For the past few weeks, I've been compiling ways in which my two-year-old has made me feel like an idiot. The problem with my compiling method, is it consists of me saying to myself, "Oh, I have to remember this for a post about how Mazzy makes me feel like an idiot!" and then promptly forgetting all about it.
I'm sure if Mazzy was in charge of "compiling", I would have a full list at the ready— labeled, organized and printed. But as it stands, I have to make due with my own head. And as my two-year-old can tell you, my own head doesn't count for much.
Here are just seven of the ways Mazzy has outsmarted me:
1. She knows better than to believe everything she reads.
Mazzy's favorite thing to do is point at things and ask, "What's that?" It's less about her finding out the answer and more about testing Mommy. In one of her books there is an illustrated reference to "Poochini, the famous Italian composer" (pictured left).
"What's that?" Mazzy asked.
"It's Poochini, the famous Italian composer", I replied, taking the book for its word.
Mazzy corrected me matter-a-factly, "No, it's not. It's a dog playing the piano."
Yep, babe, you are right, I don't know what I was thinking.
2. She possesses a superior ability to identify non-mainstream animals.
We were in a toy store and Mazzy was looking at a selection of animal miniatures. I told her she could pick one. She narrowed her options down to two.
"Do you want the giraffe or the tiger?" I asked innocently.
"That's not a tiger. It's a jaguar."
"Oh… I think you're right…"
(I blame Diego.)
Then, a few nights later, we were reading a book which contained drawings of different animals. She pointed to one and said, "What's that?"
"It's a chipmunk," I said.
"No, it's not. It's a beaver."
I looked closer and realized she was right. Telltale flat tail perfect for building dams. Add that to the jaguar debacle and I've probably lost her faith forever.
3. She knows how to interpret rules to her advantage.
We went to a carnival where they had a few holes of miniature golf set up. Mazzy had never played before but took a club and ball excitedly. I walked her over to the first hole and she hit the ball willy nilly all over the green.
"The winner is the one who gets it in the hole first," I explained.
"Oh," she said and then picked up the ball, walked over to the hole and dropped it in.
4. She's bilingual.
When our nanny arrives at 8am, that's usually my cue to jump in the shower. Last week this conversation happened:
"Eat breakfast with me, Mommy?"
"I can't sweetie, I have to take a shower and go to work."
"You're sucio, Mommy?"
I thought she was speaking gibberish. But our nanny informed me that Mazzy was actually speaking Spanish. Sucio means 'dirty'.
"You're sucio! I'm limpio!"
Limpio, apparently, means clean.
By the way, I took French and totally sucked at it.
5. She already understands the birds and the bees.
Over the weekend, I took Mazzy for a walk by my mom's summer house. We stopped to admire some flowers.
"Look Mazzy, there's a bee eating the flowers."
"No, the bee is eating the pollen."
I swear, I don't even know when or where the word 'pollen' ever entered this girl's vernacular.
6. She knows how Corporate America works without ever having a job.
The other morning, Mike had a conference call at home so he locked himself in the bedroom.
"He's on a conference call."
"I have a conference call, too."
"Oh really. For what?"
"For work. I'm having a meeting."
"Uh-huh. And what are you going to talk about?"
"We're going to talk about our computers."
And that's how Mazzy trivialized every possible career choice, in one simple sentence.
7. She knows how to kick me where it hurts.
I have a habit of calling Mazzy "Babe" or "Baby". "Time for dinner, babe!" "Hey baby, it's time to go to bed…"
The last time I said it, she turned to me and said plainly, "I"m not a baby because I can talk."
I think that sums it up right there.
Please tell me I'm not the only one. When's the last time your kid outsmarted you?
UPDATE: I have just been schooled by a commenter who wrote: Smarter than you if she knows that headline should read: "7 Ways My Toddler is Smarter Than I". Thanks, Den! Please tell me you are older than two?
My daughter schools me in dancing apparently — the other day she goes “Mommy, turn on the music and then I’ll show you how to dance”
Awww. Don’t worry, you’ll have another baby soon enough. 🙂 Also, I hope you tell her she will always be your baby, even when she gets a job taking conference calls in Spanish.
My 5yo remembers everything that happened in her life since she was 10 months old with absolute clarity. I can’t remember to not call her by her brother’s name.
My 7yo can do 1st grade Math. I can’t.
It’s really not fair.
Fun fact! I logged some time up in the South Bronx a few years ago at my dad’s office. I’m pretty sure “sucia” also means “slut”. Let me stress that I’m fairly sure Mazzy’s mastery of English doesn’t include urban slang at this point.
Two (OK, almost three, but until she turns three end of July she’s TWO dammit! … and resume point of comment):
Two year old: Daddy what time is it?
Husband: It’s bedtime!
Two year old: *exasperated sigh* No! What time is it on your WATCH!!!
Honestly. If there was ever a reason to NOT want them to speak it is because then the wondering if they really are smarter than us becomes a proven fact. 😉
My 5 yr old is teaching himself how to play chess. We have a cheap version of the game that gives minimal instructions that make absolutely no sense (to me, anyways). I know I could google it, but my brain is broken.
