A few weeks ago, Amy Schumer posted a pic of herself lying in bed with her newborn, with the caption “This shit is bananas.” I feel like there has never been a more accurate statement about new motherhood. I posted the pic on @mommyshortssquad and asked, “If you could give Amy Schumer one piece of advice, what would it be?” I also asked in the Remarkably Average Parents facebook group, “When a friend of yours has their first baby, what is the one piece of advice you make sure to give them?”

The responses were amazing— helpful, practical, poignant and CONCISE. I thought briefly about writing a book called “The Most Concise Guide to Being a New Mom,” but in the end decided a blog post was easier. And, if you are a new mom, whose got time for books?

1) “Every stage/phase is temporary. And as soon as you think you’ve learned the rules, the game changes.” – Karine

2) “When someone offers help, take it! Whether it’s a family member who offers to take your newborn for 15 minutes so you can shower, or someone who wants to come over to bring you dinner. You don’t need to appear like you can do it all. You are already superhuman enough for giving birth!” – Kendra

3) “Make sure the house is NOT quiet when your baby sleeps so he’ll learn to sleep through noises.” – Kara

4) “When you have your first, every little decision at the infant stage feels so important— which diaper brand, whether to supplement, when to add solids, how much tummy time, etc. The truth is they really AREN’T. You have enough to worry about… so that smaller stuff? Just pick something and go with it.” – Allison

5) “Listen to your pediatrician. Not strangers on the internet.” – Lindsei

6) “Don’t listen to anybody who claims they know the answers. Every baby is different and we are all just making this shit up.” – Crystal

7) “When you are in the newborn stage, NEVER turn the light on in the middle of the night. Feedings, blowouts, PJ changes… you should learn to do them all in the dark! Make no eye contact, speak no words and your baby will have a much better shot at going right back to sleep.” – Kara

8)  “Always cook on the back burners.” – Eddie

9) “Don’t waist tons of money on clothes during their first two years. They grow so fast and you will only want to actually dress them in what is comfortable and easy to get on and off.” – Michele

10) “Always, always, always keep extra clothes for the babe and yourself in your car! Poopsplosions will happen in the most unfortunate times, and at the worst locations!” – Ginger

11) “TAKE THE STOOL SOFTENER! Don’t be a hero! The nurse will give it to you after delivery at some point and you take it!!!!!!” – Jody

12) “It’s okay if you don’t love every single second of motherhood. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. Just a relatable one.” – Ilana

13) “Take a few minutes every day to ask yourself, ‘am I feeling ok?’ And answer yourself honestly. If you feel a little off at all (anxious, sad, like you suddenly want to punch your husband in the face because he used the word ‘and’ too much and you’ve never felt that way before), know that you aren’t the only one. PPD shows it’s ugly self in all kinds of ways. You should and can feel better. Just tell your doctor. You don’t HAVE to tell anyone else if you don’t want to.” – Stephanie

14) “There’s no right or wrong way to do something. It’s just what’s right for you.” – Kearsten

15) “Parenting is hard and you will make mistakes; you will forget the wipes or place your baby on the couch right as they are learning to roll over. It is okay! Just keep loving your kid.” – Molly

16) “Park as close to the cart return as you can.” – Mariclaire

17) “If your baby is screaming and you can’t figure out why, you have tried everything, and you are getting frustrated, put them in a safe place like their crib or pack-n-play. They are safe. Take a breather. Go in another room. They will be okay.” – Brianna

18) “It may not seem like it, but the newborn stage is the easiest stage. They don’t move and they don’t talk. Seriously. Enjoy it and sleep when they sleep. Once they are mobile, it’s all over.” – Susan

20) “When you make the crib, put a sheet down, a mattress protector and then another sheet. When you have a middle of the night emergency (puke, poop or pee), it’s way easier to just strip the mattress protector and the top sheet and have the clean sheet ready underneath, than to find a clean sheet and make the bed with a dirty baby.” – Jennifer

21) “When your baby starts talking, write that shit down. It’s so funny to read later and you won’t remember it otherwise.” – Jennifer

22) “If your baby uses a binky to fall sleep, toss six of them into the crib at night. That way when they need one and wake up crying, they can easily grab one without you having to get up!” – Michele

23) “Onsies slide down over the baby’s shoulders and body. No need to pull a poop explosion up over their heads!” – Outi

24) “It all goes so quickly, but the beginning feels like forever.” – Beth

25) “While examining my week old infant, the pediatrician looked at me over half moon glasses and said, ‘read to your baby and talk to your baby.’ That was her only advice. And it was the best advice I was ever given. It was so simple and easy. So I did.” – Lisa

26) “Don’t apologize for making rules for your baby, i.e. no kissing, must wash hands, etc. Trust your gut and stand your ground.” – Lindsei

27) “I’m a Mom of two and a Grandma of five. No matter how much advice anyone gives you, it’s still going to be a f’ing shit show for the next 19 to 20 years. Best anyone can do is buckle up and enjoy the ride! Watching my daughter struggle with a miniature version of herself is the best reward EVER.” – Lynn

If you want to be part of our community, follow @mommyshortssquad on Instagram and join the Remarkably Average Parents facebook group.