"WHOA! Look at you two!"
"Yep. Look at us. Large and sober. It's like the circus came to town!"
I understand that people feel the need to acknowledge my obviously pregnant belly. I would too. And there was a short period between the time I started showing and the time I approached "spectacle levels" of pregnancy that I reacted graciously. Now, there is almost nothing someone can say that won't be misinterpreted.
When someone tells me I have "a glow", I assume they are lying. If they say "You look amazing", I assume they mean for someone who can't squeeze between two restaurant tables. If they say, "I'd wear that dress even if it wasn't maternity!", I assume they are— well, I guess that's pretty nice…
I know I should revel in the attention, but to be honest, it makes me uncomfortable. What are you supposed to say back? "Thanks! But the underwire of my bra currently digging into the side of my boob is making me want to punch you!"
Now pretend that the compliment is delivered in song. Yep, someone at the party actually SERENADED my pregnant belly. Seriously, this happened. HELLO! TRYING TO BLEND OVER HERE!
Belly serenades pale in comparison to people who find out I am having our second girl and try to be sympathetic to what is obviously THE WORST SCENARIO IMAGINABLE. "Oh…. will you try again for a boy then?" "Nope, too many dicks in my life already…"
I have a friend who fielded the dreaded "twin question". She was only carrying one. It's a big enough risk asking a woman if she is pregnant— why on earth would you risk asking if she is carrying TWINS???
My own husband told me today that he prefers me in maternity jeans to dresses. You mean the dresses I have been wearing all summer?? So you thought I looked like crap for the past few months and didn't say anything??? I FEEL SO AWESOME ABOUT MYSELF NOW.
Men can't win, I'm aware.
Speaking of MEN. Yesterday I was standing on a bathroom line at a restaurant behind two men and neither of them would look me in the eye. Why do people feel the need to acknowledge your pregnancy EXCEPT when they are in front of you on a line to go to the bathroom??
There are about three other stories I would like to share but I can't because all the people involved read my blog. (Uh-oh. I don't think the serenader reads my blog. If so— you have a lovely voice and the song was very pretty!) So, I'll turn it over to you guys…
What was the worst comment someone made while you were pregnant?