I think that we need to blame TV here. TV and the internet and those books… they are all making our children too smart. 😉
My 5 year old schooled me on the correct pronunciation of the dinosaur, Deinonychus. Just wait until I start helping him with math!
“Mom, do you know how an elevator works?”
“Well, you push the button, here, and then there are some mechanical parts that do some things…”
“It’s call a pulley system. An elevator uses a pulley system.”
Of course, there were plenty of other people in the elevator to hear my 5 year old lecture on pulley.s
I laughed out loud at #1 and then just kept on laughing. Nicely done, Mazzy!
She is a genius, isn’t she? I love her and the way she looks at life…plus she’s adorable.
and no, you’re not alone. My boys are constantly taking me to task with things I’ve said 3 weeks ago or things that are just wrong, “The beaver/chipmunk” stuff. I tell them all the time, you’re going to be TALLER and SMARTER than mommy, you know what they say? “It’s ok Mom, we’ll love you anyway. ”
Up until recently, “Mama says no,” was enough to deter my 3 year old, Aedan, from doing something I didn’t want him to do. Then he found the perfect counter-argument. Now when I say, “Mama says no,” he replies, “Aedan says yes!” … So far the best comeback I have is “Well, mama is bigger than you, so I win.”
I’m still bigger and stronger, so they may be smarter, but I’m still winning. For now.
Mazzy doesn’t like when I sing. Every time I try to sing along to one of her songs, she screams, “NO MOMMY NO!!!”
Yes- their memory is ridiculous! She’s got all her books memorized and I don’t at all even though I’m the one who is always reading them to her.
AND- there’s a small body of water outside my mother’s house. A few weeks ago, I told Mazzy it was a lake. Then yesterday, I said, “Mazzy, let’s take a walk to the pond” and Mazzy replied, “No, mommy, it’s a lake.”
Awesome. So you are saying that Mazzy is so smart that she can insult me in Spanish while I clap my hands and say— You’re so brilliant!
Time has become a big thing around our house too. Mazzy is constantly asking for five more minutes, no ten— thirty more minutes! She’ll even run over to our timer and set it for me.
I have no clue how to play chess. If Mazzy ever learns, I’ll have to find her old man friends in Washington Square Park.
Yes, TV isn’t making them ADD, technology addicted animals— it’s teaching them Spanish!
Mazzy routinely watches her favorite shows on YouTube in other languages. Yesterday, she was watching Calliou in Japanese. Much more tolerable that way, actually.
Can your 5yo help me out too?
This is off topic but I can’t find the link to the you tube video you used to curl your hair. Could you post that again? Love your blog!
Oh girl, good luck.
I had one of those two year olds, also.
Then I had a baby.
And then they get older and become even more smart and MORE literal…
Mommy: Did you take a bath tonight?
Daddy: Umm, no…she said you took one last night…
Mommy: Babe, did you tell daddy a little lie?
(prompting full blown hysterics with tears, snot and hyperventilating…)
After much back rubbing and repeating that we.were.not.mad –
4 yr. old girl: NO. I said…”I THOUGHT” I took a bath last night…not that “I DID” take a bath last night!!!
Law school application anyone?
Smarter than you if she knows that headline should read: “7 Ways My Toddler is Smarter Than I”
She will be smarter than you from now until she has children of her own. Then you get to be smarter again. Don’t tell Alyssa I said that.
Well, if it makes her feel better, I did not pick up on that so you are certainly smarter than me is. OR less drunk.
So I’ve always liked Mazzy, very much. I still do.
But I think she also just made me happy that I have three boys. I don’t think I could keep up with her!
There are worse bragging rights to be had.
A few months back I was talking to my sister and she wanted me to tell Anna that her dogs said hi. Me: “Anna, Leo and Max say hi!!” Anna: “No, Mama. Dogs can’t talk.” Oh, right. Good point. I’m scared for the future. Very, very scared!
My two year old and I were doing a shape puzzle the other day. She kept asking me what the shapes were. I kept telling her the 4 sided ones were rectangles and squares – which I thought were safe answers – NOPE. She looked at me with all the seriousness she could muster and told me that they were trapaziods and a rhombus….um, what????
Then of course she told me what a pentagon and octagon were. To remedy this for the future we took a black sharpie and wrote the names of the shapes on each piece. Fast forward a few days and Lil Bits writes all over her big brother’s wall – asked her why she told me that it was a rectangle and we needed to write it on there.
here you go! I still do it almost daily.
At dinner the other night I asked my 2 year old to “show me how you swim.” She simply said, “No.” I asked “please?” She says, “No, I can’t.” I move my arms in a pretend-swim motion and asked again. No. So I asked, “why not?” She looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “There’s no water, mommy.”
Mine surfs YouTube for commercials so she can show me what “products” she would like for her next birthday, Christmas, etc.
I agree, but it has advantage and disadvantage. But what’s important is that you mold them to be a smart parents in the future.
I have been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.|