On Monday, I wrote a post called “Maffles are Melicious” about loving the words Mazzy mispronounces. Almonds as “SALMONS” is one of my favorites.
So many readers commented both under the post and on my fanpage with stories about the funny words their kids say incorrectly that I had to do something with them. For example, Jennifer’s son says “FOCKS” instead of Crocs so when one Croc falls off, her son yells “FOCK OFF, MOMMA!!!”
Below are 21 butchered words that I culled together from about 175 comments. Some are funny, some are adorable and some have major embarrassment potential if said too loudly in public.
Every one of them is real. (Assuming you guys aren’t lying!)
There is one more word that I didn’t make a picture for because I didn’t want anyone to skim over the post and get the wrong idea. It really needs the story attached.
“Before I had children I was a nanny for a family in Atlanta. It was pride weekend and as we walked to the park we passed a house with a front porch full of people celebrating and proudly flying two rainbow flags. To my horror, the little boy I was watching pointed to the flags and screamed “FLAG!” (but without the “L”). Everyone was silent for a moment, until I turned to the boy and said “That’s right, Frank, FLAGS!” Then they all started laughing and screaming “FLAGS FLAGS!” Thank god for everyone’s sense of humor!”
If you missed Monday’s post and have any more mispronounced words to add, please do so below. Maybe I’ll do a follow-up.
UPDATE: Check out Part Two: 22 More Words Totally Butchered by Toddlers.
And if you are not already a fan (and why wouldn’t you be?!), check out Mommy Shorts on facebook. I just redesigned the fanpage to fit the timeline layout and I’ve been doing a lot more there than just posting links to Mommy Shorts. Like yesterday, I posted a picture of Mazzy greeting everyone from her homeland— the Apple Store. (It’s a lot cuter than it sounds.)
Don’t miss the lastest epsiode of the Mommy Shorts Show— it includes Mazzy’s audition for the remake of Fantasy Island among other things.
Alright, that’s it.
Have a great weekend, friends. I hope it’s filled with BOOBIE MANCAKES!
— Mommy Shorts
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My son mispronounced ‘clock’ or a loooooong time; he understood the concept of them but chose to drop the ‘l’. Around 18 months (during his language explosion) he loved to point at random things and say their name out loud…rather loudly. Needless to say it became interesting when he was in our living room one afternoon with my mom where we had an oversized clock mounted on the wall and he proclaimed, “Look Nana, a big cock!!!”.
My now four year old girl would call Polka Dots – Co key Cocks for the longest while. Cute until she shouts that she wants her Co key Cock panties in the middle of the intimates section of the local store.
I have four kids – I’m sure there are more – I just can’t think of any more off the top of my head! Great post. Thank you for the laugh today!
My daughter says “see you” as “chi you”…. Which in my first language means f-you. It’s funny (sometimes) but hopefully she gets those s’s soon!
Cock = clock. Look at the big cock, mommy!!
My little girl called Chap-Stick “lip chip” and it’s stuck – 7 years later we still call it that.
She also referred to Jesus as “Cheesus” for a good year or two lol
A friend of mine posted that her child calls guacamole “mockarolla”. So that’s what I call it now.
Our 3-year old boy James mixes up “I have to get dressed” with “I have to put my clothes on” to a delightful combination of “I have to put my dress on”….. we LOVE it!
Back in her single syllybal babbling days, my daughter (who has a long difficult “K” name) would introduce herself as “ka-ka.” We had a pretty good laugh about that one. The kicker though, her favorite auntie, Diane, whom we all call “Auntie Di” for short. Whenever Ka-Ka went looking for her she’d call in her loudest voice “Auntie Died! Auntie Died!” The first time any one heard that they freaked right out, but I maintain it was hillarious.
My daughter and I were shopping for a wall clock for her soon-to-be sister’s room and when we got to the aisle full of clocks she says loudly, “Look, Mommy! COCKS!” I had to do the equally loud translation, “Yes, baby. CLOCKS.”
I also love the way she says “water”. She calls it “wadirt”. She’s almost 2.5 yrs and still pronounces both word this way. Love her.
“Mommy works on the cunt-tooter”…
Haha. Good thing you don’t actually post the real picture of the actual words….
Dinosnore for dinosaur – it’s just too cute! I think you could also do a post about what kids call things either on first impression or even if they know the actual word. For example, my son calls flies “little fuzzies.” He also calls Dunkin’ Donuts “not for babies” because I always tell him, “Coffee is not for babies.” HA
Not obscene, but one that I’ll never forget…my godson is quite a character, to say the least, and to some of his more outrageous antics, I will sometimes say, “You need mental help”. When he was three, he said it back to me at some point, but it came out as “You need melty help”.
I have said it that way ever since. (He still is in need of some “melty help”!!!)
I know this is older but I had to comment. I watch children during the day and will have to listen closer to their words… but currently I remember: cock-sock, munch-lunch, titty-kitty (we have two cats), docks-blocks, buuuck- book, shit-sit, mow (like m-ow)- meow, etc.
Thanks for the giggle!
Almost 50 years ago, and I can still hear my baby brother butchering megatickoh (motor cycle), bumberSHOOT! (umbrella), miffmiff (Christmas), Neecee (neighbor Denise), and bulldigger (bulldozer)…and the entire family STILL uses those words for those things!!
These are classic! Thanks for sharing =).
What is the apricot centre one supposed to be?
She was asking them to sit?
“Mommy I put my clothes in the Hamster!” instead of hamper.
My 2.5 year old would loudly request “cockporn” as a treat and we frequently found ourselves accidentally saying things like “no cockporn” if we didn’t have any popcorn or “daddys getting the cockporn” if we did…much stifled laughter on shopping trips
You know, I actually work at a Sand & Gravel pit scaling out dump trucks etc. and that kid is actually right on for most of them… most are Dumb Fucks! ha good stuff thanks for the laughs as usual!
my 3 yr old says BOOBIES instead of MOVIES 🙂
Omg! I am hysterical!! Everyone in the room thinks I need a straight jacket!
My daughter is not allowed to say the word “rasins” in public. WE’ve tried pronouncing it for her and if she slows down it comes out right. But she keeps asking for a box of racists and thats not really socially acceptable.
My now 6 year old said fuck instead of fork and satan instead of Santa
I recently took my 2 1/2 daughter and her older sister to the zoo. Our youngest kid said “I wanna see the pagans!” It took me a few minutes to realize she was saying PENGUINS
My favorite is my 3 year old granddaughter, singing at the top of her lungs…”Itchey, bitchy spider climbed up the water spout…” I laughter tip the tears ran down my legs.
Check out our daughter pronouncing “washcloth.”
While they aren’t toddlers, my kindergarten kids like to play on poptropica.com during computer time. They’re 4 and 5. Not many of them can actually pronounce it, and my favourite variation, though there are many, is hot chocolateca
and probably several others.
This is great!!
When I was about 2, my Dad and Grandmother took me to the 4th of July parade. When the equestrian group came by, I shouted from my perch on Dad’s shoulders, “Daddy, look at the he whores!”
When my daughter was little, a couple of her funnier ones were: gubbets (gloves) and beggi (spaghetti)! Lol, I was working one night, with my mother babysitting, and my daughter was screaming mad b/c Mana couldn’t figure out what ‘beggi’ was…finally, she called me at work to see if I know what ‘beggi’ was!! That was 14 yrs ago and we still laugh about it!
When my son was 3 he was obsessed with vacuuming. When in Wal-Mart one day we turned down aisle with them on display. His eyes got huge and he yells “mommy, F+@cuumes!” I wanted to be invisible at that moment.
I’m a preschool teacher, and some of my favorites are Base instead of face, Toe it instead of toilet, hopdagator instead of helicopter, and cock instead of chalk.
My two year old got a new pair of sneakers, and oh so proudly told anyone who would listen about them… problem was, she couldn’t say the s sound, and the k sound became a hard g… so she was running around talking about her “ni***rs”. She learned the phrase “tennis shoes” shortly thereafter.
My 4 yr old niece calls my parents damma and dampa.
I think every little kid says Ambliance, it must be a rule or something lol . My son used to say Hang Doctor for helicopter. We still say it to this day (he’s 17 now!)…
My nephew called overalls hog-a-logs when he was little. We never understood how he got that.
My oldest said “fatter-fatters” for firefighters and “wee-wee” was strawberries. Both kids couldn’t say Grandma – it came out Damma. My mom was changing the younger one’s diaper in the lobby of a swanky hotel (we were there for a wedding) when a Ice Age (or a commercial for it) came on the big screen TV in the open bar across the room. Excited screams of “lookit! Oh shit Damma! Oh shit!” Got lots of strange looks, followed by giggles when his Grandma loudly repeated “Yes, I see the EL-E-PHANT.”
My 5 year old son always wants to know we have to take his brother to the “Orphan-a-dontist” for orthodontist. He also says that his sister who is about to be 12 is growing “Booblets” instead of boobs.
My 20month old calls her sippy cup a “cock!”
My 2yo used to say “lawn the mow” (mow the lawn); Yunch = Lunch; meatbalope = meatloaf. That one we still use although she is now 45!
My son says moco-psycho for motorcycle 🙂
My younger brother used to call bubble gum, “gubble gum” We used think that was pretty cute.
Some I’ve heard around my house are: firefuck for firetruck, hopicital for hospital, basgetti for spaghetti, cock for truck, tibbies for titties, and unfortunately shit for shit. We’re working hard to correct that one since he seems to understand when, how to use it – our fault!
I used to say Gymlastics instead of gymnastics when I was 3. To me it made perfect sense, because the athletes are flexible like a rubber (or elastic) band.
My little sister (now aged 4) used to call my bra my booby holder…not so much mispronounced as accurate… 😛
My son called the parade we saw with bagpipes…..rag pipes.
my granddaughter says rest or not for restaurant. i hope she always does
my son called the crust edges from pizza ‘pizza bones’
My husband was watching our 2 yr old grandson one day. they went to McDonald’s. Ethan asked for “chicken jolly ranch”. Grandpa had to call Mom to find out that he wanted chicken with ranch dressing…
My daughter always called peanut butter and jelly… Buck Jesse? We have no idea how that started but we still call it that!
As a small child, my now 31 year old son couldn’t say Kentucky Friend Chicken. When my mother asked him where we went for lunch, he told her he ate at “Fucky Tied”! Didn’t go over too well with my mother, but I nearly died laughing. As I said, he is now 31 years old and he hasn’t outlived that one yet!!!!
my daughter used to say ” mommy look go f-ck ” for garbage truck
My little sister used to call the “Star-Spangled Banner” the “Scar Spanking Bangle”
My four year old keeps telling people about the naked hookers in her closet.
My 3 year old said “that ambeewance is taking people to the hausible.” Took me a sec to realize he meant that the ambulance is taking people to the hospital. 😀
When I was little, I called pancakes “panty cakes”. I figured out my error when my entire 2nd grade class burst out laughing when I said it out loud after being asked what my favorite food was.
It was the Christmas rush and I was packed into the Post Office with my little, sweet, gorgeous red haired grandbaby. We were packed in like sardines and it was freezing outside and snowing and more and more people kept crowding in. Everyone who packed in tried to get Megan to talk to them, and she wouldn’t say a word, she just batted those huge blue eyes at them. And then I heard sirens coming down the street. I held my breath waiting….and just as they passed by the Post Office this little voice says at the top of her lungs (to be heard over the din of the throngs of people) “It’s a FUCK! LOOK…a FUCK!!!” Suddenly you could hear a pin drop…and then you heard one person kind of titter…then another….and another…until the entire place was roaring. And I was standing with little sweetie…who would not say another word to anyone!
My son has some hilarious ones. Bridge=bitch, stick=dick, clock=cock. Those are the embarrassing ones. My favorite is the absolutely adorable “jambambams” in place of pajamas.
We would often abrieviate things we didn’t want the kids to hear and one treaty meal was fairies (like nuggets but in fairy shapes) and potato gems. We would call them F and G’s. It wasn’t until we were in the shops and our eldest daughter about 4yrs loudly requested “F’n G’s” for dinner that we realised just how bad it sounded lol.
My kids had a few funny ones :Ellamelon = Watermelon, Oppatoss = Octopus, Brulella = Umbrella, we STILL call watermelons Ellamelons! 🙂
raised in a conservative home, on our way home from mass with grandma. my 3 year old ready for her nap says mamma can we go night night but this time with more Valium? I was stunned mortified and confused! What do you want? More Valium!!!! Again I say trying to remain clam. Mommy does not know what your talking about? Explain to mommy. I want to go to bed and watch the good night show but I want more Valium. I finally got it. When she has a hard time falling to sleep I put In baby Mozart with no VOLUME so it makes her sleepy and she wanted me to turn it up.
