw away their baby sister’s dirty diaper in the morning. We cloth diaper during the day so the one diaper from overnight is the only one anyone gets to throw away all day. It’s apparently a privilege.” – Alexa

18) “My kids fight over who gets to press start on the microwave. And heaven help me if I forget and press it myself.” – Stephani

19) “One of my kids was quietly singing the ‘Happy Birthday’ song to herself in the car. As soon as she finished, her brother leaned over and blew. She wailed because he had just blown out her imaginary candles.” – Ann

20) “Last week my kids fought over what we were going to name our pet cow. We don’t have a pet cow.” – Jana

21) “My sons (who are two years apart) once had a knock-down, drag-out fight because my older son (correctly) asserted that he was older than his brother and would be forever. I separated them physically while my younger son screamed, ‘Not if you die today! Then I’ll be older than you in three years and FOREVER!’ Wicked death threat, that is.” – Rachel

22) “My kids fight over who gets which plate at dinner, the yellow one or the yellow one. Yes, you read that right. They are both yellow plates.” – Allison

23) “My kids fight over who gets to press the buttons in the elevator. It got so bad that last week I revoked all button-pressing privileges and only adults are allowed to press the button.” – Margaret

24) “Mine fight over who gets to use ‘the force’ to open automatic sliding doors.” – Bailana

25) “My kids fight over opening the hotel room door with the key card. Every time. Every hotel.” – KD

26) “My daughter once started crying in the car to ‘turn off the sun’ and my oldest replied ‘no!’ So, she screamed ‘I said, turn it off!!’ and he screamed back, ‘I won’t!!!’ Wailing and fit throwing ensued.” – Brie

27) “My kids (3 and 2) fight over the cardboard strip you pull off the top of Kleenex boxes. Apparently, that was is the most fun toy in the house.” – Whitley

28) “My kids practically hyperventilated because they were competing to see who could smell more of the French fry air in the car on the way home. I rolled the windows down and let all the air escape. Everyone cried and now I drink wine at noon.” – April

29) “My kids once had an argument over what they were going to name chickens…that we do not and will not ever own. Legit screaming and crying over nonexistent chickens names.” – blueyedgrl121

30) “My kids fight over who gets to sit next to me. Mind you, I have two kids…and two sides.” – qnoqns

31) “I’ll ask one of my kids to do something for me and that kid will say that they don’t want to do it. So, I’ll ask the other kid to do it and before I know it, there’s a knock-down drag-out fight over who gets to do what no one wanted to help me with in the first place.” – Tara

32) “I have a picture of my son crying hysterically because his sister took an imaginary bite of his imaginary cake.” – Tracy

33) “I asked my daughters what they fight over and one said ‘nothing’ and the other said ‘everything.” – Loralyn

34) “Y’all, let me tell you— it never changes. I have 7 kids… 30, 22, 20, 19, 18, 14, and 13. When they are together and I drive somewhere, they still yell ‘SHOTGUN’ and race to sit in the front seat. Including the 30 year-old, who is married and has three kids of her own.” – Starria