MINUTE ONE:
You see the baby playing happily on his own and decide he will be just fine if you take a ten minute shower. You go to the bathroom and undress.
MINUTE TWO:
You get nervous the baby will not be fine and decide to put the baby in his crib instead of letting him play freely on the floor. You run around the house collecting safe toys to put in the crib to keep him occupied. Have I mentioned you are running around your house completely naked?
MINUTE THREE:
You get in the shower. You allow yourself to appreciate the warm cleansing water.
MINUTE FOUR:
The baby starts crying. Oh no, you haven’t even shampooed yet! Wait. Is that crying? You aren’t sure. You stick your head out of the shower and listen intently. You might be imagining it. You shampoo as quickly as possible just in case. You wash your body at lightening speed. The baby’s crying gets louder. Yes, that is definitely crying now. What about conditioner? Do you have time for conditioner?? The baby’s crying escalates to unbearable levels. You must get out as soon as possible. Wait! Have you shampooed yet? YOU CAN’T REMEMBER!!! You try to recount the order of showering events— first you got into the shower, then you felt the warm cleansing water, then the baby started crying— SHIT! THE BABY IS STILL CRYING! You’ll just have to skip the shampoo regardless of whether you have shampooed already!
MINUTE FIVE:
Baby is crying even louder!!! Why did you decide to shave under your arms? What a selfish thing to do! You must be a horrible mother! OH MY GOD THE BABY MUST THINK HE HAS BEEN ABANDONED AND THIS TEN MINUTE SHOWER IS GOING TO RUIN HIM FOR LIFE!!!
MINUTE SIX:
The baby stops crying. Oh thank god. Time to condition.
MINUTE SEVEN:
Why is the baby being so quiet??? Something must be wrong. You shout in the baby’s direction. “BABY!!!!!! ARE YOU OKAY?????” The baby doesn’t answer you. He’s obviously not okay. He is never this quiet. What toys did I put in there with him? Are they all made from breathable materials? Any choking hazards??? Perhaps he shimmied himself into a corner. Oh no. He’s stuck in the crib slats. He’s so hurt he can’t even cry. OH MY GOD SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO MY BABY!!!!
MINUTE EIGHT:
The baby starts crying again. OH THANK GOD.
MINUTE NINE:
You emerge from the shower, naked and wet. You grab a towel and throw it around your head in the worst after-shower turban ever. You run to the baby, nearly slipping on the bathroom floor. You scoop him up in your arms. “OH SWEETIE! ARE YOU OKAAAAAAAAYYYYY?????? I’M SO SORRY!!!!!! I’LL NEVER SHOWER AGAIN!!!!!”
MINUTE TEN:
Shit. Is that still conditioner in my hair?
—————————
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Oh so absolutely true! Especially minute 7 when the baby goes quiet! Although I’ve been known to put the baby in the pram and wheel him into the bathroom with me so even if he’s crying I can see him. 🙂
That is the only way I got a shower with all 3 of my kids!! Bring the bouncer in the bathroom with me!!
Before Quinn could crawl, I’d put her playmat in the bathroom with me so I could watch her the whole time.
I had the baby monitor outside of the shower to check on her consistantly. At least I knew the baby is just crying not hurt or anything.
When the baby got little older, I had her in the high chair in the bathroom with IPhone. She didn’t mind mommy taking 20min shower. Lol
Oh that mommy gilt on taking a shower. I am wondering if a daddy feels the same way…
I had a pack and play set up in my bathroom for the twins. At least I could see why they were crying.
This perfectly describes how my shower experience used to be.
Now I take my son in the bathroom with me.. Probably not the smartest thing to do (he throws all of his toys in the toilet and I forget and pee on them later) but it beats imagining up crazy things happening to the baby.
But my son still cries in the bathroom. I shower and he throws himself all over the bathroom floor wailing and crying or bangs on the shower door screaming. HELP
This is one of the reasons I shower at night — at least my husband is home! Even at his most useless, he can usually ensure that the baby stays alive…
That, and I like going to sleep clean ;-))
Yes!! I brought them into the bathroom in the bouncy seat. Except the youngest hated it so he cried anyways. But at least I could see if big brother was smothering him. This only happened on days I HAD to shower. Most often I waited like a leopard ready to pounce for their dad to walk in the door.
I think I had shampoo in my hair for 3 months because I never got a chance to rinse! Lol now with baby #2 I bring her in the bathroom with her bouncer.
