The Evil Baby Glare-Off Finals are upon us. Can you smell the excitement in the air? Does it permeate through the diaper genie stench and the curdled milk spilled behind your couch?

I know. It is THAT STRONG.

Mark and Lotte fought the good fight but got knocked out in yesterday's semi-finals. As a consolation prize, they will both get a Mommy Shorts mug of their choosing. (Wasn't all the stress and the campaigning TOTALLY WORTH IT??)

But it's the two cutthroat ladies below that managed to make their way through the original 32 contestants (not to mention the 175 evil babies submitted to the Mommy Shorts Facebook Fanpage) to face off against each other in today's ULTIMATE BATTLE OF THE GLARE.

Who will win the first ever "Evil Baby Glare-Off"?

That all depends on you guys.



Which baby might take to the nipple but not give it back?

Which baby bitch slaps her mom when her wipes aren't warm?

Which baby is hiding a pointy tail in her diaper?

Which baby would RickRoll her grandma in a video e-card?

Which baby enjoys soul-flavored Similac?

Which baby would rip the flesh from the hand that feeds her?

Which baby's future nickname is Juvy?

Which baby cut off My Little Pony's head and left it in her parents' bed?

Which baby would torture Elmo while Big Bird watched?

Which baby would remind you to use birth control?

Which baby springs to mind when you hear, "Speak of the Devil!"?

Which baby doesn't need a Hallowe'en costume?

Which baby got kicked out of Yo Gabba Gabba Live for crunking when DJ Lance told the audience it was time to dance?

Which baby's favorite bedtime story is "Tales from the Crypt"?

Which baby spikes her bottle on playdates?

Which baby should get used to the bars on her crib?

Which baby knows Santa keeps a list of whose been good or bad and doesn't give a fuck?

Which baby leaves her Matchbox cars in a line at the top of the stairs?

Which baby would make the Supernanny quit?

Which baby will party with L. Ron Hubbard in hell?

Which baby would push grandma in front of a bus, crawl under the driver's seat and sit on the gas pedal?

And most importantly…

Voting goes on until Sunday at 5pm and the winner will be announced on Monday.

Winner gets a framed poster of the completed tournament bracket, a Mommy Shorts Evil Baby Glare-off onesie and an awesome customized superhero cape and crown from Babypop.

Almost all "evil baby questions" above were reader-submitted under Tuesday's post. If Lucie or Chelsea's parents have an issue with any of them, please email me and I will have it removed.



Today's giveaway is a COLOSSAL CUPCAKE ($42) from Crumbs Bakeshop.


The Crumbs Colossal Cupcakes are GINORMOUS, measuring 6 1/2" high and feeding 6-8 people. They come in 16 flavors including the Halloween themed MONSTER MASH pictured above. The Monster Mash is vanilla cake filled with chocolate buttercream topped with orange tinted vanilla cream cheese, green sprinkles and four monster finger puppets.

Crumbs Colossals can be shipped anywhere in the country and TRUST ME, you haven't seen GLEE until you see your child presented with a cupcake larger than her crib.

In case the pictures above aren't doing the COLOSSALNESS OF THE COLOSSALS justice, below are photos of Mommy Shorts readers who have won them in the past. That's Jake, Jack, Kendra and Katie (clockwise from left)β€” all with eyes that look like they are about to bust out of their heads.


I think it goes without saying that if you win today's giveaway, you must send me a picture.

Except, of course, if you are Chelsea's or Lucie's parents. God knows what those little heathens would do if a camera flash interrupted feeding time.


1) You must be a Mommy Shorts Facebook Fan to enter. If you are not one already, you can become one by clicking "Like" on the facebook widget on my right sidebar or by clicking here.

2) Answer the following question in the comment section below: What should I do for my next contest? 

All giveaway winners will be announced on Monday October 17th, along with the winner of the glare-off. You can still enter each giveaway up until Sunday at 5pm by clicking the links below and commenting under the respective post. They are:

Personalized stroller blanket from Butterscotch Blankees ($52)

Box4Blox Lego Storage Sysytem ($40)

Three $30 Gift Cards from North American Bear Co.

Family Photo Session with NYC photographer Jenny Sherouse ($200)