Above are the 32 contestants selected for the first ever Mommy Shorts Evil Baby Glare-Off, narrowed down from 175 pictures submitted on the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage. I think it goes without saying, that it was ridiculously hard for me to make the final cut.

Below is a brief explanation of what went into my decision-making process.


1) Glare must be main focus of picture. (Giving the finger, although hilarious, doesn't count.)

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2) Photos must be close-up or high enough quality to blow up without getting too pixelated. (This was the main reason some of my favorite babies got axed.)

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3) Side-by-side consideration. Some glares work really well when paired against another kid and some do not.

The kids that I had the most trouble deciding on were the ones that went head-to-head in the preliminaries on the fanpage. The winners of the preliminaries were Erin, Lucie, Hayes and Mackenzie. But if you've been following the aftermath of Tuesday night's brouhaha, you know that Mackenzie's mom removed herself and her daughter from the competition.

Which brings me to…


Zoolander_blog240x303 In general, Mommy Shorts is a place where we can make fun of ourselves and our children. We (myself and the people who are active on this site) do it in a good natured way but we are also the kind of people who do not get easily offended.

This contest began in part because a little girl named Lila was deemed to be the spitting image of Hannibal Lecter in a caption contest. Lila's mother thought that was hilarious. So did I.

This is an "Evil Baby Glare-Off". I expect trash talking and I don't want people to tiptoe around eachother. We are all friends here.

That being said, I also expect you to know the line between humor and cruelty.

If any parent has a problem with anything posted, just email me at and I will take it down. If I am out to dinner (as I was during the Camille/Mackenzie/Zoolander smackdown on Tuesday night) then it might not happen as immediately as you would like. But I truly don't expect anything like that to happen again.

If you have a kid in the tournament and you are not comfortable with this, please withdraw your child and I will find someone else to take their place. No hard feelings. We can still be friends.


The Glare-Off will be happening over the course of one week. Which means each round of the tournament will be happening within one day. So if you are planning on mobilizing an army to vote for your child (and by all means do), you will have to do it quickly.

Monday the 10th: Announcement of the bracket and Round 1, all 32 contestants compete

Tuesday: Round 2, remaining 16 contestants compete

Wednesday:  Quarter Finals

Thursday:  Semi-Finals

Friday: Finals

Monday the 17th: Announcement of the winners

Note: The only votes that will count towards winning are the votes on the Mommy Shorts site. I will post all the sides-by-sides in an album on facebook and you are free to comment on them (I encourage it!) but ultimately, the decisions will all be made here.


Each day of the contest there will be a surprise giveaway. The giveaways are for EVERYBODY, not just for those with kids in the tournament. As always, you must be a Mommy Shorts facebook fan to enter.

Grand Prize for the Winner of the Glare-Off:

1) A framed poster of the completed tournament bracket.

2) A t-shirt or onesie that says "Mommy Shorts Evil Baby Glare-Off Champion 2011"

3) Bragging rights and enough cocktail conversation to fill five life times

4) An awesome customized superhero cape and crown from Babypop.


Babypop Capes creates personalized and affordable superhero and princess cape sets that feature the child's initial, the emblem of their choice (shield, crown, heart, star, lightening bolt, alligator, etc.) in any color of their choosing. Besides the capes, they also make masks, superhero gloves, t-shirts and crowns. Or you can buy a complete customized superhero costume or superhero princess costume.

Kind of awesome for Halloween, no?

1st Runner-Up Prize:

1) A customized superhero cape and mask from Babypop

2) T-shirt or onesie that says: "I'm Evil But Not Evil Enough".

3rd & 4th Place Prizes:

1) Mommy Shorts Parental Tweet Mug: "I LOVE PARENTHOOD! The television show. Real-life parenthood is just okay."

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2) A signed work of art from "The Mike Masterpiece Collection". Your choice between ELMO (pictured below) or SNOOPY. (In case you are new here— Mike is my husband, not my child.)


I decided not to include Princess Nevaeh in the glare-off (despite the 141 people who "liked" her picture) for various reasons— one being that she just won the Baby Celebrity Lookalikes Contest (as a spot-on Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez) and I wanted to make sure someone else got a shot. Particularly since Princess Nevaeh has the power to make small countries of people jump over tall buildings for her. It really is very impressive.

I thank her mother wholeheartedly for bringing a ton of new people to my site. And I hereby appoint Princess Nevaeh as "Keeper of the Zoolander Manifesto". She is watching you— BEHAVE!

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Anybody have a better idea for what the winner's "Evil Baby Glare-Off Champion" t-shirt or onesie should say?