Dance.momsDance Moms 2 premieres tonight. That’s the show about all the super talented little girls with mothers who love them so much they will throw them into the malleable hands of one Abby Lee Miller (pictured left) who will 100% guarantee that when they leave her dance studio they will be STARS.

Got it? STARS.

If I could write STARS in glitter and bedazzle it with shards of unicorn horns, I would.

Then I would scream it at the top of my lungs, call the cops on every mother I know, rip the tutu off any child who doesn’t know how to “SUCK IT UP!” and drown my sorrows in a bath of trophies I did not earn myself.

At least that’s what I think happens on Dance Moms. I have not yet watched a single episode. I am basing my commentary 100% on the promos.

It is possible that every other moment on Dance Moms is filled with family hugs, cupcakes and plenty of time to play non-dance-related games with non-dance-related friends.

Although, I am skeptical.

So I decided that I am going to watch Dance Moms tonight to see for myself.

In order to make this happen, I needed to clear my calendar of all parties, events, date nights, etc. that I had planned for this evening. (That part was easy since I had none.)

Next, because I am scared and do not want to watch Dance Moms alone, I asked if anybody would want to live tweet it with me. Yes, that’s right. I said— LIVE TWEET.

I’ve already got @buriedwithkids, @ninjamomblog, @kikiandkyle and @biggreenpen on board. We are all going to hold virtual hands and hope that Abby Lee Miller doesn’t suddenly turn towards camera and yell at us directly.

Note: Apparently, @biggreenpen IS a dance mom but not a “Dance Mom” dance mom so she is nothing like THOSE dance moms, or so she says. Either way, she should bring an interesting perspective.

It’s tonight, January 10th at 9/8 central.

Who else is in?

If so, let’s get this thing going with a tweet:

“I’m live tweeting the Dance Moms 2 premiere with @mommyshorts at 9/8 central tonight! #DanceMoms”

Or if you have watched an episode, please please please do your best to prepare me in the comment section below.


Thank you to Lifetime who compensated me for this post and for posting the video below: