Giveaway: Three $50 Amazon Gift Cards
When a bunch of humor bloggers got together to write “I Just Want to Pee Alone” last year, I very badly wanted to contribute, but they were collecting submissions right around the time Harlow was born. Between breastfeeding and preschooler wrangling, I just couldn’t hack it.
I swore, if the same people ever got together to write Part Deux, I would not let the opportunity pass me by again.
Well, the opportunity arose, and I’m embarrassed to say, I didn’t take it.
I blame my husband.
This week, “I Just Want to Be Alone” came out, a collection of essays from numerous humor bloggers all about their significant others, and try as I might, I could not write a story about Mike I found worthy.
Well, I probably could have written a story, but I felt compelled to clear the topic with my husband and he veteoed every single one of them.
“How about the time you moved into my apartment and set up your exact bedroom from your old apartment in the spare room next to my bedroom?”
“What about the time I rejected your marriage proposal and made you do it over again later that same day?”
“Does that really have to be in a book?”
“How about the time you got stung by a sea urchin on vacation?
“That’s wasn’t funny.”
“I know! What about your unironic Tony Danza crush???!!!”
“Say what you will but the man has more talent in his pinkie toe than you have in your entire body!!!!”
“I’ve got it. I’ll write about the time Mazzy made a very unfortunate appearance in our bed while we—”
And there you have it. I had nothing.
Tons of my blogger friends did have something to write though and I’ve spent the past few days reading essays like the time Karen Alpert (Baby Sideburns) found out her husband shit himself when he first met her mother.
Or the time Rebecca Gallagher (Frugalista Blog) put her husband on bedtime duty and he put their baby to bed without a diaper.
Or the time Allison Hart (Motherhood WTF?!) almost killed her husband for talking in his sleep.
Or the time Suzanne Fleet (Toulouse & Tonic) gave her husband highlights that resembled a Calico cat.
Or the time Nicole Leigh Shaw’s husband (Ninja Mom Blog) refused to cut their baby’s umbilical cord.
Or the time Kim Fordeville (The Fordeville Diaries) rejoiced when her skinny husband gained ten pounds and had to go on a diet.
Or the time Kim Bongiorno’s husband (Let Me Start By Saying) made her drag a pillowcase full of his travel souvenirs all around Paris.
Or the time Nicole Knepper (Moms Who Drink and Swear) bet her husband a blowjob they were not out of mayonnaise.
Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat is the blogger who puts these essay collections together and I could not be more in awe of her motivation and publishing abilities. I’m impressed with every writer in the book that they find time to write both books and blogs. I’m even more impressed they are still with their husbands after some of the stuff they shared.
I mean, Karen Alpert’s husband took eight years to tell her the shit story and the second he did, she had it published.
That, my friends, is a strong marriage.
You can support some “super cool lady writers” and laugh your ass off at their relationship foibles by buying their book here.
Here’s a fun game! If you had to write a funny a story about your husband, what would the topic be? “The time when…”
I’m giving out three $50 Amazon gift cards to my three favorite answers.
Winners will be announced next Friday!