Yep, that about sums it up.
I had the I could hear him crying moments just to stop turn off the water and listen…Nope no crying…hmmm turn back on water start lathering…theres the crying again…wait…yep definatly crying…turn off the water…hmmm no crying. ARGHHHH!
I’ve had 5 kids. I’d either put them in a bouncer in the bathroom, or shower or take a bath With the kid. I learned how to do LOTS of things with only one hand, the other arm full of baby. I always lamented that women only come with 2 hand, when clearly we need many more! After all, the eyes in the back of my head came with the kids, super-sonic baby crying detector, why not more hands!
I always put the kiddo in a bouncer or exersaucer in the bathroom. Much more relaxing that way.
I just shower with the kids. Everyone gets clean and no one has to worry about being abandoned by Mommy or kids catching the SIDS. Also, I have two perfect distractions for the younger one, though it’s a bit tricky to shave while nursing.
yup! i HAD to bring baby number 1 into bathroom with me so i could see her the whole time and i had it down to five min! baby number two is a little easier… but still i am a little crazy
true story. LOL
but only once for me…after that I just laid the baby on the bathroom floor while I showered.
that probably does not sound like a Mother Of the Year Award final entry.
Johnny Jump-up in the bathroom door. My husband remodeled the bathroom before deploying and the door never made it back on, so it’s perfect for hanging the jump-up. Also, I have not shaved in at least a month. Also, I must pick ONE shower activity: a) wash body or b) wash hair There is never enough time for both.
You take 10 minutes to take a shower? Luxury! LOL!
My girlfriends and I have started timing ourselves as a MomOlympic joke. It started when I told my best friend that I’d have to call her back because I was about to jump in the shower, and she couldn’t believe I’d called her back so quickly. So far, if I don’t shave, I’ve got it down to 6 1/2 minutes (I hold the record), but my friend says it’s because I have so many more kids than she does (it gets worse with each additional kid). It’s a constant source of resentment that my husband takes longer showers than I do, and he DOESN’T EVEN HAVE HAIR!
Hilarious. When I let my husband sleep in on a Saturday and he rolls out of bed and gets right into the shower even though I’ve been up for THREE HOURS, I want to kill him a little.
http://milkandwhiskey.com/2013/04/15/communicating-with-your-baby/
So true! But what about the “Phantom cries”? Every time I step into the shower I think I hear crying, whether or not it is actually occurring.
You bitches take a full tn minutes? Lucky! 🙂
Hahahaha ha! I usually shampoo the baby’s hair while nursing. She doesn’t mind the rinse. Poor kid gets a terrible view of my goodies though, in their unmanicured glory.
Lol, I was thinking the same thing. What’s a “10 minute shower”?? I’m down to about 4 minutes, with conditioner but no shaving.
My hat is off to you. And I’m going to start a club for Neanderthal Legs Anonymous if you want to come. 😉 LOL!
Just a little?
Right on the money.
same with me!!!!!!1
I just take a shower with my baby. It takes a little maneuvering, but I get a chance to get clean, he gets clean, everybody wins.
The whole gang comes in with me. My two year old in the shower with me and my 2 month old I bring the swing inside and place him in there.
I cheat a little and use the older kids 3n1 wash to hit everything at once. Shaving is a luxury reserved for beyond 4 months. I am glad long flowy dresses are in this year lol
I have a22month & 8 week old & have always gotten super long showers. The longer the better. I bought a cheap 2nd swing for my bathroom. The baby now goes in the fisher price rock n play in my bathroom during a shower (and I have a glass shower door). I did this with both babies & the sound of running water soothed them & calms them & puts the to sleep. One too old for that I transition to the swing for showering & getting ready. Now the toddler showers with me & we go in when I want to put the baby to sleep so the noise of the shower can help her fall asleep. I think I’m one of the rare moms who looks forward to shower time. I do sometimes trip over & stub my toes on all of the baby stuff in my bathroom but well worth it!
I have 5 kids and manage to take up to 45 minute showers by occupying everyone in the bathroom or my bedroom. Baby goes in jumperoo in my bathroom doorway, the 3, 2, and 2yr olds either get in tub or shower (depends on which i prefer to use…) and the 6yr old gets to play on my tablet while laying on my bed. Its easy but not really “relaxing”..
My 6 almost 7 year old occupies herself, and I put my 9 1/2 week old in her bouncy. The sound of the shower puts her to sleep.