LOL my son says valium instead volume too! XD He also says Mosfart instead of Mozart XD
Some more of my favorite mispronunciations that he said are:
Backwoom(vacuum, and bathroom)
Rimaroon(Rinmaru Games, a website with manga style games that he likes to watch his 10 yr cousin play when he visits their house)
My daughter called bacon “macon”, the grill a “gorilla’ and gorillas were “kangorillas”
http://m.countrycrock.com/Images/1167/1167-91768-originl_300x300.png My daughter couldn’t pronounce the “r” in either of these words. You’ll just have to imagine her asking for it with company at the table.
I am a nanny and one little girl I knew called both tomatoes and potatoes “potatoes” and didn’t like either one. Which was confusing. Also tunnel was “turtle”.
My son called juice “Jew”. Really awkward in the store when I’d ask him what kind of juice he wanted and he’d yell, “no Jews! Hate Jews!”
[…] we discovered a couple of really funny posts over on the Mommy Shorts blog featuring a whole bunch of words that have been “totally […]
My kid: “Daddy, your breff smells wike BEARD!” AKA: Beer.
My granddaughter (2) tasted something new and have me a huge smile and said ” This is deyishus” 🙂
She doesn’t use L yet so it’s I yuv you.
My daughter was feeling unwell one morning before school So I called her in sick…she said she felt obnoxious…she meant nauseas … the whole school faculty had a great laugh about that…
so nice and awesome!
i have liked it as a name!
so good and nice information!
[…] “Totally Butchered Words” posts are some of my post popular. (You can find them here and here and here.) But be forewarned— they are not for the pearl clutchers amongst us! There is […]
my 2 1/2 year old calls playdoh “paedo” …..not such a great one for out in public!
[…] I know those potty words are funny to you, but they are not OK at our house. Let’s practice some different silly words we can say together at home […]
One of the best came from my youngest who annonced that her older brother told her when they play wrestled in the living room, “I am not sapposedta kick him in the testakleez.”
Got two 🙂
My daughter says Crack corn instead of popcorn and stop mine instead of stop sign 🙂
When my son was 1.5, he called spinach “S Bitch”. More recently (he just turned three) he calls his swimsuit a “swim soup”, washcloths “slosh loth” and when he tries to say thumb sucker it often comes out “sum fucker”…he has very clear speech so it is always surprising (and funny) to hear his slip-ups.
My 2 year old son came up to me outside one day and said mommy I have a big stick…only his “st” sounds more like a “D” luckily the huge stick he was waiving around clarified what we were talking about.
My mates daughter says “black C$@!” When’s she’s really trying to say black current.
For her 7th birthday, I asked my daughter what she wanted for her special dinner. “Can I PLEASE have crap mac-and-cheese? Everyone at school always talks about it, and I’ve never even HAD crap mac-and-cheese! Please?!?!” (I buy the organic kind, and of course she wanted KRAFT.) She’s now 12, and I still don’t buy “crap mac-and-cheese” but we laugh about it all the time. Oh, and it WILL be in one of my books one day. 🙂
My son says Shitward for Squidward(embarrassing when he yelled it at the top of his lungs in Walmart), compooper for computer, and of course “Pussy” instead of Percy!(even more embarrassing when he yelled it at Walmart). My friends’ kids have said things like this too. What about yours?
My sister-in-law’s oldest son has 2 friends named Lilly and Ludvig. Her youngest has issues with pronouncing L’s, so he calls them “Weewee” and “Wubbig”.
My oldest used to leave the L out of clock and flag when she was 3.
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Love these types of posts!
Both my kids have trouble saying the S sound in many words so horse came out as whore.
The problem is that they both are obsessed with horses and they would yelling it when ever they saw a toy horse at the store and we got weird looks from many people, so we told them to say pony instead until they learn to say it correctly.
Also, my nephew pronounces Percy the train without the R sound.
Appreciation to my father who told me concerning this web site, this blog is genuinely amazing.
My 2.5 year old granddaughters latest is saying tutummer for cucumber. It’s pretty doggone cute.
[…] To see more of Mommy Shorts’ butchered words from toddlers click here, here, and […]
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Yahoo’s bestt hope foor that was Flickr.
Interesting Stuff. thanks for sharing
so funny…. thanks for sharing such a wonderful article