Every once in awhile I agree to do a paid post and then when I sit down to write the thing, I'm like— HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS???

A few weeks ago, Cottonelle asked me to be a brand ambassador for their new campaign. I thought, "Well sure, I've used Cottonelle for the past twenty years! Why wouldn't I write a post for them? I can talk about how I'm a big believer in hanging toilet paper over as opposed to under… Or how one of Mazzy's favorite hobbies is to stack the rolls of toilet paper in the middle of the bathroom floor… Or maybe I can do something about the likelihood my husband will change the roll… There's tons of fun stuff to write about toilet paper!"

Then Cottonelle sent me their "Wash Test" which included a 12-pack of Cottonelle toilet paper and two packs of Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Wipes. They challenged me to "test my cleaning logic" and describe my "a-ha" moment when using the two-step Cottonelle Care Routine. 

Ummm…. okay. So I actually have to write about how I wipe myself after I go to the bathroom? How much are you paying me again???

Screen Shot 2013-03-11 at 12.05.41 AMCottonelle's philosophy is that nothing can possibly be properly clean without BOTH cloth and water.

Uh-huh. Makes sense. So… what your saying is… all those years I spent wiping my ass (shit, can I say 'ass' in a sponsored Cottonelle post?) with plain old dry toilet paper is… UNBELIEVABLY GROSS??

Yep! Let's write this thing!

Making matters worse, I showed my husband the "Cottonelle Care Routine" and told him we have to use wipes after we go to the bathroom for the next two weeks so that I can write about our experience. 

You know what he said to me???

"I already use wipes."

WHAT???!!!! So I'm the only person in this house with AN IMPROPERLY CLEANED ASS???

Excuse me, backside.

God knows, I wouldn't think of wiping my baby or my toddler's backsides with dry toilet paper. In fact, if my recently potty trained three-year-old has an accident, I make her rinse off in the SHOWER, where we don't just use water and a towel, we use SOAP. I wouldn't just run a dry washcloth down her leg, put her in a new pair of pants and send her on her way. That would be DISGUSTING.

And… that's when I realized how much less I shower now that I have two kids. 

I'm gonna go with that revelation as my "a-ha" moment, because if Cottonelle thinks I am going to talk about the time I discovered the wipe removed something that the dry toilet paper did not, they've got another thing coming. I will admit to a cleaner and fresher after-potty experience, OKAY? 

To drive the point home, Cottonelle made hidden camera videos of people getting everything from their car to their hair washed without water. At the very least, the fact that Cottonelle did a whole campaign on this, let's me know I was not living in MY WORLD OF UNCLEANLY ASS BACKSIDES, alone.


Cottonelle is also currently running a "Test Your Cleaning Logic" contest for a $10,000 bathroom makeover. You can find all the details here. (If only the bathroom makeover was what they asked me to write this post about.)


This post was sponsored by Cottonelle (obviously) but the thoughts, opinions and bad language are my own.