I used to put my son in his bouncer right outside the shower. He still screamed but at least I knew he wasn’t dying :/
Girl this is me with my 8 month old 😂
My daughter just turned 5 and I have been putting her in the shower with me since she was about 18 months old. When she was a baby, my husband watched her while I showered. I still rarely shave though, for fear of my daughter getting ahold of the razor and cutting herself. I love long dresses and skirts! 🙂
Hahahahahahaha ! I can relate when my son was little enough that he wasn’t crawling yet. Add in that I was worried that the dog would eat his face off if said child messed with him.( Dog had issues with baby cause he wasn’t the baby anymore lol) But now that he will be 3 in December ..ppppfffftttttt I make sure door has ALL locks in place so he can’t escape lol , put on cartoons , pu up keyboard & mouse , put phone up high too , and shower. I have mastered the less than 10 min shower with hair washed & conditioned AND legs shaved!! 😀 .. It’s only a 4 min shower with no hair washing and no shaving lmao! He usually ends up in the bathroom playing with a car while I shower or on my bed playing in the mirror lol.
Maybe I am the only one who never felt guilty about putting my child in their swing, or crib, or bouncer (whatever appropriate) so I could shower. If they scream for 15 minutes…. well, I knew they were safe and wasn’t worried about it. I kept a small radio on very low in my bathroom so that 10 minutes I did get to shower, it was MY time, screaming baby or not. Their 10-15 minute brief period of crying never once bothered me, as long I knew they were safe and out of harms way…… they could stay pissed off as long as they wanted! LOL
I hate the phantom cries.. and yes to the baby bouncer. until they grow out of it.
Some days the toddler will sit on her potty with a book and watch me shower. Sure water is all over the floor, but I become clean.
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[…] #11. The Ten Phases of a Ten Minute Shower While You Have a Baby at Home […]
Oh my gosh, it feels so good to read the comments and know that I’m not the only one to go through this. The article is spot on especially when I’m not sure if he’s crying or not lol And Charlene is so right; as soon as my beau gets home, I’m waiting with the baby and hand sanitizer by the door!
I am never able to shave unless hubby is home and the baby is sleeping, if she isn’t and he is watching her he usually walks in and asks what’s taking me so long! If I’m by myself with her ( 8 months ) she usually just plays with some toys right outside the shower door banging them together, but as soon as it goes quiet #7 is the first thing that pops into my head!!
Men do this very differently… the baby is playing happily so you’ll have a shower, leaving the door open, just as you do with taking a number two… no drama…
Or you step out to find baby was never crying. They are playing happily or have fallen asleep.
This is so true from he first minute to the last. With my first child, I just put my hair in braids and wash only when daddy is home to hold the baby. Even when daddy was watching, he would scream my name to come out because he is unable to console the baby. Life of a caring mother! I won’t trade this for anything else in this world!
LOL, so true… on my second kid now, and if Daddy isn’t home to babysit, I just strip the kid and put her in the bottom of the tub with a few bath toys so I can enjoy my damn shower!
All of the above can be avoided with the stroller in the bathroom and a see-through shower curtain. Your shower will still be shorter than normal, but no need to worry about what babes is getting into or whether or not they are crying. 😉
My son HATES the shower, so there wasn’t an option of bringing him in with me.
I absolutely love this. Your posts are always so hilarious. You are definitely my mommy blogging inspiration. Please go check out this post I just wrote inspired by this one.
https://pearantlife.wordpress.com/2015/03/13/whats-its-like-to-shower-when-you-have-a-toddler/
[…] Everyone knows that it’s hard to get pretty much anything done once you have a baby, but once that baby becomes a toddler you might as well multiple the hardness level of your everyday tasks by 10. Making a bowl of cereal, eating that bowl of cereal, making a cup of coffee and drinking it before it gets cold, getting dressed and keeping your outfit clean, and SHOWERING. Once you have a kid showering becomes a luxury and it is not really a necessity when you compare it over napping, eating or cleaning (okay, it normally wins the war against cleaning.) So here is a little list I created of the 4 different ways you can shower while you have a toddler. I was inspired to write this post by this super awesome mommy blogger. […]
[…] reach even if he climbs up on the counter What was the first post you read on Mommy Shorts? It was "10 phases of a 10 minute shower with a Baby at Home." Someone posted it on Facebook and I thought it was hilariously accurate. I quickly became a […]
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[…] The 10 Phases of a 10 Minute Shower With a Baby at Home […]