Today, we are going back to Mommy Shorts roots and doing an old fashioned caption contest. Why? Because I LOVE CAPTION CONTESTS. Also, because I am slightly… no, most definitely… a wee bit DRUNK.

A caption contest does the brilliant job of making you all write something for me.

Why write a post at all then, you ask? Shouldn't I just skip a day and write something for Wednesday when it's not midnight and I am sober??

Well, on any other day, YES. But skipping today would mean that Monday's ass-wiping post would sit at the top of my feed for two straight days, and WE CANNOT HAVE THAT.

ALSO. The photo above is of a little boy named Giles, who happens to be the newborn son of my good friends Matt and Emily. Matt is forcing me to speak at a conference tomorrow even though HE KNOWS I DON'T PERFORM WELL IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.

So… whatever pre-drinking time could have been applied to writing tomorrow's post, was applied towards writing tomorrow's conference presentation

I will consider the last minute use of the photo above PAYBACK.

What wisdom is Woody imparting on little Giles? Perhaps the ending to Toy Story 4? You tell me in the comment section below.

Winner will get the supreme honor of judging the next caption contest. Plus, a signed copy of my latest book! A book that is real but also INVISIBLE, which explains why you won't be able to find it anywhere. It's there. It's hilarious. You just can't SEE IT.   

Going to bed now.