Mommy Shorts

That Awkward Moment When Your Toddler Wants to Stick Her Tongue in Another Child's Mouth

I always knew my daughter was "advanced", but by "advanced", I meant she learned her ABCs pretty early and crushed her peers when it came to sorting shapes and stacking blocks.

I did not mean she was "advanced" in the area of B-O-Y-S.

I have witnessed Mazzy demand attention from the men in her life (yes, that's plural; sorry guys, if you thought you were the only one) but I always thought her initiative was adorable and not the precursor to something much more worrisome. 

But one night last week, I found myself totally shocked and stunned when the following scenario went down...

The 32 Funniest Baby Memes All in One Place

This weekend, in a move straight out of 2003, my sister sent me a chain email with a bunch of baby memes attached. I'd seen a bunch of them before, but had forgotten most and was introduced to a few new ones. 

So, I thought, on a night when all I want to do is finish my blog post before Mad Men starts, reposting the funniest baby memes seems like the perfect way to do it. 

From DRUNK BABY to GODFATHER BABY to THE MOST INTERESTING BABY IN THE WORLD (aka Harlow), here are the funniest baby memes found around the web (and from my sister's email). 

Hopefully, I'll get at least a couple in there that you haven't seen before, and it will all be worth it.

Happy Half Birthday, Harlow!

Can you believe Harlow is six months-old already? Boy, time flies when you don't have one second for yourself.

She's been on her first swing, she's blowing raspberries, she's sitting with a little bit of assistance, she's flipping over like a crazy baby on a mission when I try to change her diaper, and holy crap, the girl is CRAWLING.

21 Acts of Parental Brilliance

Awhile back, we were over my sister's apartment for dinner. Mazzy wanted to use her watercolors (I happened to have a set in my bag) but I didn't want her to make a mess. After trying and failing to find some newspaper to put on the floor, I suggested using a puppy pee pad since my sister has a dog. 

We quickly realized this was THE BEST IDEA EVER since puppy pee pads are super absorbant with a plastic backing so nothing soaks through. (FYI- It's an even better idea if you don't have a dog so no four-legged creatures try to pee on your child's masterpiece in mid-creation.)

I have never been more proud of myself as I was in that moment. I had created my very first "parent hack". 

I wish I could name twenty more that I've developed since, but the truth is, that was the one and only time true inspiration struck. The rest I've been collecting from around the web on Pinterest in a board called "Parental Brilliance".

Buzzfeed did a great post on parent hacks about a month ago, so I would check that out too, but they missed a few. 

Here are 21 of my favorites acts of parental brillance...

The Search for the Most Epic Head of Baby Hair

We all know Harlow has been blessed with out of this world hair. It cowlicks to the right, it stands straight up, it has something undefined going on in the back. Is it a mohawk? a fauxhawk? a baby combover? One can't be sure. The only thing I know is that everywhere I go, people say, "Whoa. Look at that baby's crazy head of hair!"

Surely, I can't be the only mom out there who possesses a baby with mind-boggling-traffic-stopping-gravity-defying hair. There must be other babies who would love to show off their god-given locks as well.

So, today, I am starting the search for "the most epic head of baby hair". Harlow is disqualified so all other babies stand a chance.

Let me give you a glimpse of three of the contenders thus far...

Mother's Day: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

You know that amazing part of Mother's Day when your three-year-old daughter runs into your bed first thing in the morning, refuses to give you a hug and then snuggles up with Daddy?

And then a half hour later, after the the two of them have been giggling and hugging eachother exclusively, you say, "Hey. Isn't anybody going to wish me a Happy Mother's Day?" and your daughter says, "Noooooooooooooo!"

And then your husband says, "Come on, Mazzy. Wish Mommy a Happy Mother's Day." And she repeats, "Noooooooooooooo!" and then runs out of the bed into the hallway?

Mom's Night Out

So much stuff happened this past weekend, I'm going to save my actual Mother's Day recap for another day. To be honest, this year I kinda forgot about Mother's Day and threw my focus into a new holiday anyway. A holiday that involves no children or handmade necklaces whatsoever.

It's called "Mom's Night Out" and I never would have known it existed, if it wasn't for a reader who emailed two weeks ago to say, "Do you know the Friday before Mother's Day is 'Mom's Night Out'? You should do something with that."

Hmmm... A holiday that involves ditching my children with Mike to drink alcohol with my girl friends? I SHOULD do something with that...

Someone Special Is Thinking of You Today...

If you want to give me something for Mother's Day, join the Mommy Shorts fanpage. God knows its much better than a macaroni necklace.

A Little Guilt in a Mug for Mother's Day

For more baby mugging and to submit your own mug shots, join the Official Baby Mugging Fanpage.

How the Mother Half Lives

On Monday, I announced a giveaway and photo contest for a copy of Ali Smith's beautiful photo book, Momma Love: How the Mother Half Lives. To enter, I asked people to post pictures of themselves with their kids on Instagram under the hashtag #Momma_Love.

I can't even tell you the immense amount of joy I felt going through the hashtag. Above are only 18 of the almost 500 pictures posted of moms (mostly selfies, mom + selfie = melfies?) with their children. It was beyond awesome to see the faces of my fellow moms on instagram— most of whom are so rarely in their own photos.

A true tribute to Mother's Day.