It’s here! The Mommy Shorts Holiday Swag Bag! It includes products I love and brands I work with and stuff from people who just send me shit in the mail for no reason. I combine them all into one gigantic gift to be sent out to one very lucky reader. This month’s bag is roughly $750 in prizes.

Since it’s the holidays, this swag bag is not just filled with stuff I dug up in my office. I actually bought a bunch of things for it too. In fact, when I posted my holiday gift guide this year, I asked you guys to comment with the stuff you liked best so I could include your top picks. That explains the Unicorn Poop. And…to make it the mother of all swag bags, MZ Wallace donated the actual BAG, so that might be the very best part!

As always, you must be a Mommy Shorts subscriber to enter, because I only give entry instructions in my weekly newsletter. Ready to see what’s inside?

1) MZ Wallace Belle Bag


Let’s start with the bag itself. The Belle bag from MZ Wallace has three different strap options so you can wear it on your shoulder, carry it on your arm with the handle or use the nylon cross body (my personal favorite way to wear a bag.) There are six exterior zipper pockets so it could be used as a super handy diaper bag but my 25-year-old friend carries it and I’m pretty sure she’s not hiding any babies anywhere.

2) The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting


Let’s just assume my book will be in every swag bag from now until forever. In case you didn’t know, it makes a GREAT last minute holiday gift. Don’t believe me? You can check out the 12 Days of Remarkably Average Excerpts I’ve been posting on Instagram. If you are feeling especially average in the gifting department, you can also purchase a Remarkably Average Mug or a Mommy Shorts Tote from the Mommy Shorts Shop. But act fast! The totes are almost all SOLD OUT!

3) The Grace Doll from the Doll Kind


The Grace Doll from The Doll Kind was Mazzy’s birthday gift from me this year. Mazzy renamed Grace as Bella. Each doll comes with ten tokens to encourage your child to give them out as an act of kindness. Keeping with kindness theme, one doll is donated to a child in need with every doll purchase. You can use the code MOMMYSHORTS to get 15% off your order from The Doll Kind (expires 12/31/16). 

4) Humans of New York Book


Humans of New York: Stories is a book filled with the stories similar to those you find on HONY’s Instagram feed, which is one of my favorite accounts to follow. Remember when Harlow was featured? Too bad she didn’t make the book!

5) Frog Prince Lipstick


Frog Prince Lipstick from Lipstick Queen looks green in the tube but it somehow uses the pH of your lips and skin to adjust to your perfect shade of pink. It totally works and the first time I saw someone use it, IT BLEW MY MIND.

6) Unicorn Poop Rocks


Unicorn Poop Rocks was the most requested gift in my holiday gift guide. When Mazzy saw it while I was taking pictures, she practically screamed with glee. “MOM! IS THIS REAL UNICORN POOP???!!!” “Uhhhhh…that’s what they say…”

7) Seedling Headphones


How can you combine your child’s love of electronics with your desire to have her step away from her iPad and do a craft or something??? These Design Your Own Headphones from Seedling will accomplish just that!

8) Can I Eat That?


This book is genius and Harlow’s personal favorite. She even has it memorized. Which is hilarious because it talks about foreign foods like Uni Donburi. I really need to get her reading it on video before her voice changes.

9) The Future is Female T-shirt


The Future is Female t-shirt is from Otherwild. LET’S HOPE.

10) LittleMissMatched Colorize Socks


We’ve been huge fans of LittleMissMatched all year thanks to a partnership with Mazzy— her first real modeling moment! These Colorize Knee High Socks come with fabric markers so you can draw on and customize them. You can also use the code MOMMYSHORTS to get 25% off your order at LittleMissMatched.

11) Products from Apple Park Kids


Apple Park Kids has also been a great partner over the last few years. My kids are getting too big for some of their products which makes them that much easier to gift. Here’s a bat towel, a bat stroller toy and a pony rattle, all made with all-natural organic materials.

12, 13, 14, 15) An Aden & Anais swaddle, Olly Stress Vitamins, Curel Hydra Therapy and Babiators


That Aden & Anais swaddle was a limited edition created by What’s Up Moms this year. I think it might be the last one left. In addition, I’ve got Harlow’s favorite sunglasses (the indestructable Babiators), Olly Stress gummies and my new favorite lotion from Curel. You can read about my experience with Hydra Therapy here.

17) Mash-Ups and Mighty Dinos from Plum Organics


Plum Organics was the sponsor of my book tour this year and I could not be more grateful. Thanks to them I was able to meet a lot of you guys in real life which was one of the things that made 2016 really stand out. I’m really hoping to continue the tour next year with new cities and more opportunities to meet my readers. Maybe if I eat enough Mighty Dino crackers, it will make it so.

17) A Donation to Planned Parenthood in Your Name

Or, if you so choose, you could just make one yourself.

To win the swag bag, you must be a Mommy Shorts Subscriber. Daily and weekly subscribers are both eligible. Instructions to enter the swag bag will go out in this Sunday’s newsletter.

I hear a lot of you will be celebrating a major holiday called Christmas, so make sure you ditch your family at some point to check your email. Or you can check your email on Monday. It will still be there if you subscribe today!

Good luck!

Winner update:

Congratulations to Kati G! Please email allie@mommyshorts.com to claim your prize!